Today we are going to be reacting to a video from a wife and mother who posted on TikTok about how she will not thank her husband for doing chores around the house.
The point of this video is not to exalt ourselves as men and put this woman down. Rather, I think this video can help Christian single men discover some red flags in women who would eventually wear them out if they were to get into a relationship with them.
So here are 4 biblical warnings that a woman would wear you out if you got into a relationship with her.
Point 1: A Woman Who Has a Way of Diving in Deep to Find Micro Issues to Talk About Will Eventually Wear You Out
I don’t know if this woman posts things like this a lot. Every now and then, we all have some pet peeves that we want to talk about that are probably a waste of time.
However, that is different than someone who just loves to talk about problems endlessly. Sometimes, there are no real problems left, and so to get that little jolt of talking about an issue, you have to dive in deep to really find an issue.
As you will see, it appears this woman has thought a lot about what deserves a thank you to her husband and what does not. I would say that in a healthy relationship, this is not even a topic that would come up. Just live your life and be kind. If a woman seems to constantly find a way to have deep dialogue about issues that are not really issues, this will exhaust you.
As Christian men, we want to be defined by Ephesians 4:29 and to also be in a relationship with a woman who strives to use her words like this too, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
Point 2: A Woman Who Is So Afraid of Getting Mistreated By a Man that She Is Focusing on Nonissues Will Wear You Out
We certainly don’t know the motives of this woman’s heart. However, as you’ll see at the end of her video, she makes a comment that gives us some insight behind how she feels about men. She is coming from a belief that most men mistreat women by not doing their fair share of work around the house.
Are there lazy husbands who mistreat their wives and don’t help around the house like they should? Of course there are. However, there are some women who are so upset by these men and they are so afraid of getting mistreated that they end up projecting their fears onto good men in weird ways.
I think this woman’s video is a great example of this. I’m assuming she’s talking about a hypothetical issue because she didn’t say she had to take a stand on this because her husband demands her to say thank you. So it seems like she is simply taking preventative measures and encouraging other women to not thank their husbands too much out of the fear that men will think they are doing something special for the woman rather than just taking care of mutual chores that need to be done. Again, I think the bigger issue here is that she is making this topic an issue at all. I don’t think this topic of thanking your husband for something, even if it’s something he should do be doing, is a topic a healthy woman even thinks about if she’s secure in her husband’s love for her.
In my opinion, if a woman has spent time thinking about what she is not going to thank you for, that is the real problem. That would probably be a sign she has deep fear and resentment issues towards men that are getting projected onto you.
So the tip here is that if a woman is putting a lot of time and energy into odd topics because she has a subconscious fear and resentment towards men devaluing her, that type of woman will wear you out. Whatever the issues is that is motivating her to think of all the times to not thank you – that deeper issue in her will wear you out.
Her emphasis and energy are in the wrong place. Rather than worrying about devaluing herself for thanking her husband for something she doesn’t need to thank him for, a healthy woman will be thinking of ways she can encourage her husband more, not less. And us men should be doing the same for her. As Romans 12:10 (NLT) says, “Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.”
Point 3: If She Needs to Assign All Labor and Create Legalistic Rules About Who Needs to Do What, That Will Wear You Out
I think the healthier a couple is and the more trust they have in each other, the less labels and defined assignments they use.
For clarity’s sake, sometimes it is needed to assign tasks and clearly assign ownership of certain jobs that need to get done around the house. But generally speaking, a healthy husband and wife will both just work hard and naturally focus on different things. A woman may vacuum more and the husband may mow the lawn more. But there doesn’t need to be a legal contract stating which chore belongs to the other. They won’t feel like the other person is misusing them because they are doing all this work that the other person is not doing. Rather, they will see that both of them are working hard but they are just naturally focusing on different things.
She seems to be dividing the work by “If these things still needed to be done if you had a full-time job that you got paid for,” you should not say thank you to your husband. This way of dividing the work is unrealistic and destructive. A stay and home mom and a working dad are a team who should prioritize different things.
Biblically, I believe it’s right to think more generally while focusing on an emphasis rather than legalistically assign specific jobs that men and women should and shouldn’t do. Naturally, a stay-at-home mom will have a greater emphasis on things relating to the inside of the house. And naturally, a father who is the sole provider will focus more on things outside the house. That doesn’t mean she never thinks about money and that doesn’t mean he will never lift a finger around the house. It’s just a matter of emphasis.
A woman who is hurt, threatened, or annoyed by this idea that men and women naturally end up focusing on different things because of how God made us – that type of woman will wear you out. God made men and women different on purpose because they are supposed to come together and form a more complete team (Genesis 1:27, Genesis 2:18, Genesis 2:24). When you need to create all these divisions of labor in your house, it creates a toxic environment.
Point 4: If She Needs to Bring Societal Issues Into Your Home, She Will Wear You Out
The last part of her video really explains the energy you feel throughout the video. It felt like she had an agenda, an ax to grind, that was motivating this odd conversation about why a woman shouldn’t thank her husband for certain things. And here she explains what is behind that energy.
She believes there is a societal issue for stay at homes where their husbands are devaluing them, expecting them to do more than is appropriate, and not doing their fair share around the house. Are there stay-at-home moms who have legitimately bad, demanding, selfish husbands? Yes. Are there also stay at home moms who are lazy, entitled, and don’t appreciate their hardworking husbands? Also yes. It’s unwise and unhealthy, however, for us as individuals to internalize a bunch of issues happening out in the world and bring that junk into our own relationships.
When a woman sees an issues and then needs to create her identity around it, this is when she will constantly find ways to accuse you of doing that issue. Look for a woman who knows that individuals are different than other individuals. If she likes to talk about “men” doing this and “women” doing that, it’s a red flag. It’s like when one person does something unlawful and then the government wants to punish all the citizens by creating an unnecessary law. These type of “solutions” create more problems than they solve.
A healthy woman will know how to retain her biblical femininity in a world that wants to harden her and make her hate men.
So what about this idea of not thanking your husband for chores that just need to get done by both of you? Jesus washed his disciples’ feet. He didn’t have to do that. But he knew that to express love, he was to do more than was required. And this was what he told us to do so we could be a witness to the world as well. After washing their feet, he said in John 13:34-35, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
Be the type of man who goes above what is required. And look for a woman who goes above what is required. If you won’t ever do anything that is not required of you, that creates a harsh and unloving environment.
Why was this wife so mad at her husband for blue toilet water? By reviewing this TikTok and applying Scriptures, we can see at lease 5 Traits of a Woman Who Will Be a Complainer If You Married Her.
