4 Things God Never Wants a Woman to Do for a Man

If you want God to bless your relationship with a man, there are certain things you must never do for that man. You may want to do some of these things for him because it could feel like an act of love, but in reality, by not doing certain things for a man, you are loving him even better.

Therefore, here are four things God never wants a woman to do for a man.

1. God Never Wants a Woman to Remove the Need for a Man to Sacrifice for Her

If you really like a guy and you want him to pursue, you might think you should remove every obstacle that might hinder him from pursuing you. That would be a big mistake. Why? Because without sacrifice, it would be impossible for this man to ever love you.

Not only will you need him to sacrifice for you so you can see if he is expressing love towards you, but he also needs to sacrifice for you for his own heart too. Not only are you gauging if he can love you, but he is also gauging if he can love you. The only true way to know if someone can actually love another person is by being presented with the choice to sacrifice for that person.

Ephesians 5:25 states, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her . . .” While a man who’s not your husband will not be sacrificing for you to the same level as a husband should be sacrificing, you and this man will be gauging if he could sacrifice for you like that in marriage one day if you both grew to that level. So to get that level, a man needs the opportunities to choose to sacrifice for a woman to see if he actually loves her and wants to keep sacrificing for her all his life.

Of course, you should be sacrificing for him too. Of course, you don’t want to play games and make it harder for him than it needs to be just to test him. But you also can’t make it so easy for him that you are doing all the heavy lifting in the relationship.

Let him sacrifice for you. It’s needed for both of your hearts.

2. God Never Wants a Woman to Remove the Man’s Responsibility for Pursuing Her

If a woman wants a man to pursue her, she must be inviting. What does that mean? It means that she is not afraid to show her positive feelings toward him so that he knows he actually has a chance with her if he were to pursue her. It means she responds positively whenever he pursues so he knows she wants him to keep pursuing. It means she shines her feminine beauty towards him so that he is inspired to pursue her.

However, inviting is very different than pursuing. If a woman wants a man to pursue her, she must never pursue him. As soon as a woman pursues a man, she removes all possibility of being pursued by that man. They still may end up together, but the relationship will be dysfunctional. It will become a dissatisfying relationship where the woman wishes the man weren’t so passive, and the man will wish he weren’t so passive either. They will either always be unhappy or they will need to go through a serious season of repentance to align the relationship roles rightly.

But normally, if a woman pursues a man, the man will just back away. He wants to feel like a strong man, and when a woman tries to pursue him, that removes his opportunity to do the thing all strong men do when they like a woman, which is pursue her.

So how can you know if you are pursuing or inviting? It’s really a matter of emphasis. There’s not a single action a woman could make that would mean she is the pursuer. Rather, it’s more about the repeated actions she is taking. I think a woman could even ask a man on a date and not be the main pursuer. I don’t recommend that she do this. I’m just trying to prove the point that pursuing and inviting are not about a single event but more so about the consistent interplay between the man and the woman. If a woman mainly asked the man out on dates, then she would be pursuing.

As we know from Ephesians 5:22-33, the husband represents Christ and the woman represents the church. Just as Jesus is the one who knocks on the door (i.e., initiates) and the church is the one who opens the door (i.e., responds) (Revelation 3:20), so too should the man be pursuing and the woman should be responding.

This doesn’t mean she will never initiate and the man will never respond. But generally speaking, the man should be doing a lot more initiating and the woman should be doing a lot more responding.

3. God Never Wants a Woman to Lead a Man Spiritually

Many times, a woman’s compassion for a man who’s struggling spiritually tempts her into leading him. While her heart might be in the right place, she must never do this. While she can encourage the man and share what the Lord is teaching her, she must be careful she doesn’t become a spiritual authority figure in the man’s life.

Not only is this forbidden in Scripture (1 Timothy 2:12), but it also violates the romantic principles all Christian men and Christian women want in a relationship. For a Christian couple to thrive together in marriage, the man does not need to be more spiritually mature than the woman or more articulate about spiritual truths. But the man does need to be leading spiritually. Again, this is really a matter of emphasis and consistent behavior rather than about a woman doing a specific action now and then.

If a woman has to drag a man to church, beg him to lead in prayer, and nag him to read the Bible, this man is showing he’s not fit to lead her. By leading him, she will get into a relationship she later regrets.

And even if a man is capable of leading, but the woman asserts herself too much, she will rob them both of the beautiful spiritual rhythm God intends for a man and woman to have together as they seek the Lord. He leads, she follows, and both are equally important in bearing the image of God and accomplishing his purpose for them as a couple (Ephesians 5:33).

4. God Never Wants a Woman to Put a Man Above Christ

The fastest way to push a godly man away from you would be to elevate that man above your relationship with Jesus. And the fastest way to remove an ungodly man from your life is by putting Christ above him.

Thus, if a woman wants to thrive in a Christian relationship with a man, she must never put that man above Jesus. Delight in God first and foremost and everything else will fall into place (Psalm 37:4).

And if you’re a Christian single woman who wants to be pursued by a godly man, my newest book is for you. It’s called Invite Him: 16 Rules from Ruth to Help Your Future Husband Find You. I’ve been getting a lot of positive feedback from the women who have read this book, so I believe it will really help you if you find yourself in this specific season of life of wanting to be pursued into marriage one day.

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