When you see another engagement announcement on social media, how does it make you feel? What should you do when another friend asks you to be in their wedding but inside you are grieving that you are still single? How should you respond when many of your friends are beginning to have babies while you have not even gotten married yet?
Certainly not all Christian singles struggle with instances like this. Some people are very content in their season of singleness and that is wonderful for them. But many Christian singles feel guilty about this sadness when they see others getting married. It is very common for people who really want to be married to feel sad, jealous, and all kinds of other emotions as well.
So here are 4 ways Christian singles can deal with the pain they feel when their friends are getting married but they are still single.
- Don’t Feel Bad for Wanting to Be Married
One topic I talk a lot about in my course called Heart Check is the difference between being discontent with singleness compared to being discontent with God “in” singleness. There is a major difference here. Contrary to what many people have been taught, the Bible does not say Christians must be happy with everything in their external life.
Throughout the Scriptures God instructs people to pray for physical healing (James 5:14), to seek freedom from slavery (1 Corinthians 7:21), and to have our daily practical needs met (Matthew 6:11). So the Bible does not say it is wrong to be discontent with certain areas of your life. However, the Bible does say that we must never let our discontentment with earthly things affect our contentment in God.
As long as your unhappiness with singleness does not affect your joy in the Lord, then there is no problem. God does not ask you to deny your desires. Rather, he does ask you to make him your ultimate desire no matter what you do or don’t have in God.
So when it comes to singleness for those who want to be married, you don’t need to feel guilty for wanting to be married. There is nothing wrong with this desire. You don’t have to be happy “with” singleness but you must still find joy and contentment “in” your season of singleness because you are relying on God for your joy first and foremost.
(And as a quick side note, the deadline to enroll in AGW University is just 1 day away. So if you are someone who wants 3 in-depth relationship training courses, access to a private Facebook group with other AGW students, and 3 months of email coaching with me, click here for more information on AGW University before the deadlines to enroll passes bye.)
- Choose to Be Honest About Your Own Circumstances While Still Being Happy for Others
With point 1 in mind, the next step to take when you feel pain in your heart as you see your friends getting married is to accept your desire for marriage while also celebrating with your friend. Humans have the ability to hold multiple emotions at the same time.
You can be happy for your friend even though their marriage reminds you of your lack of marriage which saddens you. Choose to live in both places at the same time. Celebrate with them and grieve for yourself if you need to.
The other helpful step to take is to truly reflect on why their marriage news is affecting you like that. If it is a jealous sin or envy issue, then repent and seek the power of Christ to strengthen you. But many times this is not the case. Many times people might think their sadness is jealousy or envy but in reality their feelings of sadness are just being triggered because this marriage announcement is a reminder to them of their unwanted singleness.
If this is the case, remind yourself of this truth so you don’t feel needlessly guilty about feeling jealous or envious when in reality you don’t feel these ways and you are not struggling with these sins. Many times you are just naturally responding to being reminded of your unmet desire. It’s really important not to beat yourself up if that is the case.
Certainly repent of sinful jealousy if that is happening in your heart, but don’t own sins that you are not committing. Seek the Lord so you can identify where this emotion is coming from.
- Choose to See Their Marriage as a Reason to Hope Rather Than to Despair
When someone else has something you want, you don’t need to respond with jealousy or envy. Rather, you can see their fulfilled longing as a reason to keep hope alive that your longing can be fulfilled one day too.
When you see God bring two people together, you don’t have to say, “See, this will never happen for me.” Rather, you can say, “God did it for them, and I know he can do it for me too.” Their celebration can be a reminder of God’s faithfulness rather than a source of pain.
And most importantly of all, we must remember what all marriages are truly supposed to represent: Christ and the church. According to Ephesians 5:22-33, marriage is a representation of how much God loves his people. If you are a Christian, you can look at your friend’s new marriage and be reminded of how much God loves you just like this husband and wife love each other.
All Christian marriages should ultimately remind us of God’s love for the church and the church’s opportunity to follow Christ.
- Bring Your Feelings and Concerns to the Lord
Pain will always shape us and change us. How it changes us is up to us. We can let pain push us away from God or we can use pain to push us towards God’s presence even more.
When you see another engagement picture on social media and your heart begins to ache, see this as God’s invitation to you to draw you nearer to himself. Wounds to the heart can be openings for the love of God to come it.
Never waste your pain. Allow God to use it for his glory and to strengthen rather than weaken your connection with Christ. For as 1 Peter 5:6-7 states, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
Never forget how much God loves you.
If you are a Christian single person who wants to take advantage of your season of singleness so you can prepare well for your future marriage, then you might really be interested AGW University. I was recently reading an email from one of my students I am coaching and with her permission I wanted to share a part of it. She said
I feel so blessed by you and the training and instruction that I wouldn’t have otherwise received had I said,”No, not right now God” . . . . I am really going through a serious season of spiritual change and growth right now and I’m so grateful that God loves me enough to rebuke, correct and mold me in His love.” – Nafisah
If you want to go through the same relationship training as my other students, click here so you can learn more about the unique courses I have personally designed just for Christian singles who want to prepare for their future marriage. The deadline to enroll with all the bonuses is just 1 day away.