Not only does a godly woman need to know what signs to look for so she can meet and marry the man God has for her, but she also needs to be aware of false signs that can mislead her.
Therefore, here are five false signs that do not mean a man is “The One” for you
1. Persistent Pursuit Is Not a Sign a Man Is “The One” for You
When you meet the man God has for you, this man will consistently pursue you. However, just because a man is consistently pursuing you is not a sign he is the one for you.
Sometimes a woman thinks a man is the one because he is pursuing her harder than any man ever has. This can be especially appealing when she is the type of woman who needs a man to be very confident in his love for her. If you’ve been wounded before or received mixed signals from men, it can be a great feeling when a guy is chasing you hard.
What a woman needs to understand, however, is that sometimes a man refuses to give up not because he values you, but because his lust or ego is driving him forward. Lust and ego are focused on getting; love is focused on honoring.
A man who truly loves a woman listens carefully to what she says. While he may be a bit persistent even when the woman seems to be pushing him away, eventually a good man listens to a woman and lets her go if that is what she’s saying she wants. Really, only unhealthy men ignore what you repeatedly say.
1 Corinthians 13:5 says love “does not insist on its own way.” A godly man is sensitive to a woman’s words because he wants to protect her, not overpower her.
By contrast, a man motivated by lust often keeps pushing no matter how clearly you step back. The harder you run, the harder he chases. This type of pursuit can feel flattering at first, especially if you want reassurance that a man is serious. But persistence without respect is not biblical love.
2. Passionate Pursuit Is Not a Sign a Man Is “The One” for You
Strong emotion can be incredibly convincing. Passion, chemistry, and excitement can feel like proof that something is “meant to be.” But passion alone is not confirmation from God. Proverbs 19:2 warns, “Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way.”
Passion without wisdom is like a wildfire—bright, fast, and destructive if it’s not contained. Godly love is more like a slow-burning fire in a hearth: steady, controlled, and life-giving. A man may pursue you passionately because emotions are high, not because his character is mature or his intentions are pure.
Biblical love grows over time and is marked by self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). If passion consistently runs ahead of commitment and obedience to God, that imbalance is a red flag. Emotional intensity does not equal spiritual readiness. The man God sends will not just stir your feelings; he will also bring stability, wisdom, and consistency into your life. He will pursue you in a passionate and holy way (Ruth 3:10-13).
3. Following Religious Rules in His Pursuit Is Not a Sign a Man Is “The One” for You
When a woman has only ever been pursued by worldly men, sometimes she becomes convinced a man is the one for her simply because he is following religious rules in his pursuit.
Quoting Scripture, attending church, or following Christian courting “rules” does not automatically mean he really loves the Lord. And even if he does really love the Lord and is pursuing you in a biblical way, this doesn’t automatically mean God has chosen this man for you. Sometimes a good man will pursue you, but God will make it clear that he’s not the right man for you.
Jesus warned that outward behavior can hide inward emptiness: “This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me” (Matthew 15:8). Some men learn the language of Christianity without living the life of obedience. They know what Christian women want to hear, so they speak it fluently. But God never calls us to judge by words alone. Jesus said, “You will recognize them by their fruits” (Matthew 7:16).
4. If He Is the Only One Pursuing, This Is Not a Sign He Is “The One” for You
When a woman really wants to be married, it can be very tempting to assume the first guy who shows her real interest must be the man God wants her to marry. But just because a man is the only option is not a sign that he is the one for you.
This really comes back to “settling.” Oftentimes, a woman ends up marrying a guy whom she later regrets choosing because, in her singleness, she allowed herself to get so desperate that she believed the lie, “Anyone is better than no one.” As many married people will tell you who are in loveless relationships, the only thing lonelier than being alone is feeling alone even when you are right next to your spouse.
Just because a guy is pursuing you and no one else is does not mean he’s the one for you. Lamentations 3:25-26, “The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.”
5. Just Because You Want Him to Pursue Does Not Mean He’s “The One” for You
One of the most subtle false signs has nothing to do with the man—it has to do with your heart. Wanting a man to pursue you can quietly distort discernment. Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is deceitful above all things.”
Desire can turn persistence into “proof,” passion into “confirmation,” and religious language into “calling.” When you want something badly enough, it becomes easy to interpret everything in a favorable light. But God never asks us to suspend wisdom in order to receive his will.
Trusting God means allowing truth to correct feelings. Proverbs 3:5 calls us to trust the Lord rather than our own understanding. The man God has for you will not require you to ignore red flags, silence the Holy Spirit, or constantly convince yourself that something is right that, deep down, feels wrong. God’s will does not depend on emotional pressure; it stands firm under honest examination.
When a man is sent by God, his pursuit will respect your boundaries, strengthen your faith, and move with clarity rather than chaos. Discernment is not about rejecting love; it’s about protecting your heart until love arrives in the way God designed.
