1 Corinthians 13:1-3
Here are 5 reasons desirable Christian women don’t notice some guys and don’t give them a chance.
1. You Are Invisible to Desirable Women If You Don’t Go to Places Where Desirable Christian Women Go
Most men who feel invisible to desirable Christian women say something defensive like, “What desirable Christian women? There are none. They don’t see me because they don’t exist.”
This is just false. Yes, true Christians are rare these days. And this is true for both men and women. But they do still exist because we know God always preserves a remnant of his true Church. As Romans 11:2-5 states:
Do you not know what the Scripture says of Elijah, how he appeals to God against Israel? ‘Lord, they have killed your prophets, they have demolished your altars, and I alone am left, and they seek my life.’ But what is God’s reply to him? ‘I have kept for myself seven thousand men who have not bowed the knee to Baal.’ So too at the present time there is a remnant, chosen by grace.”
The real reason you feel like there are no desirable Christian women left is because you are not going to the places where desirable Christian women go. Are you a member of a local church, actively involved in serving your community, going on mission trips, attending weekly Bible studies, fellowshipping with other Christian friends?
If you’re just scrolling online to find a desirable Christian woman, you will often become jaded.
2. You Will Be Invisible to Desirable Christian Women If You Never Risk Rejection
As NF writes in his song, Remember This:
I heard that life’s too short, don’t let it pass you by
We waste a lot of time crying over wasted time
It’s not about what people think, it’s how you feel inside
My biggest failures in life are knowing I never tried . . .Think your own thoughts, don’t let them do it for you
Say you want a drink for you, don’t wait for people to pour it on you
Cut out the lies, stay close to the people you know are loyal
Grab your own glass and fill it, don’t let your fear destroy you.
Men who are willing to risk are the men who eventually end up reaping the rewards. Of course you don’t want to make stupid risks. But if you never risk anything, you are not living wisely. Why? Because you are always going to suffer somehow, you are just picking a different form of suffering. You can pick to suffer alone with regrets because you never tried to pursue a good woman. Or you can suffer and get rejected. If you choose the latter, your efforts and willingness to get rejected usually results in success eventually.
It’s better to feel the pain of rejection rather than the pain of regret because when you are willing to risk rejection it means you are open to love. Regret comes when you don’t even try to love. At least when you love, you also experience a lot more joy that comes along with the suffering compared to when you are selfish and you are just going to suffer alone with no joy.
As Paul said about love, if you don’t have it, you have nothing (1 Corinthians 13:1-3). Of course he was talking about love for God and love for people in general. But nonetheless, if you want to be married but you are so afraid of rejection that you are unwilling to risk anything to love a woman, this will result in a lonely life.
At least if you try and get rejected you can be at peace and know you tried.
3. If You Are Idolizing Emotional Safety, Good Women Will Never Notice You
As C.S. Lewis wrote:
There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”
If you obsessed with personal safety, afraid of rejection, afraid of loving a woman who hurts you, afraid of trying and failing, then this fear will cause you hide yourself. Perhaps desirable women don’t notice you because deep down you don’t want them to notice you. Perhaps you are afraid of getting hurt so you are afraid of being seen in the first place.
A self-serving and safe life is a loveless life (John 15:13). And loveless life is a meaningless life (1 Corinthians 13:1-3).
4. Men Are Invisible to Desirable Women When They Don’t Possess What a Woman Needs from a Man
A good woman wants to help take care of a good man, but she also needs to be taken care of by the man. If she senses the relationship would be one sided, meaning that she would just be giving to you because you don’t possess what she needs, she will look past you.
So what does a good woman need from a man? She needs him to be able to fulfill the biblical role of a husband, which at minimum is to pursue, provide, protect, and spiritually lead (Ephesians 5:25-33, 1 Peter 3:7, Colossians 3:19-21).
5. God Will Make You Invisible to a Desirable Women to Protect You and Prepare You for the Right Relationship at the Right Time
Sometimes you will go unseen not because you have some huge flaw but rather because it’s just not your time yet. Perhaps God has a mission for you that needs to be accomplished in singleness first and then you will be ready for a godly woman. Perhaps you are maturing well, but you just need more time.
God probably wants to bless you with a wife one day, but he definitely wants you to honor him with a wife if he does give that blessing to you; therefore, he will wait to bring her into your life until you are ready to rightly handle her heart and your own (Luke 16:10-12).
I’ll be talking more about these concepts on the AGW for Men YouTube channel, so make sure you are subscribed if you haven’t already.