3 Signs God Is Saying, “She’s Not The One”

Choosing the right wife is one of the most important decisions you will ever make. Marriage can either be a blessing that draws you closer to Christ, or it can be a weight that pulls you away from your calling. When you are seeking God’s guidance in this area, one of the clearest ways he speaks is through the actions of the woman you’re considering.

Here are three actions from a woman that often mean God is saying, “She’s not the one.”

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1. If She Is Doing Things that Are Distracting You from Ministry, God Is Saying, “She’s Not The One”

Whether it’s serving in the church, discipling others, volunteering at a nonprofit, or being a light in your workplace, God has entrusted you with ministry work to do (Ephesians 2:10). The wrong woman will not fuel that calling—she will drain it.

Paul warned in 2 Timothy 4:5, “As for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.” Notice that Paul emphasized fulfilling the ministry, not neglecting it.

If being with her leads you to skip church, abandon opportunities to serve, or compromise your witness, that’s a sign God is not blessing the relationship. A godly woman should help you run the race of faith—not weigh you down with distractions that pull you off course.

2. If She Is Cold or Lukewarm Toward Jesus, God Is Saying, “She’s Not The One”

Passion for Jesus is not optional in a godly marriage—it’s essential. If she only gives lip service to faith, shows no real desire to grow spiritually, or treats Christ as an afterthought, then she is not the partner God wants for you (1 Peter 3:7).

Jesus said in Revelation 3:16, “So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth.”

If she rarely prays, doesn’t study the word consistently, and only attends church when convenient, her love for Christ is not burning brightly. That lack of devotion will eventually impact your relationship, because a marriage without a shared pursuit of Jesus is like a house built without a foundation—it may stand for a while, but eventually, it will collapse (Matthew 7:24-27).

3. If She Doesn’t Prioritize You Over Other Men, God Is Saying, “She’s Not The One”

When God brings two people together, he intends for them to value one another above all others. Loyalty, trust, and exclusivity are non-negotiables in a Christ-centered relationship. If she entertains constant attention from other men, flirts openly, or makes you feel like you’re just one option among many, that is not the heart of a woman prepared to be your godly wife.

Scripture commands in Genesis 2:24, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Marriage is about leaving, cleaving, and uniting. If she is not seeking to prioritize you before dating or in dating, she is not the woman God has called to prioritize you in marriage.

A woman who values your relationship will set healthy boundaries with other men. She will respect you enough to protect your trust. But if she constantly seeks validation from others or puts male friendships above her commitment to you, then God is warning you that she is not the one.

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