How to Spot a Player

Proverbs 13:20

I’m sure you’ve heard the old saying, “If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.” While our better judgment knows this principal, there’s something in each of us that longs for perfection. This longing, however, make us susceptible to frauds. Never is this truer than when it comes to relationships.

Players prey on people’s desire for perfection. They tell you what you want to hear so they can get what they want and leave you as quick as possible. I wish those in the church didn’t have anything to worry about, but unfortunately players don’t discriminate. As long as there are attractive Christians there will be players roaming the halls of your church.

You will have to be on guard if you want to protect your heart and not waste your time. So here are 5 common signs of a player. Even if someone seems like a great person to date, if they do any of these things you will want to stay away.

A Player Will Want to Date You Without Getting to Know You

We all like to be liked. Love at first sight sounds like a really romantic idea. Players know this. So one common strategy a player will use is to come on super strong and flatter you with praise.

I don’t think two people need to be friends for years and only get to know each other in group settings before going on a date. I do, however, think it is a red flag if someone wants to date you before they even really know you at all.

I naïve person is flattered when someone likes them a lot right from the start. But you have to ask yourself, “Why does this person like me if they don’t even really know me?” If they only know superficial information about you, it’s logical to assume that they only like you for superficial reasons.

Stay away from people who want to date you before getting to know you.

A Player Will Send You Mixed Signals

One dead giveaway of a player will be his inconsistencies in the signals he sends you. Like a good fisherman, he doesn’t just yank when he has a fish on the line. He reels in, but then gives some line out so the tension doesn’t get too strong. Slowly he wears the fish out with this back and forth game so the final catch is that much easier.

One minute a player will send you a flirtatious text where it seems she really likes you. The next minute you will text her and you won’t hear from her for a few days. A player will not tell you her true intentions but will dance around how much she likes you. Each interaction will keep you guessing. The tension will be building so once she finally makes a move you will feel privileged that she is finally showing you attention.

A mature Christian who is worth dating won’t play these types of games. They will use clear words and be open about their intentions with you. If someone is playing games, tell them to play elsewhere.

A Player Will Want Intimacy Without Commitment

Within the Bible intimacy and commitment are always paired together. The more commitment two people make with each other, the more intimacy they should have towards one another. This is why the deepest type of intimacy between a man and a woman should be reserved for marriage, which is a covenant bond of the highest commitment levels.

A player will want both physical and emotional intimacy without any commitment. When someone wants sexual intimacy with you, this is a bit easier to detect than the dangers of emotional intimacy. A player will orbit his prey and leach emotional energy off of her. However, nowhere in his interactions with her will he commit to being around long-term.

If someone wants to be close but doesn’t want to commit, keep your distance because you have a player in your midst.

A Player Will Manipulate Your Deepest Desires

As any warrior knows, the key to victory is finding your enemies weakest point and exploiting it. A player will find what you care about most and use this to his or her advantage.

If you really want to be married one day, somehow the two of you will find yourselves talking about what colors you want the tablecloths to be on your wedding day. If you are looking forward to having children, a player will drop little lines about the things he can’t wait to do with his kids one day. If you have a passion for a certain social cause, suddenly he will have some interesting facts to share with you about this topic dear to your heart.

None of these conversations will be overly intense. A player knows the right balance between playfulness and seriousness. The goal, however, will be to play on your emotions and make you feel closer to him than you really are.

It’s great if you’ve found someone with similar desires as you. I’m not saying everyone you date who has similar interests is faking. But you will need discernment to know when someone is being genuine or not.

A Player Will Avoid Your Family and Close Friends

A player is not interested in getting attached to you. A guy who really likes you will want to get to know the people you care about. But a player will try to isolate you and won’t have any interest in your family and close friends.

Like a wolf, the goal is to get one sheep away from the herd so the take down is that much easier. Your family and close friends are a part of the healthy defenses God has put in your life. So be alert if someone has no interest in the people who love you and care about you.