Before we can talk about whether God is using someone to test you, we must first clarify the difference between a test and a temptation, including when it comes to relationships.
First, the Bible does give examples of God testing people. For example, Genesis 22:1 says, “After these things God tested Abraham and said to him . . .” However, while the Bible clearly shows that God can allow or initiate a test, Scripture is equally clear that God never tempts you to sin (James 1:13).
The next thing we need to clarify is why God allows tests. A test is an opportunity to reap the rewards for showing faith in God. So God isn’t testing us to see if we fail. Rather, God gives us a test as an opportunity to obey him, which always leads to good things. As James 1:12 states, “Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.”
When someone enters your life—especially someone attractive, charming, or spiritually intriguing—it can be difficult to discern whether God is writing a love story or allowing a test to take place. But if you look closely, Scripture gives us clear markers to distinguish between the two.
Here are three signs God sent someone into your life, not to become your future spouse, but to test your heart, refine your faith, and prepare you for the future relationship he truly wants for you.
1. God May Be Testing You If a Romantic Disappointment Is Increasing Your Dependence and Joy in Christ
God made romance and the desire for a relationship. And yet, in sin, we can turn anything good into an idol. Thus, in order for us to experience the true joy of a relationship as God intended, we first have to let go of idolizing romance. When we want a spouse to fill our hearts with the joy only Christ can give, we not only miss out on Christ’s joy, but we also miss out on the joy we could experience from a biblical spouse.
Sometimes God allows a relationship that does not work out to deepen your dependence on him. When you begin developing feelings for someone—especially someone who genuinely seems godly—it is normal to feel hopeful. But what happens when that interest doesn’t move forward? When the person is inconsistent? When the situation is unclear? When the relationship remains stuck in confusion, no matter how much potential you saw?
For many Christian singles, God uses exactly this type of situation as a test of faith. In moments like this, you can either shake your fist at God for not doing what you wanted, or you can open your fist, turn your palms up, and surrender your life to God, no matter what he does or does not allow.
You could say, “God, why would you let me have feelings for someone who isn’t choosing me? Why let this happen?” Or, you could say, “Even though this hurts, I’m grateful you’re with me. I trust you. You are still good.” 1 Peter 1:6-7 states
In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”
Similarly, for many singles, God uses romantic disappointment to reveal where their hope truly rests. When a relationship you wanted falls through but your praise remains intact—when your worship increases instead of decreases—this is often a sign God is testing and strengthening you.
In fact, many Christians experience a massive transformation in life only after they experience a painful relationship letdown. In the pain, God changes you. If a relational test is causing you to cling to God with deeper sincerity, that’s a sign he is using this relationship to refine you.
2. God Is Testing You If Someone’s Presence Is Exposing Your Heart’s True Condition
Whenever God asks us a question, it’s never because he doesn’t already know the answer. Rather, God wants us to become aware of the answer. Sometimes this is why God sends someone into your life. This person becomes a question from God to you, and the answer you give will help you realize where your heart really is.
Many singles think they are healed, strong, and spiritually ready for marriage; but then God allows them to go through something to highlight an area of concern that would never have been addressed without this test.
In Genesis 3:9, God asked Adam, “Where are you?” He didn’t ask this because he didn’t know. Rather, he wanted Adam to reflect and realize where he was. Adam was hiding from God. And only by coming out of the shadows and back into God’s presence could God help him. When God asked Adam that question, I imagine Adam coming to his senses, realizing how far he had fallen, and then asking himself in remorse, “How did I get here? What have I done?”
Likewise, if a test is exposing some area of weakness in you, don’t hide from God in fear. He allowed all this to happen so you would come to him. He wants to heal you and mature you for the future plans he has for you.
Similarly, when Jesus asked Philip how they would feed the five thousand, John 6:6 states, “He said this to test him, for he himself knew what he would do.” Jesus already knew the answer. He wanted Philip to know where his faith actually stood.
Likewise, God sometimes allows someone to enter your life romantically so that—through the tension, uncertainty, or disappointment—they reveal the true condition of your heart.
Many of us realize how deeply we need to grow only after the test is over. And without this person, we never would have seen ourselves clearly.
3. God Is Testing You If This Connection Is Giving You the Opportunity to Choose Obedience Over Desire
Perhaps the clearest sign God is testing you through a person is when the relationship forces you to choose between your longing for romance and your loyalty to God.
This is what happened with Abraham in Genesis 22 when asked to sacrifice Isaac. Though the context is completely different, the principle is timeless: God sometimes asks us to surrender something deeply precious so he can strengthen our faith and reward our obedience.
In the realm of Christian singleness, this “Isaac moment” often takes the form of a relationship that feels meaningful and emotionally significant, but in time God makes it clear that it must be laid on the altar.
Hebrews 11:17-19 teaches that Abraham’s test was not to punish him but to reward him:
By faith Abraham, when he was tested, offered up Isaac, and he who had received the promises was in the act of offering up his only son, of whom it was said, ‘Through Isaac shall your offspring be named.’ He considered that God was able even to raise him from the dead, from which, figuratively speaking, he did receive him back.”
Every relational test offers you the chance to align with God’s will and reap the blessings that come through faithfulness.
