Letting go may hurt, but holding on to someone God is trying to remove will hurt even more.
Whether it’s a friend, romantic interest, mentor, or even a family member, the thought of releasing someone can feel unnatural and even wrong. But there are times when God makes it clear: “You don’t need that person in your life anymore.”
This isn’t about cutting people off in pride or bitterness. It’s about discerning when a relationship has run its course, or worse, is holding you back from God’s best.
Here are four biblical signs that God may be saying it’s time to let them go.
1. When this Person’s Presence Is Contaminating Your Peace in Christ, God May Be Saying, “You Don’t Need that Person in Your Life Anymore”
Isaiah 26:3, “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.”
It can be confusing when someone used to benefit your walk with the Lord, but then the opposite starts to happen. The sad reality is, people change. It’s very possible God did want you to have someone in your life for a season of time because they were adding to your peace and you were adding to their peace. But if someone starts living in sin and doesn’t want your help to change, eventually they will rob you of your peace if you let them remain in your life.
You can’t keep someone in your life just because your past with them was so positive. While we must not be quick to cut people off just because they are going through a rough patch (Galatians 6:2), we also have to be careful our loyalty doesn’t become our own undoing (1 Corinthians 15:33). People make choices, and if someone is choosing to act differently than they did in the past, you have to respond to that new variable in a wise way.
In love, confront their change and let them know your concerns. But if you’ve already done that and they continue to rob your peace by sabotaging your walk with Jesus, you have to accept they don’t belong in your life anymore.
Imagine you’re on a boat with both an anchor and a sail. The sail catches the wind of God’s Spirit and moves you forward, but the anchor drags along the bottom, holding you back. Some relationships are like anchors—no matter how much you try to move forward with God, you keep getting pulled backward. When that happens, God may be saying, “It’s time to cut the rope.”
2. When the Relationship Is Built More on Obligation than Love, God May Be Saying, “You Don’t Need that Person in Your Life Anymore”
Galatians 1:10, “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Some relationships stay alive not because of genuine love, mutual growth, or shared faith but because of guilt, fear, or people-pleasing. While we should sometimes force ourselves to serve people we don’t want to serve, this is not a sustainable situation for an extended period of time. Eventually, if you keep living from duty, your well of love will run dry. We have to serve out of our overflow, not our reserves.
Think of your emotional and spiritual life like a bucket. A healthy relationship fills the bucket or at least holds the water steady. But an unhealthy one is like a leak—it keeps draining you, no matter how much you pour in. Eventually, you realize that no matter how much effort you give, it’s never enough. That’s often when God says, “Let me be your peace. You don’t need to carry this person anymore.”
3. When This Person Has Made It Clear that They Don’t Need You in Their Life Anymore, that Is Also a Sign God Is Saying, “You Don’t Need that Person in Your Life Anymore”
Ecclesiastes 3:1, 6b, “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven… a time to keep, and a time to cast away.”
We need to be needed. A relationship is at its best when two people are vulnerable enough to let themselves need each other. When someone refuses to open up and depend on you, it’s not healthy to continuously keep choosing to need them.
Not every relationship is meant to last forever. Some people are meant to walk with you for only a season. They served a purpose in your life—and maybe you in theirs—but that time has come to an end. Holding on too long to a seasonal person can turn a blessing into a burden.
One way you will know it’s time to let them go is when this person is choosing to let you go. Are you the only one calling? The only one showing up? The only one who seems to care anymore? If so, God may be telling you it’s time to let it end.
Relationships often change when seasons of life change. It’s like graduating from school. When you leave that school, it doesn’t mean you no longer love your past classmates or teachers. It just means your time there is complete. Some people are going to be like that in your life; they helped you grow in that phase of life, but that class is over. Staying behind might feel comfortable, but it stunts your growth. When God graduates you to a new level, you have to let some relationships stay in the past.
4. If You Know You’re in a Season of Pruning, God Will Say, “You Don’t Need that Person in Your Life Anymore.
John 15:2, “Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.”
It can feel cruel to let someone go—especially when you’ve shared deep moments, laughter, and even faith. But pruning isn’t cruelty; it’s care. Trust that if he asks you to release someone, he’s doing it for your growth, your freedom, and his glory.
Letting go of someone you care about is never easy—especially when that person has been a big part of your life. So ask him for discernment. Ask him for courage. And ask him to help you love people without clinging to them to your own destruction.
God knows who belongs in your future. Trust him. He will guide you in the moment.
And if you’re a Christian single woman who wants to be pursued by a godly man, my new book is for you! It’s called Invite Him: 16 Rules from Ruth to Help Your Future Husband Find You.
