She’s Having Peaceful Sex Dreams about a Man and Wants to Know if They’re from the Lord (Q&A)

Today I’m going to be answering a question I received from an AGW subscriber who messaged me on Instagram. I’ve changed this person’s name and profile picture to protect her identity. However, I have not changed her question. It reads:

Hey Mark, I don’t know if you check your messages much. But I have been following you for a while and you’re filled with so much wisdom which is why I’m reaching out. What if you’re having a sex dream with someone but it’s somehow peaceful? Is that possible? Would you say it’s from the Lord? Let’s say those dreams are followed by other dreams such as married life and that person one day giving their life to Jesus. They however in present time haven’t reached that point yet.

Let’s start with her first serious of questions, “What if you’re having a sex dream with someone but it’s somehow peaceful? Is that possible?”

I would say it’s possible for someone to have a sex dream about someone who is not their spouse and for them to feel peaceful in their dream or even when they wake. However, this feeling of peace should not be seen as confirmation that this dream is pleasing to the Lord or a good sign.

In Scripture, God does provide peace as a way of bringing confirmation (Philippians 4:6-7, 2 Thessalonians 3:16). So in many ways, we should follow the peace as a means of following God. However, we must remember that peace is still a feeling and our feelings can certainly mislead us. Thus, we must never use a feeling of peace to justify something that is clearly sinful or that goes against God’s word.

So when it comes to having a sex dream with someone who is not your spouse, I would say that this is something that should not be seen as good just because it was a “peaceful” situation.

This leads us to her next question, “Would you say it’s from the Lord?” I’m just a man and I can’t speak for God. However, God’s word can speak for him. So in my best application of Scripture, I would say that this peaceful sex dream is not from the Lord.

I say that because a dream about having sex with someone who is not your spouse encourages lust. It can make you feel more connected to someone than you should be. God wants us to flee sexual temptation (1 Corinthians 6:18), so I don’t believe it’s biblically consistent to say that God would be giving you this type of dream, regardless if you feel peaceful about it.

So if these peaceful sex dreams are not from the Lord, how should this woman interpret these dreams. In my opinion, I would say that these dreams are occurring because she likes this man she is dreaming about and her body has sexual feelings. When you sleep, your brain takes your thoughts and mixes them with your feelings to create dreams. Thus, it’s understandable for why she would have a sex dream about this man.

Additionally, I don’t think it’s sinful to have a sex dream. Rather, it would be sinful if you were to dwell on the details of that dream when you are awake. This would be where the lust would take place. You can’t control what you dream about. So don’t worry too much about sex dreams if they occur out of the blue now and then.

However, if you are thinking about sex a lot when you are awake, or if you are lusting after someone when you are awake, or if you are watching content that is sexual when you are awake, these types of choices can be fueling your brain to produce sex dreams. Thus, in a situation like this, you would be sinning when awake and one of the negative consequences to that sin would be the sex dreams.

So I would say you don’t need to repent of the sex dream as that was involuntary but you do need to repent of the choices you are making when you’re awake if those are contributing to the sex dreams.

She goes on to ask, “Let’s say those dreams are followed by other dreams such as married life and that person one day giving their life to Jesus. They however in present time haven’t reached that point yet.”

These other dreams about marriage, to me, would not change any of the things I’ve said already about the other sex dreams. It’s similar to other questions I’ve had over the years like, “Is it lustful to think about having sex with someone if you are imaging them as your future spouse?” We have to live in reality. At this point, if you are not actually married to this person, it would be considered lust if you are thinking about someone in a sexual way. Thus, sex dreams about someone you are not married to, even if you are married in the dream, are not good. So I don’t think these details about marriage support the idea that this sex dream is from God.

So what do these marriage dreams mean? Again, I’m not going to speak for God. But my best guess is that you are dreaming about being married to this person because you are thinking about this person when you are awake and in your heart you have a desire to be married. When you are sleeping, your brain is creating a dream about marriage regarding this person.

Do I think God can give people dreams that will help them know who to marry? Yes, I think God can do that. I don’t think that is the main way God will lead you to marry someone, but I think it happens sometimes. But for this woman who is asking this question, I don’t think God is revealing anything to her about this person being her future spouse.

I think that because I don’t believe God would use a sex dream to communicate this. And I think her last statement also supports this idea of God not being the one giving her these dreams. She said she dreamed that this person one day would become a Christian, meaning he’s not a Christian now.

To summarize, at this point, this man she is dreaming about is an unbeliever. God’s word is very clear about this. We are not to be unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14). God wants us to make our relationship choices on the facts of reality as we apply his word (Psalm 119:105), not on the images in a dream.

Unless this man becomes a Christian in reality, this is not the person God has for her. And the only way for this dream about this man’s conversion to be verified as from the Lord is for this dream to happen in reality, meaning the man actually gets saved. God never says something that doesn’t happen (Deuteronomy 18:20-22, Titus 1:2).

Thus, rather than seeing this dream as a promise about the future, this woman should only see this dream about marriage with this man as confirmation from the Lord if the details in the dream occur. She shouldn’t wait for these details or try to make them happen. If God really said this, it will happen without her trying to make it all happen.

She should move on and if the details never happen, she should conclude this was just a dream from her own brain and not from the Lord.

Lastly, AGW University is now open for enrollment. So if you want access to my relationship training courses and access to 90 days of email coaching with me, feel free to click here to learn more.