5 Test to Know if God Approves of a Relationship

If you want to know if God approves of a relationship, here are 5 tests you should use.

1. The Test of the Biblical Basics

Whenever you want to know the will of God, it always starts with knowing the word of God. While I will talk about other tests God will use to help you know if he approves of you being with someone or not, it’s right to start with the Bible since this test will be the easiest and clearest to see a pass or fail.

There are basically four things a Christian should look for in another person before even considering them for a romantic relationship.

• First, God calls Christians to only be yoked with other Christians (2 Corinthians 6:14, 1 Corinthians 7:39). So this person should at least be a professing Christian who proclaims Jesus as Lord.
• Second, true Christians are always bearing good fruit (Ephesians 2:10, Galatians 5:22-24).
• Third, Christians are not called to be in long-term romantic relationships besides marriage (John 4:17-18). Thus, you and this person should be spiritually mature enough to fulfill the biblical roles of a husband and wife (Ephesians 5:22-33).
• Fourth, if you both are Christians who are bearing the fruits of the Spirit and you are mature enough to enter into marriage, the desire for each other must be mutual. It’s not God’s will if the feelings are only one-sided (Genesis 24:8, 58, 1 Corinthians 7:36).

If these biblical basics are present, that is a good sign God would want a man and woman together.

2. The Test of Consistent Desire

This point is really just giving more details about the fourth biblical requirement we discussed in point 1. Sometimes you may think you really want to be with someone, but as the relationship goes on you may realize your feelings are fading.

This is why you it’s always wise to go through a patient process before making a serious commitment (Song of Solomon 8:4, James 1:5). God wants people to want to be with the person they marry. Sometimes a relationship is very biblical on paper and it makes sense from a logical standpoint. But if the heart is not in it, it’s not God’s will.

You two are passing the test to know God approves if your desire for each other is increasing the more you get to know each other.

People have asked me, “Would God call me to marry someone I don’t want to marry?” or “Would God call me to marry someone I’m not attracted to?” They often then reference Hosea being told to marry a prostitute as evidence that God could do this to you too.

However, nowhere in the book of Hosea is there evidence that Hosea didn’t want to marry Gomer. It’s an unwise inference to assume that based upon the details we do have. It’s very possible Hosea knew Gomer and wanted to marry her. We simply don’t know. For more on this, you can read my article Will God Tell You to Marry Someone You Don’t Love?

What we do know is that the pattern in Scripture is that there is mutual desire in the marriage unions that please God. Adam and Eve were pleased with each other (Genesis 2:23-25), Rebekah had a choice in marrying Isaac (Genesis 24:58), Boaz and Ruth wanted to be together (Ruth 3:9-10), and the Song of Solomon is a back and forth between two lovers.

3. The Test of Response

Perhaps you know you have a personal desire for this person like we discussed in point 2. However, you will also need to see if this person has the same level of interest in you. How can you gain this information?

God has designed this world to operate in a cause-and-effect manner. For every action there is a reaction. This applies in relationships as well. Thus, to really know if God approves of a relationship, the man and woman must interact with each other and then see how the other person responds.

So you will never really know if God approves of a relationship if you are being distant and passive. It’s great to observe someone cautiously to see if they are a Christian and bearing fruit for the Lord. But no matter how much you pray and think, you must also pass the response test to really know if God approves of this relationship.

If you are a woman and you have feelings for a man, you have to do something to give this man an opportunity to respond and pursue. Invite him through a friendly greeting, an invitation to spend time together, of through giving him more attention. If you are a man, you must pursue this woman. Try to talk to her, see if she enjoys your company, ask her on a date.

Seeking God’s will involves Scripture and prayer. But it also involves living your life and seeing what responses you get from the people you are interacting with (Matthew 10:11-14).

4. The Test of Progression

Throughout the Bible, there is a principle of progression or regression showing whether God is in something or not. When God is in something, it keeps growing and thriving over time (Philippians 1:6, 2 Peter 1:8). When God is not in something, it simple regresses and fades.

Sometimes a relationship starts really well. However, things can turn quickly. My wife and I dated long-distance for the first year of our relationship. She lived in Charlotte North Carolina and I lived in Cleveland Ohio. Due to our work and school schedules, we could usually only visit with each other for four days at a time. So we had a joke about the fifth day. We would say to each other, “What if there’s some weird thing about you that only shows up on the fifth day?”

Again, we said this as a joke, but in reality we also both felt we needed to date without it being long-distance before we felt comfortable knowing for sure God wanted us to get married. So Bethany moved to Cleveland, we dated for another four months, and then I asked her to marry me.

The point is, to know if God is approving of a relationship for marriage, you should test the relationship in a wise way through dating or courting. Sometimes God will lead two people to date to teach them something or to show them they are not meant to be. Dating should not be used to marry someone at any cost. Dating should be used to help you know if God really is leading you two to get married.

5. The Test of Commitment

When God approves of a relationship, he will put the desire in the couple to commit to each other (Matthew 19:6). God does not want his children in long-term dating relationships that are not headed towards marriage. These types of relationships lead to sexual sin and heart trauma (Hebrews 13:4). You begin to pretend you are married to this person even though you are not (John 4:17-18).

So if someone does not want to commit to you in marriage after you have gone through a healthy season of dating or courting, God does not want you to be with this person. When God approves, you both will be ready and excited to make the ultimate commitment in marriage (1 Corinthians 7:36).