4 Clues Your Desire for Someone Really Is from God and Not from Yourself

Sometimes it’s not possible to know if your desire for someone is from God or just from yourself. In moments like these, the only solution will be to wait and see. In time, the relationship will either materialize or fizzle out.

However, when you have a desire for someone that was given to you by God, there are often some common clues that will be present to help confirm this.

Therefore, here are 4 clues your desire for a certain person really is from God and not from yourself.

1. If Your Desire for This Person Is Aligned with Biblical Principles and Commands, That Is a Strong Sign God Is Giving You This Desire

Whenever God is behind a desire, you will know it by the direction in which this desire is leading you to go. If a desire is leading you down a sinful path, you can be sure that desire is not from God.

For example, Philippians 2:13 (NLT) states, “For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.” If you have a desire to do something that would not please God, which is to say it would be unbiblical, that desire is not from the Lord. If this person is an unbeliever, tempting you into sexual sin, or leading you away from Jesus, God is not the one giving you a desire for this person since those are unbiblical paths.

However, if your desire for this man or woman is helping you obey biblical commands and principles, such as pursuing a marriage for the glory God, that is a good sign God is behind this desire.

Thus, it’s important to remember that marriage glorifies God, which is why God has given some people the desire to get married (1 Corinthians 7:7, 1 Corinthians 7:36, Genesis 2:18).

2. If God Is Opening the Door for You to Actually Fulfill This Desire You Have for This Person, That Is a Good Sign It’s from God

A desire can be biblical and good while still not being directly from God. In other words, sometimes you have a good desire for something that is biblical but God is saying no. We don’t always get what we want and when we want it.

This person you have a desire for may be a Christian, they may be mature enough to thrive in marriage, and they may be very attractive to you. However, just because these good desires are present does not mean they are from God. When God is giving you a desire, it will be a good desire and he will help you accomplish that desire in tangible ways.

This principle was often how Paul concluded where God wanted him to preach the gospel. For example, Acts 16:7-8 states, “And when they had come up to Mysia, they attempted to go into Bithynia, but the Spirit of Jesus did not allow them. So, passing by Mysia, they went down to Troas.” Paul had a good desire to do ministry at Bithynia, but he concluded this was not God’s will. Thus, because the door was open at Troas and he also wanted to do ministry there, Paul concluded this desire was from God.

Likewise, when you have a desire from God for a certain person, the doors will be open for you to participate in a real relationship with this person.

3. If Your Desire for This Person Is Rooted in Love and Not Selfishness, This Is a Good Sign God Has Given You This Desire

Why you want something is just as important as what you want (James 4:3). When God is behind a desire, not only will the desire be pure but the motive behind the desire will also be pure.

It’s certainly not sinful to want to be with someone because you feel you would be happy in this relationship. God doesn’t expect you to try to marry someone who you feel would make you miserable. However, there does come a point where our desire for personal happiness in a relationship goes too far and it turns into self-centeredness.

When true love is present, you will not only want to be with this person because of what they can do for you; you will also want to be in a relationship with them because of what you feel you can do for them (John 15:13). You will want to have a greater relationship with this person so you can offer a greater form of sacrificial love to this person that is not possible without a greater commitment level.

4. If You Desire This Person Because You Know This Relationship Would Help and Not Hurt Your Walk with God, That Is a Good Sign God Has Given You This Desire

Our human relationships directly affect our relationship with God. For good or bad, the people you spend your time with will either encourage you to love God more or they will discourage you and influence you to love God less.

This is why 2 Timothy 2:22 states, “So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.”

Thus, God will give you a desire for people who will help you desire him more (James 4:4, 1 Peter 3:7, 1 Thessalonians 5:11).