In the Christian dating world, advice is everywhere. Some of it is biblical and wise, but some of it, though well-intentioned, actually hurts your chances of forming a genuine connection with a godly woman.
Many Christian men end up following certain “tips” that seem spiritual but actually push them into the dreaded “friend zone.” Here are four common mistakes—disguised as Christian dating advice—that can sabotage your pursuit of a meaningful relationship.
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1. Treat Her Like Your Sister: Only Treating Her Like Your “Sister in Christ” and Being Too Slow to Make a Move Will Get You Friendzoned
“Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity.” (1 Timothy 5:1–2)
Yes, Scripture calls us to treat women with purity, as sisters. But some men take this to the extreme and never move beyond that dynamic. While the man in Song of Solomon sometimes called the woman his sister (Song of Solomon 4:9), he certainly didn’t just treat her like his sister all the time.
It’s clear in Scripture that there are different types of relationships between men and women. While a sister and brother is the basis for all Christians of the opposite sex, if you want to move beyond that into marriage, you have to take some steps to get there. If you only ever call her “sis” or treat her as though she’s simply another buddy in the group, she’ll see you as safe—but not as someone she could romantically connect with.
If you only emphasize friendship, she will keep you in that category. Treat her with respect, yes—but don’t be afraid to show her intentionality if you’re genuinely interested. You can make a move in a moral, godly way.
2. Your Spiritual Qualities Are the Only Thing that Matter to Her: Over-Spiritualizing Every Interaction Will Get You Friendzoned
“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1)
Some men think quoting Scripture at every opportunity or making every conversation about deep spiritual truths will show maturity. But if you’re constantly turning casual conversations into sermons, she may feel like she’s talking to her pastor—not a potential boyfriend.
The truth is, to go from friends to dating, you need to connect in casual ways too, not just in spiritual ways. It’s like seasoning food—salt brings out flavor, but dump the whole shaker on a meal, and no one wants to eat it.
A woman of faith does want to see your love for Jesus, but she also wants to laugh, share stories, and feel at ease around you. If everything is a “mini-sermon,” you’ll quickly land in the friend zone because she won’t sense natural chemistry.
3. Just Be Nice to Her: Being “Too Nice” in a Passive Way Will Get You Frienzoned
“The wicked flee when no one pursues, but the righteous are bold as a lion.” (Proverbs 28:1)
Christian men are called to be kind, gentle, and humble. These are wonderful qualities. But if you confuse “being Christlike” with being passive, indecisive, or overly agreeable, she’ll see you as lacking leadership and strength.
This is the classic “nice guy” problem. Kindness and humility are essential, but so are boldness and clarity. If you never show initiative—never ask her out, never express your interest—you’ll be respected as “a nice guy” but not considered for romance.
4. Prioritize Friendship with Her Over Everything Else: Trying to Become Best Friends So You Can Date Her Will Get You Friendzoned
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” (Proverbs 13:12)
One of the most common Christian dating “tips” is to “become her best friend first.” While friendship is important and I think it does create a great foundation for romance, I don’t believe you should try to become “best friends” with a single woman.
If you make friendship your strategy rather than a natural foundation, you’re essentially delaying the truth: you’re interested in her. Many men hide behind this approach because they’re afraid of rejection. Unfortunately, this tactic often backfires—because once she sees you as “just a friend,” it’s very hard to change that category in her mind.
To enter into romance with a woman, you have to be willing to risk the friendship. If you’re too afraid of losing her as a friend, you will never gain her as a wife. Sure, if you ask her out, it will change the friendship and nothing will be the same. But that’s okay. Your friendship with her will change anyways once she does start dating a man and get married. So you might as well take your short while you have the chance if you hope to be something more than just friends with her.
It’s like applying for a job but refusing to say you actually want the position. If you only ever present yourself as “someone who’s happy to help,” don’t be surprised when you never get promoted.
Women value honesty. If your true desire is a romantic relationship, you should express that rather than disguising it in prolonged “friendship mode.”
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