5 Phrases People Use When They Are NOT Marriage Material

If you want to marry someone who you can have a healthy Christian marriage with, here are 5 things people say when they are not marriage material.

And if you are a Christian single person of any age and you want to be married one day, now is a great time to enroll in my relationship training courses at AGW University.

These are online courses that can be taken at your own pace. When you enroll, you get lifetime access to this content, 3 months of one-on-one email coaching with me, and access to a private Facebook group that has over 1000 other AGW University students in it.

For more information, click here before the 11/25/24 deadline. 

1. “I respect your religious beliefs, but that Christian stuff is not for me.”

Perhaps a man is pursuing you. He’s kind, respectful, and seems to really like you. The only problem is that he’s not a Christian. However, he’s not against you being a Christian. Is this acceptable?

Or maybe you are a man and you’ve really been hitting it off with a woman. She’s clearly inviting your pursuit, she’s fun to be around, and you are attracted to her. However, she’s openly telling you she’s an atheist. She’s not hostile towards Christians. She’s just not interested in that for her. Can you date her?

The answer to questions like these is an emphatic no. The Bible is very clear that God does not want his children linking up with other people who do not love him (2 Corinthians 6:14). He warns us that we will be turned away from him through these relationships (1 Corinthians 15:33). He clearly states that a healthy marriage is one where the husband and wife partner with each other in serving the Lord (Ephesians 5:21-33).

When you crave a relationship, it’s easy to settle. While it’s admirable that this person can respect your religious beliefs, they’re not marriage material if you desire a Christian relationship.

2. “I’m not a Christian, but I’m open to learning more.”

Things can be a bit more confusing when someone is not just respectful about your religious beliefs but they are also open to what you are sharing with them. Perhaps a man is not a Christian, but he’s been coming to church with you. Perhaps a woman is not currently a believer, but she likes when you talk to her about the gospel and she’s asking really good questions.

As Christians, we certainly want to be a light (Matthew 5:16, Matthew 28:19-20). However, our question at hand is about marriage material. While someone who is open to the gospel may have potential, you must never choose a partner based upon potential. Why? Because they also have the potential to never become a Christian or to become angry towards God or to hate the church in the future. “

Potential” is a trap if you are looking for a godly partner. When you’re looking for a spouse, you must assess them for who they are right now; not on how they could be.

And no, God does not want you to date this person so that he can then use your relationship to bring this person to Christ. God can bring this person to Christ without you disobeying his word by entering into an unequally yoked relationship. Don’t ever compromise on the clear teachings of Scripture, regardless of the justification for it.

3. “I’m a Christian but I think there are many ways to God.”

If someone says something like this, there are two possibilities. One, they could be a very immature Christian who does truly believe in Jesus but who has not learned about the exclusivity that Scripture clearly teaches regarding salvation through Jesus alone (John 14:6, Acts 4:12). The other possibility is that this person is not a true Christian at all and they are really just practicing universalist. Either way, at this point, this person is certainly not marriage material.

If they are an immature Christian who needs to be taught the Scriptures more accurately (Acts 18:26), they are still not marriage material until they at least reach a level of maturity to where they can accurately state the gospel. If you explain the truth that Jesus is the only way and they now understand and agree, then perhaps you can be together. But if they are processing this and unsure still, you should not wait for them. Again, you must assess people for who they are right now.

4. “I’m a Christian but I don’t read my Bible, I don’t pray, I don’t serve anywhere, and I don’t have a Christian community.”

If you live in America, many people will say they are Christian simply because they identify with this term for cultural reasons. Thus, just because someone says they are a Christian and says they believe in what the Bible says – this is not evidence that they are marriage material.

If you are a real Christian, there will be basic fruit in your life that is evidence of this (Matthew 7:20, Galatians 5:22-24). Additionally, if you want to be in a healthy relationship, you will need Jesus’s divine intervention (John 15:5). Two sinful people can never be at peace for very long without Jesus (Philippians 2:1-5). Thus, if someone is not connecting with Jesus individually through the normal means of grace (prayer, Scripture, and Christian fellowship), they are not marriage material.

5. “I’m a Christian but I don’t see the problem with having premarital sex.” 

Unfortunately there are countless people who claim to be Christian who have zero desire to obey the Lord behind closed doors (James 2:17). Premarital sex is a pervasive temptation that will only be resisted by true believes in Jesus (1 Corinthians 7:1-9).

I’m not saying that if a man and woman struggle with sexual temptation that they are not true believes. I’m simply warning you about the type of person who isn’t even trying to resist sexual sin. If someone doesn’t believe premarital sex is wrong (Hebrews 13:4), their moral compass is unbiblical (1 Timothy 4:2). And a person who is not guided by the Scriptures is certainly not marriage material.

I actually have an entire course at AGW University called Marriage Material. For more information about this course and all my other relationship courses for Christian singles who want to prepare for their future marriage, click here.