4 Ways to Make Yourself Extremely Attractive to a Godly Man (Esther 2)

What causes a godly man to be extremely attracted to a woman?

By studying Esther 2, we can discover at least four ways you can develop into the type of woman a godly man will want to pursue.

And as a quick sidenote, the situation in which Esther found herself was not something the Bible is advocating. She was a captive in a foreign land, and the king there had gathered all the beautiful virgins. He was searching for a new queen. While this was not a godly way to pursue a wife, we can still see certain principles in Esther’s life that made her extremely attractive.

1. Learn About Men from Other Men, Not from Your Female Peers

Esther 2:15, “When the turn came for Esther the daughter of Abihail the uncle of Mordecai, who had taken her as his own daughter, to go in to the king, she asked for nothing except what Hegai the king’s eunuch, who had charge of the women, advised.”

One of the main reasons Esther found such favor with the king was that she based her approach towards the king on facts learned from other men. The reality is, many women struggle to be attractive to godly men because they are doing what worldly women are telling them to do. Worldly women don’t know anything about godly men.

Not only will relationship advice from worldly women lead you astray, but advice from younger godly women will also often not be very helpful. Many times, younger women counsel each other on how to interact with a man based on their own female perspectives. But for relationships to succeed, the man needs to understand the woman’s perspective and the woman needs to understand the man’s perspective. Thus, it is very likely that your girlfriends are unknowingly leading you away from a godly man, not towards him.

This is why older godly women who have a successful relationship with a man or who have raised sons are a much better source of information when it comes to relationships, like Naomi to Ruth (Ruth 3:1-5). And the best source of information about godly men will come from other godly men.

So to make yourself very attractive to a godly man, you want to learn about men from godly men.

2. Seek to Acquire Good Qualities that All Can See. Don’t Expect Your Future Husband to Have Rose Colored Glasses

Esther 2:15-17, “Now Esther was winning favor in the eyes of all who saw her. And when Esther was taken to King Ahasuerus, into his royal palace, in the tenth month, which is the month of Tebeth, in the seventh year of his reign, the king loved Esther more than all the women, and she won grace and favor in his sight more than all the virgins, so that he set the royal crown on her head and made her queen instead of Vashti.”

It wasn’t just that the king thought Esther was an amazing woman. A lot of other people thought the same thing. A similar pattern can be observed with Ruth. It wasn’t just Boaz who thought she was great. In Ruth 3:11, he said to her, “. . . for all my fellow townsmen know that you are a worthy woman.”

While we all have flaws, the point is, if you want to be with a man who finds you very attractive, you have to develop those qualities that God designed people to find attractive. Never expect your future husband to be an outlier who will give you a free pass on certain deficiencies that you know will sabotage a healthy relationship.

And I’m certainly not talking about physical appearance. I’m talking about spiritual maturity, personality, and character. A godly man’s desires are pretty simple. He wants a genuinely godly woman who has qualities that are uncommon in a godless society. For example:

• When other women complain about men, a godly woman will seek to encourage men to become better.
• When other women rebel against biblical relationship roles, a godly woman will advocate for the husband’s leadership and the wife’s respect.
• When other women are dressing immodestly to get worldly men’s attention, a godly woman will dress modestly.
• When other women are concerned about presenting themselves in an unrealistic way online, a godly woman will seek to love people in real life through sacrificial service.

3. Seek Out a Strong Father Figure in Your Life

Esther 2:20, “Esther had not made known her kindred or her people, as Mordecai had commanded her, for Esther obeyed Mordecai just as when she was brought up by him.”

Esther’s parents had died. Thus, her older cousin, Mordecai, had taken her as his own daughter. Esther didn’t just blindly obey Mordecai. From all accounts, Mordecai was a good and godly man. So it’s no surprise that since Ester submitted to his leadership growing up, she had developed into a godly woman herself.

Unfortunately, many women don’t have great fathers. If you do have a godly father, count yourself blessed and take advantage of this huge benefit. Ask him questions about men. Allow him to speak into your life. When he gives you advice, listen. He understands the world of men. He loves you. While his advice won’t always be perfect, you will do yourself a huge service by deeply considering his counsel when making relationship decisions.

If you don’t have a godly father in your life, you must compensate for this somehow. Allow older, wise men in the church, along with their wives present, to speak into your life and shepherd you. And even if you don’t know or have access to a man like this who can be a spiritual father figure to you, choose a well-known pastor, author, or historical figure and learn from their teachings through their books and online resources.

I’ve had many mentors in my life that I have never met because they are from past generations or are too well-known to spend one-on-one time with me. Allow these saints to develop you even if you can’t spend time with them personally. We all need father figures.

4. Prepare Yourself to Be the Type of Woman Who Has a Godly Man’s Back

Esther 2:21-23, “In those days, as Mordecai was sitting at the king’s gate, Bigthan and Teresh, two of the king’s eunuchs, who guarded the threshold, became angry and sought to lay hands on King Ahasuerus. And this came to the knowledge of Mordecai, and he told it to Queen Esther, and Esther told the king in the name of Mordecai. When the affair was investigated and found to be so, the men were both hanged on the gallows. And it was recorded in the book of the chronicles in the presence of the king.”

Imagine how much more the king loved Esther after she saved his life. He already found her very attractive physically and because of her other qualities. But now she was showing her loyalty to this man, which is what all men want in a woman.

I’m sure this wasn’t the first time Mordecai and Esther did the right thing. Likewise, if you want to be the type of woman who is extremely attractive to a godly man by having his back, you must develop your loyalty muscles now.

Don’t wait until you get married to learn how to be loyal. When you have a friend who is straying from the Lord, don’t just abandon them. Confront them in love and keep praying for them. When your boss is not watching, keep doing what they asked you to do, even though you could get away with slacking off. When it would be easy to betray someone’s trust and give in to that temptation to gossip, resist and do the right thing.

When a man sees that you can be loyal to him and have his back, he will be extremely attracted to you.

And if you’re a Christian single woman who wants a deep biblical study on how to help your future husband find you, my new book is for you. It’s called Invite Him: 16 Rules from Ruth to Help Your Future Husband Find You.