6 Signs God Is Saying, “Do Not Pursue Her!”

Here are 6 signs that often appear when God is telling you not to pursue a specific woman.

1. If You’re Not Ready to Pursue Any Woman, God Is Telling You to Not to Pursue that Specific Woman You Have Feelings for

Whatever God tells you specifically, he first has already told you generally in the Bible. In other words, God will never tell you something personally that would contradict what he already told all of us generally in the Scriptures.

We can apply this principle when you have a question about pursuing a specific woman. Before even asking about her, first ask God about yourself. Regardless of this woman and how you feel about her, are you actually ready to do what the Bible says in marriage?

If you are not ready to fulfill the biblical role of a husband as outlined in Ephesians 5:22-33, there is no biblical grounds for you to pursue a woman at all.

2. If You’re Fooling Yourself Into Thinking You Actually Know Her, God Is Probably Telling You Not to Pursue Her

Never allow yourself to build a woman up in your mind so it feels like you know her when in fact you, you definitely do not.

You may have thought about her a lot, you may have watched her from a distance, and you may be reading into little details that you picked up through surface level conversations; but if you haven’t actually spent meaningful time with a woman and really gotten to know her in reality, don’t pursue her.

Maybe God will lead you to pursue her one day, but in the meantime, your first goal should be to just get to know her. Before Boaz pursued Ruth, he already knew her for months and had gained real facts about her character (Ruth 3:10-13)

3. If You’re Not Attracted to Her, God Is Telling You Not to Pursue Her

Many guys worry that God might command them to marry a woman they don’t want to marry. I’m confident God will never tell you to do this because that would go against God’s original purpose for marriage.

Remember, according to Ephesians 5:22-33, the husband represents Christ and the wife represents the church. Does Christ not want to be with his bride? Does the church dislike Jesus? The biblical symbolism totally breaks down if a man and woman don’t want to get married.

Additionally, it’s clear throughout the New Testament, such as in 1 Corinthians 7, that marriage is an option for those who want it. Singleness is a great option too. In fact, if a man would perfect to be single, Paul says that man is better off in singleness (1 Corinthians 7:38). This doesn’t mean marriage is second best. It just means that marriage is only for those who want it (1 Corinthians 7:7). Thus, God would not command you to marry a specific woman because he has not commanded you to be married in general if you don’t want to be married.

4. If You’re Just Attracted to Her Physically, God Is Telling You Not to Pursue Her

Don’t confuse lust for love. Proverbs 31:30, “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

You should be physically attracted to the woman you pursue. But if you pursue a woman who lacks character, no matter how physically stunning you think she is, she will always become a curse to you.

5. If She’s Not Sending Any Signs that She’s Mutually Interested in You Like You Are in Her, God Is Probably Telling You Not to Pursue Her

If it’s not mutual, it’s not biblical (Genesis 24:58, Song of Solomon 1:15-16, 1 Corinthians 7:36).

Some women need extra pursuit because they are afraid of falling for a guy who is just playing games. So if you really like a woman but she’s not showing signs of liking you back, there’s nothing wrong with trying longer or trying something different.

But eventually, if there’s still no real evidence she will ever like you as more than friend, accept that this is God telling you not to pursue her. You would be miserable with a woman who can’t love you back.

6. If You Would Have to Convert Her for It to Be Biblical, God Is Telling You Not to Pursue Her

Avoid playing mental gymnastics with yourself. God calls us to live in the present, not in what “could be.” Sure, this woman “could” become a Christian one day. She “could” also become a Buddhist, or anything else for that matter. Anything is possible.

So all you can do is live in reality. If she’s not a Christian right now, you would be sinning by getting into a relationship with her because you would be unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14).

If you feel led to share the gospel with her, do it. But you don’t need to date a woman to share the gospel with her. No matter how much you want a certain woman, obey the word of God. It always results in your good when you follow the Lord’s commands (James 1:25).

Okay, so how will God let you know that he does want you to pursue a certain woman? I answer that equally important question in this article: 5 Signs God Is Telling You to Pursue that Woman.