6 Relationship Bible Verses Christians Keep Misusing

Here are six Bible verses that talk about relationships that Christians often misuse.

#1: 1 Corinthians 7:13, “If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.”

I have heard many people try to use this verse as justification for dating or marrying an unbeliever. Some reason that since Paul is talking about a believer and unbeliever being married, this is a sign that God allows this. As you read further into 1 Corinthians 7:14-16, Paul talks about how a believing spouse can be a witness to the unbelieving spouse. This section has often been used to justify the idea of dating or marrying an unbeliever as a means of converting them to Christianity.

The problem with using these passages like this is that it would completely contradict other parts of Scripture. Even Paul himself, who wrote 1 Corinthians 7:13, states in that same passage that a woman is free to marry anyone “but he must belong to the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:39, NIV). Paul also wrote 2 Corinthians 6:14 which explicitly states not to be unequally yoked. Scripture never contradicts itself. Paul would be blatantly contradicting himself if he was condoning marrying an unbeliever in 1 Corinthians 7:13.

So what was Paul saying in 1 Corinthians 7:13-16? Paul was addressing husbands and wives who were already married to an unbeliever. Nowhere does he condone the act of marrying an unbeliever. Sometimes two unbelievers get married but one of them becomes a Christian later in life. This would have been especially relevant in Paul’s time because the gospel of Christ was just spreading.

Lastly, it shouldn’t be lost on us that Paul had to address this issue because it seems many of the Christians who were married to an unbeliever wanted to get divorced. Paul said they shouldn’t unless the unbeliever wanted to go. This should be a warning to any Christian who is thinking about dating or marrying an unbeliever. It won’t go well and you will regret this choice.

For more on this, you can read my article, Does the Bible Say You Can Marry an Unbeliever in 1 Corinthians 7:12-16?

#2: 1 Corinthians 7:38, “So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.”

Many have used this verse, along with other verses in 1 Corinthians 7, to say that it’s better for all Christians to be single rather than married. However, when you read each verse in context, that is not what Paul is saying. In fact, in some contexts, Paul explicitly states it’s “better to be married” (1 Corinthians 7:9).

So does Paul just contradict himself throughout 1 Corinthians 7? No. He has a main point in this passage and it’s really not about being married or single. His main point in 1 Corinthians 7 is that we should all be putting Christ first no matter what earthly situations or obligations we have. He makes this clear in 1 Corinthians 7:35, “I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.”

Thus, Paul is not saying it’s best for everyone to be single and it’s second best to get married. Rather, he’s saying that each person should pursue singleness or marriage based upon how God has gifted them. If you can better serve God in singleness, pursue singleness. If you can better serve God in marriage, pursue marriage, for “each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another” (1 Corinthians 7:7).

For more on this topic, you can read my article called Does the Bible Say It’s Better to Be Single Rather than Married?

#3: Genesis 2:22, “And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.”

I’ve heard this verse used by men as justification for how God would bring your future wife into your life without you doing anything proactive. Like Adam who just laid there and then God brought Eve to him, some Christians believe this is how God wants us to act if we want to get married.

The problem with using this verse in that way is that you would need to be consistent with everything else God did. If you believe God is going to just bring a woman into your life like he did for Adam, then you should also expect God to put you asleep, take your rib, and miraculously create a woman for you like he did for Adam.

Obviously Adam and Eve’s story is unique. They were the first two humans so God had to do something supernatural to create their relationship. However, when you read the beginning of Genesis, it’s very clear God wanted to include Adam and Eve in his work on earth. He told them to be fruitful and multiply and to rule over his creation (Genesis 1:26-29). He didn’t make them so he could just do everything for them.

Therefore, it’s a bad application of Genesis 2:22 to say that you should do nothing but wait for God to bring you your future spouse. Yes, God will have to do it. But he will not do it all for you without you playing your part (Proverbs 16:3).

If God wanted us all to just lay there and do nothing but watch him work, there would have been no point to create us. He made us because he wants to include us in everything he’s doing (Matthew 28:18-20). This includes relationships as well.

#4: Proverbs 18:22, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.”

I’ve seen this verse used by women as justification for them to be very passive because they feel it is completely the man’s job to pursue.

My critique of this application is nuanced, so you’ll have to pay close attention to what I’m saying here. I agree that the Bible does lead a man to pursue a woman. However, I don’t think this verse should be used to justify “the man should pursue” as a command to men or to give women a free pass on participating in forming the relationship.

Firstly, Proverbs is a book of principles. Throughout this book, there are many examples of men and women doing different things as a way of teaching us all lessons. Thus, if you see Proverbs 18:22 as a command to men to pursue a woman, you would also have to see all the other verses in Proverbs that are stated in the male as just relating to men. For example, when it talks about the dangers of the adulterous woman, you would have to say these verses are just highlighting adulterous women and not adulterous men.

So rather than focusing on the “finding a wife” phrase in Proverbs 18:22, I believe this verse should be used to show that marriage is a gift from God to both men and women. A woman who finds a husband also obtains favor from the Lord.

Lastly, I don’t think this verse should be seen as a command for men to pursue because I don’t think the Bible commands men to pursue. I think there is a principle and pattern in Scripture about men pursuing, but not a command. Thus, I don’t think it’s always sinful for a woman to be more proactive in some instances.

So you might think I’m being a bit nitpicky about how people are using Proverbs 18:22. But I’m simply cautioning about making commands in the Bible that aren’t actually commands. If we start saying a man is commanded by God to pursue a woman in a particular way, I think that will lead to a legalism and stifle men and women in ways that Scripture doesn’t do.

And to be clear, again, I do believe God wants men to pursue and women to be inviting before marriage. But God only commands male leadership in marriage, not before marriage. So this is a quality you should see in a man before marriage but a man should not actually be acting like a husband before marriage. You want to see that potential in him without submitting to him as wife does to a husband. Women and men should not be taking on the marriage roles before marriage. This is why I feel very strongly about not commanding single men and women to approach marriage in very strict way that the Bible does not explicitly state.

#5: Hosea 1:2, “When the Lord first spoke through Hosea, the Lord said to Hosea, ‘Go, take to yourself a wife of whoredom and have children of whoredom, for the land commits great whoredom by forsaking the Lord.’”

I actually have a whole separate article tackling this one, Will God Tell You to Marry Someone You Don’t Want to Marry? I encourage you to read that article for a full explanation.

Big picture, the book of Hosea does not give us enough details to say that Hosea was forced to marry a woman he didn’t want to marry. We might assume he didn’t want to marry Gomer because she was a prostitute, but the text doesn’t say that. In fact, God just commanded him to marry a woman of whoredom. Hosea got to choose the specific woman himself (Hosea 1:2-3).  There’s simply no verse in Hosea that states he objected to this union or didn’t want to marry her.

There are also no verses telling us the details of Gomer’s whoredom. Was she sinning but then repented? Did she then backslide but then repent again? We don’t know. So it’s not wise to make a strict rule out of this passage where we would have to infer so much.

Additionally, Scripture interprets Scripture. When something in unclear in one passage, you should go to a different passage that is clear about the topic you have questions about. In 1 Corinthians 7:36, for example, Paul states very clearly that a man and woman should only get married if they have a strong passion for each other. Thus, it would be biblically inconsistent to say that God would command you to marry someone you didn’t want to marry.

Lastly, marriage is supposed to reflect Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:22-33). Thus, it would be a bad symbol if God was commanding Christians to marry people they don’t want to marry because that would then symbolize Christ and his church not liking each other, which is obviously untrue. Christ loves the church and the church loves Christ. Thus, that should be what is aimed at in marriage.

#6: Song of Solomon 8:4, “I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.”

This is a very helpful verse that many Christians use to encourage patience and caution when dating. That is a great application point.

However, this verse can be misused when it’s overapplied. For some, they feel love will never awaken and thus they must never open their heart. They take verses like Proverbs 4:23 about guarding the heart and make it seem like God wants us to wall our hearts off from ever loving someone.

While we must be patient and wise with our hearts, we must also remember that risk is required if you want to experience true love. In fact, Song of Solomon not only warns against patience, but in a way, it also warns against procrastination. While you can stir up your heart too early, this verse also implies that you could miss the timing that love should awaken between you and another. When love is “ready,” you have to take a risk and let it awaken.