Yes, a godly man should look for his future wife and pursue her. However, she should help the man find her and pursue her (Genesis 2:18). All relationships are a two-way street. If you are not helping your future husband find you, you may never be found.
Therefore, here are 4 biblical ways a godly woman can be used by God to draw her future husband to her.
1. Try to Arouse the Right Desires in Him and Avoid Trying to Arouse the Wrong Desires in Him
A man should initiate, be proactive, and lead in the relationship. However, none of these principles about a man mean a woman should be inactive. While a man should pursue the woman, a woman should be proactive by doing things that arouse the man to pursue.
If you want him to pursue you, you have to give him a reason to pursue you. Why should he have a telepathic ability to know he should pursue you if you aren’t doing anything to help him know he should pursue you? You can’t read his mind. Why should he be able to read your mind?
One of the best ways to help him pursue you is by arousing the right desires in him. In other words, Christian men, like all Christians, have the new nature and the old nature in their bodies (Romans 7:18-20). In the new nature, he will want to pursue a godly woman that he can provide for and protect (Ephesians 5:29). He will be looking for a godly woman who can be his partner (1 Peter 3:7). And he will want to be with a woman who can be a godly mother to his future children (1 Timothy 2:15).
In his flesh, however, he will want to have premarital sex with a woman, live for the moment, and enjoy worldly pleasures with her. A godly man will be resisting these fleshly desires that still live in his body. One way he will fight the flesh is by avoiding triggers and temptations. If you dress in an overly sexualized way or you flirt with him in a way that is intentionally trying to arouse his flesh, a godly man will try to avoid you (1 Corinthians 6:18, Proverbs 5:8).
If, however, you show him that you are ready to be a godly wife by exhibiting the biblical modesty and maturity that God’s daughters should exhibit (1 Peter 3:1-6), your feminine beauty will naturally arouse his masculine strength to pursue you.
In short, the best way to draw your future husband to you is to develop into the type of woman he is looking for. Just as you will only want to be with a man who has the biblical qualities you want in a man, so too will he only want to be with a woman who has the right female biblical qualities.
God made your feminine beauty to have the power to arouse his masculine strength (Proverbs 30:18-19). When you appeal to the right desires in him, he will be drawn to you (1 Corinthians 7:36).
2. Show Him that You Like Him
Many Christian woman do everything in their power to conceal their desire for the man they are interested in. They desperately want him to pursue, but the man would never know this because she does everything in her power to treat him exactly the same as every other guy in her life.
Worse yet, in an effort to hide their feelings, some women even treat the guy they like worse than other guys. They talk to the guys they don’t have romantic feelings for but ignore the guys they do have feelings for. This is a mistake.
If you like a guy, you should allow your feelings to be visible to him in subtle ways that inspire him to pursue you. If you are giving him the cold shoulder or treating him like a friend, why would he think he has a chance with you?
Remember, the guy is the one who pursues; thus the guy is the one who has to risk rejection in a more open and direct way. Yes, if you send subtle signs that you like him and he doesn’t reciprocate, you will feel rejected a bit. But imagine how a man feels when he pursues a woman openly and she directly rejects him.
Men do need to take this risk. They need to face their fear of rejection and just pursue the woman they like. But as a woman, you should also help him pursue you by allowing your feelings for him to be shown.
Talk to him more, show him more attention, sit by him in group settings, ask him if he’s going to certain events, and show him that you are happy to see him when you two cross paths. He is much more likely to pursue you if he senses you may like him (Ruth 3:10-13).
3. Help Him Feel Like a Man By Allowing Him to Benefit You and Make You Happy
One of the primary motives a man has when pursuing a woman is that he wants to feel like a strong man. Strong men pursue women. Thus, to be a strong man, he knows he must pursue a woman one day.
As a godly woman, you want to avoid anything that would disrespect him and thus make him feel like you don’t see him as a strong man (Ephesians 5:33). It’s okay to joke around. I’m not saying you need to bow down and idolize him. I’m just encouraging you to be encouraging towards his masculinity rather than negative or challenging.
If he opens the door for you, offers his assistance to help you with something, or gives his advice about something, but you give off the vibe of, “Um, I’m a modern woman who can take care of herself thank you very much”, he will not like you.
He wants to be needed. In fact, a man needs to be needed. If he doesn’t feel like you have any room in your life for a masculine man, a masculine man won’t try to come into your life. The more you can make him feel like a strong man, the more he will be drawn to you.
4. Spend Time in Places Where He Can Find You
Isaac (via his servant, Genesis 24:20), Jacob (Genesis 29:10), and Moses (Exodus 2:19) all met their wives by a well. And while Jesus didn’t have any romantic interest in the Samaritan woman, he did meet her and talk with her by the well (John 4:7). In all these instances, these men used a well as a bridge to communicate with these women.
Likewise, in a symbolic way, you have to spend time in places where you are visible to the godly men who could pursue you. Give them bridges to use to talk to you. Being a godly woman at home is important. But how will a godly man find you if you are hiding yourself all the time? You have to be a godly woman in public if you want a godly man to be drawn to you.
Remember, Ruth would never have met Boaz if she didn’t first leave godless Moab and travel to God’s land in Bethlehem (Ruth 1:22). Symbolically, you have to do the same thing.
If you hope for a good man to notice you, get to know you, and pursue you, avoid godless places where godly men don’t go and spend your time in places where godly men do go.
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