If you are a Christian single woman, one of the most confusing types of guys is the “deep thinker.”
A guy who is a deep thinker is easily misunderstood. His timing, his words, and his actions are oftentimes very different compared to what a woman is used to. This can be frustrating. The temptation for a woman dealing with this type of guy is to lose patience and move on.
However, while many of these guys will require extra energy at the beginning of the connection, they often will reward the woman in many surprising ways if she just sticks with it and gives him some extra grace.
With that said, if you are a Christian single woman and you have questions about a guy who might like you but he’s also a deep thinker, here are 3 things to consider.
And I also wanted to quickly let you know about my new book, Invite Him: 16 Rules from Ruth to Help Your Future Husband Find You.
In this study, I go through the book of Ruth verse-by-verse and help single women discover biblical principles that will teach them exactly how to help their future husbands find them.
And to celebrate the launch of this new book and to get it into the hands of as many people as possible, I’m offering it for just $5.99 until 10/13/204. After that, the regular price will be $15.99.
For more information about this Bible study for Christian single women who want a godly man to pursue them, click here!
1. When a Deep Thinker Pursues a Woman, He Will Usually Move Very Slowly Because He Is Also Going to Move Very Intentionally
The reason behind the man’s slow pace in pursuing should matter a lot to you as a woman if you desire a godly man. Some guys are just passive because they don’t know what they want or they are afraid of being rejected. While a deep thinker might appear passive at first, this is not necessarily true of him.
One reason a deep thinker will require more time is because he will need that time to process the information available to him. Yes, sometimes a guy like this does overcomplicate the process of getting to know a woman. He may read into situations and words too deeply, particularly at the beginning of the relationship. But one benefit to a man like this is that he will eventually come to a deeper understanding of you much faster than many other guys.
Because he will take so much time to process your words and actions, he will minimize the need for long seasons of superficial connections and small talk. He is slow to express feelings compared to other men. But when he acts, he will also be a lot more intentional and reliable compared to many other guys.
Again, this can be confusing to women because in the beginning, a deep thinker and a passive guy can send a lot of the same signs. Over time, however, you will clearly see the difference. A passive man will be passive no matter what you say or do. A deep thinker, however, will use the information you give him to pursue you in a thoughtful and insightful way. Thus, the pain you will experience in giving him extra time to move slowly at his pace with you will be greatly rewarded in the long run.
It’s like building a house. You may be really excited to paint the walls and decorate with new furniture. But it will first take a lot of time to lay a good foundation (Matthew 7:24-27). By rushing the early parts, which might seem boring to you, you will be rushing some of the most important steps (Proverbs 19:2, 20:21). The same is true when it comes to relationships. A deep-thinking man is good at laying a solid foundation for many years of fun and love together (Proverbs 21:5).
2. When a Deep Thinker Pursues a Woman, He Oftentimes Moves Towards a Serious Commitment Faster than Most Guys
Everything I said in point 1 mostly relates to the beginning phases of a connection being built. Deep thinkers require a lot of upfront investment from a woman. They won’t waste their time trying to ask her on a date or pursue her romantically if this woman is not giving him the time to process if he should pursue her like that.
However, once he does feel led to act, it usually doesn’t take him nearly as much time to go from “let’s get to know each other” to “let’s get serious about pursuing marriage together.” A normal guy will have a steadier rhythm throughout the dating to marriage journey. The beginning, middle, and end phases will be similar. The deep thinker, however, will have less time and energy for the middle parts of the journey towards marriage.
Because he processes things so deeply, this allows him to feel much more comfortable making commitments compared to most men. Proverbs 13:16 (NLT), “Wise people think before they act; fools don’t—and even brag about their foolishness.”
If he is a flakey guy who doesn’t think deeply, then be cautious with a guy who is making commitments sooner than expected. But if he truly is a deep thinker and he took plenty of time to get to this phase of serious commitment with you, it’s more realistic that he actually means what he says even though it seems a bit quick to you.
This way of behaving by deep thinkers can be scary for some women. The good thing about a deep thinker is that he can reassess his actions and speed and consider things from your perspective if you give him that data to process.
So just be clear with a man like this. Tell him about your personality. Perhaps you do need longer in the middle phases. He will understand this because it’s logical to him that not all people are the same. He just needs that information about you so he can understand it.
3. When a Deep Thinker Pursues a Woman, He Does So Because She Engages His Mind
Deep thinkers don’t enjoy small talk. They know they need to do it sometimes to be polite and to get to know someone. But this is not what they are after. They don’t want a lot of superficial relationships with many people. They would much rather have a few very deep connections with a select group of people that also enjoy deep thinking.
So, don’t force it with a deep thinker. Not everyone is wired this way (1 Peter 4:10). And that’s okay. If you find it exhausting to talk about deep theology, philosophy, or complex issues that don’t have obvious solutions, a guy like this will probably exhaust you in the long-run. But if you do like this type of thing, just be yourself. The deep thinker will notice you and be drawn to how you are engaging his mind.
For more information about by newest book, Invite Him: 16 Rules from Ruth to Help Your Future Husband Find You, click here.
To celebrate the launch of this new book, I’m currently offering it for just $5.99 until 10/13/24. After that, the regular price will be $15.99.
