6 Signs You Would Have Great Sex with Someone If You Married Them

Here are 6 signs you and someone would have great sex together if you got married one day.

1. You Would Have Great Sex in Marriage If You Two Have a Biblical Definition of “Great Sex”

What is “great sex”? Is it a performance where two people contort their bodies in certain ways, like dancers being judged at a competition? Is it purely emotional and the physical doesn’t matter at all?

It’s always a challenge as Christians when talking about “great sex” because we can so easily swing in the wrong direction. On one hand, we can fall into worldly and lustful thinking, imagining that “great sex” in marriage should mirror a porn scene or some sexually explicit romance novel. On the other hand, we can go too far and completely miss the gift of sexual pleasure in sex with your spouse and over emphasize the spiritual and emotional at the expense of the physical.

So, I would say that a good, general definition of “great sex” from a Christian perspective is “mutual and physically pleasurable experiences that express your love and emotional happiness to each other.”

Perhaps you would define “great sex” in marriage differently. I would simply encourage you to see the need for both emotional and physical intimacy to be present. The real emphasis in sex from a biblical perspective is not just pleasure but pleasure that expresses the love you have for your spouse (Proverbs 5:19).

2. You Would Have Great Sex in Marriage If You Two Are Not Idolizing Sex

When two people are single but wondering if they would be a good couple in marriage one day, they often ask themselves, “How will I know if the sex would be good?” Many people feel that they could never marry someone without having sex with them first in fear that they would get married and the sex would be “bad.”

This way of thinking exposes an idolatry of sex. When you would not marry someone based upon a sexual performance, this shows you are primarily marrying for sex rather than because you love this person. When you truly love someone and you have a biblical motive for marriage, you will not be putting overly strict sexual stipulations on your love. You either love them or you don’t. Even if the sex was not what you had thought it would be, true love will cause you to still love this person, knowing that sex is not the most important thing in life or the relationship.

And, ironically, when you truly love someone and are willing to make any sacrifice for them, including when it comes to giving up your expectations about sex, this is actually what leads to great sex in marriage (Matthew 6:33). If you require your spouse “to perform,” they will feel unloved by you, thus causing “great sex” to be impossible, especially over the many years of your marriage.

When you idolize something, you can’t really enjoy it. You ask too much of it and ruin it. When you want something to be your god and make you happy, you will always grow disappointed and mad at that idol when it fails you. Thus, idolatry of sex always leads to bad sex in marriage.

To have great sex in marriage, you have to have a healthy desire for sex without idolizing it. And, most importantly, you must be content in Christ above all other pleasures (Philippians 4:4).

3. You Would Have Great Sex in Marriage If You Both Are Physically Attracted to Each Other and You Are Kind to Each Other

As I’ve been saying thus far, there should be a physical element to sex. It can’t just be a horrible duty you are committed to performing because you know it’s the biblical thing to do. This will not make your spouse feel loved. As you read through the Song of Solomon, for example, duty is not present. The husband and wife want to have sex with each other.

However, if you are wildly attracted to someone, this is not a guarantee the sex will be great in marriage. Why? Because sex in marriage is not just physical. It is relational, emotional, and spiritual. For example, no matter how handsome a man is, if he abuses a woman, she is not going to be attracted to him. No matter how beautiful a woman is, if she disrespects a man, he will lose all attraction for her.

Thus, if two people are physically attracted to each other before marriage and they treat each other well, there is no reason to assume they would not have great sex. When two people marry each other because they are attracted and like being around each other, great sex naturally happens.

4. You Would Have Great Sex in Marriage If You Both Are Putting Each Other’s Needs Above Yourselves During the Relationship

Sex is meant to be a physical act that symbolically represents the love the man and woman have for each other. God made it so a husband and wife could have a special means of showing love to each other. And, when love is present, life is always created, which is also symbolically shown through procreation after sex occurs.

Thus, to have great sex in marriage, you must use it to rightly symbolize a healthy relationship. A healthy relationship is where the man and woman are putting the other person before themselves (Philippians 2:3-4). If this selfless love is a reality in your relationship before marriage, it’s safe to assume this will result in pleasurable sex that symbolizes this selfless love.

When both spouses are putting each other’s needs above their own, this not only results in a great relationship but it also results in great sex.

5. You Would Have Great Sex in Marriage If You Both Are Willing to Forgive Each Other and Not Let Baggage Build Up

As we’ve be saying, sex reflects the relationship. A sinful relationship will have sinful sex. A selfish relationship will have selfish sex. And a healthy relationship that is filled with selfless love will result in physically and emotionally pleasurable sex.

This is why forgiveness is such an important ingredient to great sex in marriage. When you get married, you will experience each other’s sin. Marriage is always messy. Thus, to keep the love alive, you will have to forgive each other often. Without forgiveness, bitterness will grow between you two (Ephesians 4:31-32). This will obviously corrupt all aspects of your marriage, including your sex connection.

This is symbolized in Song of Solomon 2:15, “Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom.” If you let sin and corruption go unchecked in your marriage, if you don’t repent when you are wrong and forgive when you are wronged, these foxes will spoil your vineyards of love.

6. You Would Have Great Sex in Marriage If You Both Truly Love Each Other

Put as simply as possible, great sex depends on love. If you love your spouse, it’s basically impossible to have bad sex.

Sure, you may desire something physical and have some frustrations if you can’t experience that with your spouse, but through communication and selfless love, you two will come to a better understanding and find solutions to problems that may be present.

When you love each other, you figure it out (1 Peter 4:8). You work on your issues and you find happiness together. This is expressed sexually too.