How will you really know if God approves of your desire for that certain person? After all, it’s easy to trick ourselves into thinking a desire is from God when in fact it’s just from our own minds.
There are many biblical solutions to this dilemma, and I’ve talked about them before. For example, you want to make sure the desire is biblical, that you sense the peace of the Holy Spirit, and that there is good fruit being produced that is evidence of the Spirit’s leading.
Today, however, I want to study Colossians 3:18-19 and apply the principles there about a godly husband and wife to the process of determining whether God is pleased with a single man and woman who want to be husband and wife one day. In points 1 and 2, we will discuss two qualities in a woman that mean God approves of a relationship. And in points 3 and 4, we will discuss two qualities in a man that mean God approves of a relationship.
Lastly, I wanted to quickly let you know that I just opened enrollment for AGW University. And I have a brand-new course that will really benefit you. While I already had courses for Christian singles who wanted to get into a godly relationship, I now also have a course for when you start dating someone. It’s called Purposeful Dating: A Course for Christian Couples.
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However, if there is just one course you are especially interested in, you can also enroll in it for 50% off, too. So everything is half off, site-wide, until April 20th! (At checkout, use code: 50%OFF)
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1. When a Woman Has the Qualities that Empower Her to Submit to a Godly Husband, God Approves
Colossians 3:18, “Wives, submit to your husbands . . .”
One reason people dislike what the Bible says about wives submitting to husbands is that they don’t really know what the word “submit” actually means.
The Greek word for “submit” used here is hypotassō. This word was widely used in Greek literature to describe the proper ordering within relationships and groups.1 The term comes from a military context that described a subordinate’s relationship to a superior.2 This verb refers to the willing submission of people in free positions within society, unlike the obedience expected of a child or a slave.1 This clarification prevents misreading the text as commanding absolute or unconditional compliance. Submission differs from obedience.1
Therefore, there are two easy errors to make that God does not approve of when it comes to female submission. First, God does not approve of a man and woman’s relationship if they think the woman is less important. As each person in the military plays different roles but all must function together to succeed, so too should a healthy relationship be a compromise between two equally valuable people who play different roles that complement one another.
Second, God does not approve of a relationship where there is a false belief that the man is called to rule over the woman. Nowhere in the New Testament does God ever call a man to make a woman submit. Rather, the call to female submission is always directed towards the women, which shows that they are completely free as individuals.
When both the woman and man understand and respect what the Bible actually says about a wife’s submission to her husband, that is a great sign that God approves of their desire for each other.
2. When a Woman Has the Spiritual Maturity to Know Her Submission Is Actually Her Loving Christ, God Approves
Colossians 3:18, “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.”
Why should a wife submit to her husband? How you answer that question will determine if God is pleased with your views on relationships. According to this verse, a wife’s submission is ultimately rooted in her submission to the Lord, not a man.
In other words, if a husband ever wanted a wife to do something that is not fitting in the Lord, she is obligated to submit to Christ first and not her husband.
Additionally, the phrase “as is fitting in the Lord” shows that a wife’s submission is rooted in God’s created order, not culture. When a husband and wife are walking in the new nature through the gospel and seeking to imitate the pre-fall relationship between spouses, this means the wife will seek to submit to her husband. Male domination and female manipulation are a result of sin (Genesis 3:16).
Lastly, the phrase “as is fitting in the Lord” shows that a woman’s submission is, in effect, her imitation of Christ. As the Son submits to the Father in the holy relationship within the Trinity, so too does the wife submit to her husband in the marriage. In other words, just as Christ is fully God while also playing a different role than the Father in their relationship with each other (Philippians 2:6-11), so too is a woman fully equal to the man in value while also playing a different role than him.
Thus, according to Colossians 3:18, God approves of a man and woman’s desire for each other when they both realize a wife’s submission is ultimately rooted in her obedience to Christ and love for him. She loves her husband, but submission to him is ultimately about her relationship with God first and foremost.
3. When a Man Has the Qualities that Empower Him to Sacrificially Lead a Godly Wife, God Approves
Colossians 3:18-19, “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives . . .”
All Christians are called to love others. So why does the Bible specifically call husbands to love their wives while it routinely tells wives to respect or submit to their husbands? Shouldn’t a wife love her husband too?
Yes! Of course! But when the Bible is talking to husbands and wives, all the other commands and principles that apply to all Christians still apply to them. Thus, it would be redundant to tell spouses to treat each other like Christians should treat people. So when the Bible speaks to husbands and wives, it goes beyond standard relationship ethics and highlights what is meant to be unique in marriage.
Thus, what is unique in marriage is that one man and one woman are choosing to treat each other in a special way that no one else will get the privilege of experiencing from them. We’ve already addressed that a wife loves through submission and respect. A husband, however, is called to love through leadership (Ephesians 5:23).
In Christianity, leadership isn’t a privilege for the elites, like it is for the world. Rather, leadership in God’s economy requires sacrifice (Mark 10:42-45). Thus, when applied to a man and woman pleasing God in a relationship, God approves when they both understand and embrace the call for male sacrificial leadership.
4. When a Man Has the Spiritual Maturity that Empowers Him to Be Gentle Out of His Love for Christ, God Approves
Colossians 3:18-19, “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.”
At some point, a disagreement will arise between the husband and wife. And maybe the husband is right and the wife is wrong. Maybe she’s not acting right and is even rude to the man. It’s at this point a man has a choice. He can either use his God-given authority and strength to blast his wife and rule over her. Or he can use his strength to continue to shield and protect her.
The point is, no matter what is going on between a husband and wife, God calls a man to always use his strength for good. But the only way a man can do this is when he knows it’s all for God. A woman is imperfect. If a man needs her to act right in order to treat her kindly, he will eventually become a harsh, unloving husband.
But when a man puts Christ first, this empowers him to be gentle with his wife. Gentleness is strength under control. As 1 Peter 3:7 says, “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” Notice how Peter highlights that his connection with God is the ultimate reason for why a man should be gentle with his wife.
And as I mentioned at the beginning of this article, everything at AGW University is currently 50% off until April 20th.
And by enrolling in The Total Access bundle, you will receive all the content on AGW University for life, including my newest course for couples called Purposeful Dating.
So even if you’re not in a relationship right now, this course will be there for you once you do start dating someone. And all my other courses will help you meet the right person and prepare for your future marriage, if that’s God’s will for you. (At checkout, use code: 50%OFF)
