Here are 5 biblical rules you can follow if you want to emotionally detach from someone.
Rule 1: Accept that the Bible Is Telling You to Emotionally Detach from This Person
Christians will have mixed feelings about this idea of “emotionally detaching.” Some will say, “God is love. We are called to love all people. He will never call you to emotionally detach from someone.” Others will say, “Yes! If someone doesn’t treat you right, get rid of them. God tells us to guard our hearts!”
The truth is, as Christians, there will be times where we will need to completely remove someone from our life and emotionally detach (2 Corinthians 6:14-18, James 4:4, 1 John 2:15-17) while there will be other times where we need to reconcile and stay emotionally present (Matthew 18:15-20, Galatians 6:1, Proverbs 18:24).
So the first thing you must do if you want to emotionally detach from someone is to make sure this would be biblical for the given relationship situation. This is a very big topic and the differing relationship situations are too much to dive into right now.
But by asking God for wisdom and prayerfully submitting to God’s word (James 1:5), the Holy Spirit will guide you. When it’s time to truly let someone go and emotionally detach from them, you will know it (1 Corinthians 15:33, Proverbs 13:20, Proverbs 14:7, Proverbs 4:23).
Rule 2: Tie Up the Loose Ends Through Confession and Forgiveness
This point isn’t going to relate to everyone. Sometimes there’s nothing to confess and forgive, or you’ve already taken these steps. However, sometimes we can’t let someone go in our mind and heart because we feel guilty for how we treated them or we are still holding onto the pain they caused us.
When we have done something wrong against someone else, Jesus tells us to ask for forgiveness as quickly as possible, otherwise bondage could occur (Matthew 5:23-25). Not only that, he says that to be right with God, we must also forgive others their sins against us (Matthew 6:14-16).
If you don’t take these steps when sin has occurred, it will be very hard to emotionally detach.
Rule 3: Set Firm Boundaries and Create Distance Between You and This Person
There is a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. We must always forgive as Christians. However, sometimes it would be unbiblical to reconcile a relationship that God wants us to end.
For example, if this person was a sexual temptation to you and they have no interest in following Jesus like you want to do, God wants you to let them go (1 Corinthians 6:18). Or if someone is attaching your Christian faith with false doctrine and they have no interest learning the truth, you should distance yourself from them (Romans 16:17).
We should love the lost. However, we must put Christ first (Galatians 6:1). If this person is hurting your walk with Jesus, you must detach.
Thus, you have to set firm boundaries with someone so that you can create the needed distance. If someone calls you, you don’t have to pick up. You don’t have to be their emotional support system. You don’t have to allow them to manipulate your compassion. You’re not being mean. You have to put Jesus first. God can take care of them. You can’t.
The less you see them and interact with them, the easier it will be to move on emotionally. Proverbs 14:7, “Leave the presence of a fool, for there you do not meet words of knowledge.”
Rule 4: Replace What You’re Losing By Giving This Person Up
If you know you need to subtract something from your life, always remember to also add something too. This is one of the reasons so many people struggle to really move on emotionally from someone.
In Matthew 12:43-45, Jesus tells us that when a spirit leaves someone, that spirit will come back to fill that person again if that person remains empty. However, if that person would have allowed the Holy Spirit to fill them, that past spirit would not have been able to come in again (2 Corinthians 3:17).
In a similar way, one reason many people struggle to emotionally detach from someone is because they are just trying to subtract this person. But what need were you trying to use that person to fill? What emptiness remains? You have to get your needs met in biblical ways if you want to let unbiblical relationships go.
Romans 12:21, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
Rule 5: Spend a Lot of Time with God
Ultimately, we must always spend massive amounts of time feeding on the presence of God. Without him, we will always be searching in the wrong places for the love our hearts crave.
Always go to the Lord, but during times of emotionally suffering, the only solution is his presence (Psalm 34:18). And I don’t mean you just ask God to help you emotionally attach, although you should ask that (Matthew 7:7). Rather, I’m saying you need to reacquaint your heart with the love of your Savior.
As 2 Corinthians 3:17-18 states, “Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.”
Related Article: Emotionally Detaching Is Easy with This One Biblical Principle
