As this article goes on, I’m going to also talk about having a desire for someone that God does not want you with.
But first, let’s talk about having a desire for someone that you are not currently with but who God will allow you to be with one day.
And for those of you who have purchased my new book, Christ-Centered Dating, and for those of you who will purchase this book at some point, I wanted to let you know about the free bonus material I’m giving to you.
For anyone who purchases this book, I’m giving you 5 of my other books (in PDF) for free and access to a private Facebook group where you can interact with other Christian singles who also believe in the biblical relationship principles I unpack in Christ-Centered Dating.
More information can be found at the end of this article.
1. God Will Often Wait to Fulfill a Lesser Blessing Until We Are Fully Satisfied in Him First
It’s painful to have a desire for someone who you can’t currently be with. Why not take this desire away for a bit and then give it back to you once you can actually be with this person?
One powerful passage about God fulfilling our desires is found in Psalm 37:4, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” This is a very comforting verse, and rightfully so! However, this verse is often misused and misapplied.
The first thing we should notice is the connection between the command “delight yourself in the Lord” and the promise “and he will give you the desires of your heart.” I don’t believe this means that if you delight in God, he will become your genie and give you the other things you want. Rather, this verse primarily means that when you delight in God, he will give you the desire of your heart because the deepest desire of your heart is to delight in God.
With that said, I also believe that God often waits to give us lesser blessings until we are prepared to handle them and use them for his glory. And that occurs when our hearts are right with him. If he fulfilled our other desires before we were right with him, we would turn those other blessings into idols and miss what God wants for us (Psalm 16:2-3).
A relationship from God will increase your love and joy in God, not detract from it.
2. God Wants You to Learn to Manage Your Desires Rather Than You Being Managed By Your Desires
One extreme example of this principle can be seen with Cain. Before he killed Able, God said to him, “If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is contrary to you, but you must rule over it” (Genesis 4:7). Instead of taking away Cain’s desire to kill his brother, God wanted Cain to learn to rule his desires and not be ruled by them.
If you want to avoid becoming like Cain who was ruled by his desire and became cursed because he acted wickedly, then you must learn to not be dominated and ruled by the desires you have.
Whether those desires are good, like when you want a godly relationship, or those desires are bad, like Cain wanting to kill Able – we must not be ruled by any desire other than the desire to please the Lord (1 Corinthians 6:12).
3. God Is Not Removing Your Desire for that Person Because You Keep Re-agitating the Wound He’s Trying to Heal
Now let’s talk about having a desire for someone that God does not want you to be with. One reason these desires often remain is because we are not following God’s road to healing.
If you keep talking to someone you have feelings for, it’s like adding more fuel to the fire. If you want the fire to stop burning, you have to stop giving it fuel. It takes time for the current fuel to burn up, but eventually, if you neglect the fire, the flame will die.
If you are checking their social media, spending time with them, trying to play the friend card, or isolating yourself and thus preventing other healthy desires with new people from growing – your desire for this person will remain much longer than it needs to.
If you want the desire to go away, you have to stop feeding that desire and start feeding your other desires (Romans 12:21, Romans 13:14).
4. You Have to Detach the Hope You Attached to This Person
One of the main reasons we find it difficult to let certain people go is because they have come to represent something more to us. In other words, when you have a romantic desire for someone, it’s easy to not only want them but to attach your larger desire for marriage to that person.
As some of you have heard me talk about before, I call this a “symbolic representation.” Our hearts often like to attach a face to a deeper longing. If you want to be married one day, your heart often attaches that desire to a certain person’s face. Sometimes you can’t let this person go not because you really want this person but because you really want to be married in general and you have come to associate your hope for marriage with this person.
To overcome this, you have to separate your good desire for marriage from this person. Put your hope in God, not in this person who is not for you. If God has called you to marriage, he will fulfill your hope in his timing with the right person (Song of Solomon 8:4).
What Does The Christ-Centered Bonus Material Include?
Access to the Christ-Centered Dating Facebook Group
Within this group, you will get to:
- Answer questions from Mark Ballenger to spark meaningful conversations with like-minded Christian singles who also believe in the principles outlined in Christ-Centered Dating.
- Ask questions and share insights with other group members.
- Help answer other people’s relationship questions and offer encouragement as others share their relationship journey with the group.
- Fellowship with other Christian singles who also believe in the biblical principles about relationships outlined in the book, Christ-Centered Dating.
Access to 5 Free eBooks (PDF)
Each of these books are sold exclusively on Amazon. But when you purchase Christ-Centered Dating, you get the PDF of each of these books for free.
The 5 free books included in this offer are:
- The Ultimate Guide to Christian Singleness: This book covers a wide range of common questions Christians singles often have. Why am I still single? Is God calling me to a life of singleness? How can I use this season for God’s glory? Is God punishing me with singleness because of my past sins? How can I find a godly spouse? This book is divided into four sections which cover the common phases of Christian singleness. It has 30 short chapters, each with three reflection questions meant for small group Bible studies or individual use. (Click here to view on Amazon.)
- Redeemed Like David: How to Overcome Sexual Temptation: Do you desire to overcome lust, porn, masturbation, and all other forms of sexual temptation? Do you value the power of God’s Word? Redeemed Like David offers a Christ-centered, Bible-based blueprint for overcoming all forms of sexual sin. Perhaps the most notorious sexual failure in the whole Bible was King David’s affair with Bathsheba. And yet, even with this massive sexual blemish in David’s past, God still called King David “a man after my own heart” (Acts 13:22). How can this be? The key to understanding David’s redemption is Psalm 51. In Redeemed Like David you will find that Psalm 51 is a roadmap on how to break free from the addictive sexual sins that have consistently plagued you. (Click here to view on Amazon.)
- 10 Powerful Tips to Prepare You for a Successful Christian Dating Relationship: In this concise mini-eBook, I share with you 10 powerful tips to help you succeed in Christian dating. These 10 tips build on each other, taking you from the pre-dating season right up to the point of engagement. We systematically discuss the practical and spiritual steps in the meeting, dating, and marrying process. If you are looking for a quick crash course into Christian dating, this book will not disappoint.
- Never Quit: 5 Dynamic Prayer Lessons from Luke 18:1-8: Jesus knows what we’ve been through and he knows what’s ahead. He knows how easy it will be for us to give up. And so, in kindness, he offers us a way out; or perhaps to say it a better way, he offers us a way through. He teaches us how to never quit. In a short but powerful parable found in Luke 18:1-8, Jesus uses the persistence of a desperate widow to open our minds to the awesome love and sovereignty of God. And when we embrace these two core truths about God, it changes everything, especially our prayer life. (Click here to view on Amazon.)
- Basic Transformation: A Bible Study on Christian Transformation: Each of the 8 chapters in this book takes a foundational Christian truth and applies it to the area of transformation. God tells us all to come as we are, but he always intends to change us once we do finally come to him. Each chapter is structured into three sections: what, why, and how. What is the topic? Why is this topic key for transformation? How can I apply this truth in my life? This is a great Bible study if you are looking to reflect on the foundations of Christianity with a fresh focus aimed on application and transformation. (Click here to view on Amazon.)
To get the 100% off coupon code for all of the Christ-Centered Dating bonus material, follow these steps:
Step 1: Purchase Christ-Centered Dating in any format (paperback, eBook, or audiobook) and from any seller. Click here to purchase it on Amazon.
Step 2: Email your proof of purchase to this email address: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Simply forward your receipt, confirmation email from the seller, or a screenshot of your receipt to the above email address.
Step 3: Within 24 hours, once your proof of purchase has been verified, you will receive an email with the 100% off coupon code. (If you don’t see this email, check your spam folder.) The link to the course with all the bonus material will also be included in this email. The course can also be found here: https://agwuniversity.teachable.com/p/the-christ-centered-dating-bonus-material
Step 4: Use that code to then enroll in this course to get all this bonus material for free!