4 Things You Must Do to Find the Woman Who Will Actually Love You

Proverbs 18:22

Is she using you as a status symbol? Is she into you just because there’s no one else right now? Does she just want your money? Is she actually a Christian or just a pretender?

Every Christian man who desires marriage eventually faces the same hard question: How do I find a godly woman who will actually love me?

Finding a woman who actually loves Jesus and who will actually love you is less about searching harder and more about becoming the man God designed you to be. According to Scripture, every important journey starts with the heart (Proverbs 4:23).

Therefore, here are four biblical principles to help you find a Christian woman who will actually love you.

1. Wait and Don’t Compromise Just Because You’re Lonely

“It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.” – Lamentations 3:26

Loneliness can be loud. It whispers lies like, “You’re running out of time,” or, “Someone is better than no one.” But giving your heart to someone just to soothe your loneliness is like drinking salt water when you’re thirsty—it feels good for a moment, but only makes things worse.

Compromise never leads to a Christ-centered connection. If a woman pulls you away from prayer, purity, or purpose, she’s not walking the same path. Don’t confuse chemistry with God’s calling.

Like building a house, the foundation matters most (Matthew 7:24). You wouldn’t build a home on swampy ground just because you’re in a hurry to move in. In the same way, don’t build a relationship on emotional quicksand. Wait on the Lord, even when it’s uncomfortable.

2. Stop Watching Porn

“But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” – Matthew 5:28

Porn is spiritual poison. It rewires your brain to desire fantasy over reality and trains your heart to consume instead of cherish. No matter how you justify it, you can’t look at women lustfully in private and love one sacrificially in public.

A Christian woman who actually loves you is looking for a man who knows how to guard his eyes, his mind, and his soul. You can’t attract a godly woman through your genuine character and watch porn. You can trick a woman into thinking your someone you’re not. But if you do that, you will always know she doesn’t actually love you because you will know she doesn’t even know the real you.

For you to be truly loved by a woman, you have to let her know the real you. And if you’re full of shame because of your secret porn addiction, you will never let yourself be known by a woman.

Lust is like a virus corrupting your hard drive. Lust doesn’t just affect one part of you—it slows down everything. You may not see the damage right away, but your emotional and spiritual processing becomes clouded. Clean the system. Seek accountability. Start fresh. A pure heart sees clearly, and that’s how you’ll recognize real love when it arrives.

Psalm 51:10, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.”

3. Become So Focused on Being a Godly Man, You Draw the Right Woman to You Without Even Looking

“Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” – Matthew 6:33

When your goal is to be a man who fears God, serves others, and leads with humility, you become the kind of man a godly woman is praying for.

You don’t need to chase every possibility. Just walk the narrow road with your eyes on Jesus and you’ll eventually meet someone walking that same road in your direction.

You’re meant to be a lighthouse, not a searchlight. A searchlight scans desperately, hoping to find something. A lighthouse stands firm, shining its light with purpose. As you focus on who you’re becoming in Christ, you shine a light that naturally draws the right kind of woman.

4. Live Your Life to the Fullest

“I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” – John 10:10

Don’t believe the lie that your real purpose only starts when you meet “her.” Live fully now. Travel, serve, build, create, lead, and grow into the man God designed you to be. Real love isn’t born out of desperation. It’s born out of overflow.

A Christian woman who actually loves you will be drawn to a man whose life is already rich with meaning, mission, and joy. She won’t be your source of fulfillment, but she can join you in it.

You don’t find a godly woman by playing games, compromising your values, or chasing every opportunity. You find her by walking faithfully with God, living fully with purpose, and protecting your heart from sin.

The kind of woman who will actually love you isn’t looking for perfection. She’s looking for direction. So walk toward Christ and trust that the right woman will join you on the journey.