Are you finding it difficult to get over someone you never even dated? It can be confusing to feel hurt and broken about a relationship that never even happened, but it is very possible (and common) to feel really hurt when a you liked someone but then it becomes apparent a relationship is not going to occur with this person.
As Christians, we do not need to try to move on alone. In fact, God is inviting each of us to walk through the trials of life with him, including when it comes to relationship hurts and wounds.
So here are 3 ways God can help you get over someone you never dated. I’d also recommend reviewing Christian Advice: How to Get Over Someone as I discuss 4 additional helpful pointers in that video/article that I will not go over here.
1. God Can Help You Get Over Someone You Never Dated By Opening Your Eyes to the Endless Relationship Possibilities He Alone Can Create
One of the main reasons we can find it difficult to move on from a relationship that never even happened is because somewhere along the way we started to believe this relationship was our only chance at receiving the Christian marriage we hope to have one day.
It’s so hard as a Christian single person to really like someone but then realize the relationship isn’t going to happen because, for one, it is very hard in general as a Christian to meet someone you really like. When you are single and you have not met your future spouse, it can seem impossible for you to meet someone that you would truly want to marry. So when you finally meet someone that you are excited about, the hopelessness you feel after it does not work out can be worse than the hopelessness you felt before you started having feelings for this person.
So one way God will help you get over this person you never dated will be by helping you see once more how powerful God is to produce something out of nothing. Let’s take a step back from relationships and look at something far more amazing that God did – if you are a Christian, he saved you. As 1 Peter 2:10 states, “Once you were not a people, but now you are God’s people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.” If God can save us from our sins through Jesus Christ, producing a marriage in our lives is not a hard thing for him to do.
I know it can feel impossible for you to ever meet someone you like as much as you liked this person you never got to date, but you must remember that God has literally produced millions and millions of marriages before, and he is more than able to produce a godly marriage in your life as well.
The creativity of God is endless. To think that God can only produce a marriage in your life in the one way that you imagined he would is limiting the power of God. You will never know exactly what God will do in your life until he does it. In the meantime, you have to remain faithful even when God has yet to reveal how he will unfold your future.
2. God Can Help You Get Over Someone You Never Dated By Restoring a God-Centered Hope in You
Oftentimes the real issue is not that you were so in love with this person that you are now hopeless without him or her; rather, the real issue is that you often feel hopeless because you started to believe this one relationship opportunity was your only chance of ever receiving the godly Christian marriage you desire. Now that you realize this relationship will never happen, you now also believe your chance at marriage in general is gone as well.
If you have lost hope because this one relationship did not work out, you don’t really have a relationship issue – you have a hope issue. As Proverbs 13:12 states, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” This Bible verse has massive implications. The main point, however, should be that we must always place our primary hope for joy in God alone. If our hope for joy is placed in something else besides God, eventually our hope will be deferred and our hearts will become sick because only God alone will never disappoint us.
Thankfully when you readjust your gaze and focus less on the past and more on the God who controls your future, your hope in God can grow again. As Romans 12:11-12 (NIV) states, “Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”
The key is not to hope in a relationship but to rather place your hope in God. God alone is what we need most, and God alone can produce the relationship you desire.
3. God Can Help You Get Over Someone You Never Dated By Giving You the Right Balance Between Acceptance and Change
I believe one of the most important things any good counselor will help people with is finding the right balance between acceptance and change. If we never learn to accept reality and we are always upset because life does not look like what we imagined in our minds, we will always be frustrated and discontent.
The reality is, so much of life is simply out of our control. We can’t control what diseases might manifest in our bodies, we can’t control when earthquakes happen or when they don’t, and we can’t make someone feel towards us the way that we feel towards them. If you never learn to accept the things that happen in your life, you will never be able to move forward. You will get stuck complaining about how unfair the world is and how impossible it is for you to be happy.
Personal responsibility starts with acceptance but it does not end there. The power you will gain from acceptance only manifests when it translates to change. The reason you must accept what you can’t change is so you can better focus on what you can change. Acceptance should not lead to despair and hopelessness. Rather, acceptance should lead you to let go of what is out of your control so you can take hold of what is in your control.
You can’t control who wants to be with you, who wants to spend time with you, and who will reciprocate your feelings. But you can control who you decide to meet, who you decide to invest in, and who you decide to open your heart up to one day.
When you realize what you can’t control so you can take action in the areas of your life that you can control, you will be able to fully move on from the person you really liked but never got to date. Oftentimes our feelings follow our choices. Choose to move on and eventually your feelings will catch up. But if you never make the choice and you keep looking back with a passive mindset because you believe nothing is in your control, you will always be stuck in the past. It might not happen overnight, but you have the power to internally choose to move on and keep living your life for the glory of God.