6 Signs the Holy Spirit Is Highlighting God’s Choice for You

How will the Holy Spirit highlight the person God has chosen to be your future spouse?

When Faith met Jeremy, she knew she had met the man God wanted her to marry one day. He was handsome, tall, and a natural leader. She had first noticed him when she walked into her economics class at her Christian college; and then when she was placed on the same team as him for a group project, she felt this was the Lord making it happen.

While others were on the team too, Faith and Jeremy homed in on each other. They exchanged contact information so they could “work on the project” together, but those meet ups quickly turned into dates. Everything was going so well until . . . Jeremy, out of the blue, told Faith that he had started a relationship someone else and could no longer spend time with her.

Faith was deeply confused and emotionally crushed. As she laid alone in her college dorm, staring at the ceiling, a small tear rolled down her cheek. She then prayed silently in her heart, “Lord, why did you let this happen? I thought you had chosen Jeremy for me.”

While 1 Samuel 16:1-13 is not directly about God choosing someone’s spouse, it does contain a story of how the Holy Spirit showed Samuel who God had chosen to be king over Israel.

By identifying the principles in this amazing passage of Scripture and applying them to our question, we can see at least 6 signs the Holy Spirit is highlighting God’s choice for you.

1. You Must Let Go of Those God Has Rejected for You to Receive the One God Has Chosen for You

Months had passed since Jeremy started dating someone else, but Faith could not shake the feeling that Jeremy was still the one for her.

As Faith poured her heart out to her mother, her mom just listened. For weeks, her mom didn’t give her advice. She simply supported her and tried to grieve with her. Finally, Faith asked, “Mom, aren’t you going to say anything? Aren’t you going to give me any advice about all this?”

This was the moment her mom had been waiting for. “Yes, honey, I have a lot to say. I just wanted to wait until you were ready to hear it. You’ve been really emotional ever since Jeremy started dating someone else, so I didn’t think you were in the right place to hear what I had to say.”

“Okay, but I’m ready now. What should I do, mom?”

“Honey, Jeremy is not acting like the man God has for you. How long will you grieve for a man who isn’t grieving over losing you? When he chose that other woman, he was telling you that he doesn’t see a future with you. God doesn’t want you with a man who doesn’t value you. To receive the man God has for you, I believe you have to fully let go of Jeremy.”

1 Samuel 16:1, “The Lord said to Samuel, ‘How long will you grieve over Saul, since I have rejected him from being king over Israel? Fill your horn with oil, and go. I will send you to Jesse the Bethlehemite, for I have provided for myself a king among his sons.’” 

The point is, when God is preparing to highlight your future spouse to you, he will often help you stop grieving over the person who you thought was the one.

2. You Must Obey the Lord Even When There Are Barriers Blocking You

While her mom’s words were hard to receive, Faith knew they were exactly what God wanted her to hear in that moment. But there was a major problem. Faith had told all of her friends that she knew Jeremy was the one for her. How could she now face them and tell them that she was wrong?

She prayed about this, and she felt like the Holy Spirit was telling her that she just needed to humble herself. Her friends were loving people. Most of them would probably never bring it up. And if one of them did, Faith knew she would just have to admit that she was wrong. When she let go of the fear of what others thought of her, she felt a great peace from the Lord.

1 Samuel 16:2-5 states, “And Samuel said, ‘How can I go? If Saul hears it, he will kill me.’ And the Lord said, ‘Take a heifer with you and say, “I have come to sacrifice to the Lord.” And invite Jesse to the sacrifice, and I will show you what you shall do. And you shall anoint for me him whom I declare to you.’ Samuel did what the Lord commanded and came to Bethlehem. The elders of the city came to meet him trembling and said, ‘Do you come peaceably?’ And he said, ‘Peaceably; I have come to sacrifice to the Lord. Consecrate yourselves, and come with me to the sacrifice.’ And he consecrated Jesse and his sons and invited them to the sacrifice.”

The point is, there will always be some barrier trying to block you from obeying the Lord’s leading. The solution is not to try to prevent every problem, but to obey God regardless of the problems. No matter what, like Samuel, just obey God. He will rescue you from your enemies and break down any barriers blocking you from his will.

3. You Must Let God Reveal the Right One to You By Letting Him Show You Someone’s Heart

About a year later, Faith was in a completely different place. She had gained perspective about the whole “Jeremy situation.” She realized she had fallen in love with the idea of Jeremy, but in truth, she didn’t really know Jeremy as much as she thought she did. She heard through mutual friends that Jeremy had dumped the woman he had chosen over Faith and then instantly started dating someone else. Faith now realized Jeremy was a player.

1 Samuel 16:6-7, “When they came, he looked on Eliab and thought, ‘Surely the Lord’s anointed is before him.’ But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.’” 

The Holy Spirit will highlight your future spouse to you by giving you opportunities to see their heart. We can’t see the heart like God does. God can see the roots. We, however, can only see the fruits. In other words, while we can’t see into someone’s heart, we can see the actions their heart is producing, which can then give us a lot of evidence on what type of heart this person actually has.

As Jesus said, “The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45).

4. You Must Let God Reveal the One to You Through Finding Out Who’s Not The One

Faith felt ready to start dating again. But she had graduated from her Christian college, so now she felt like her options in meeting Christian men were a lot more limited.  Thus, she felt prompted by the Holy Spirit to try online dating. She joined a Christian dating site and immediately got a lot of attention.

However, after going on five dates with five different guys, she was starting to feel hopeless. Two of the guys were not Christians at all, even though they thought they were. When Faith talked about her desire to practice abstinence before marriage, they laughed and rolled their eyes. The other three guys seemed like genuine Christians, but Faith was not attracted to them at all and did not feel any personal connection to them.

1 Samuel 16:8-10, “Then Jesse called Abinadab and made him pass before Samuel. And he said, ‘Neither has the Lord chosen this one.’ Then Jesse made Shammah pass by. And he said, ‘Neither has the Lord chosen this one.’ And Jesse made seven of his sons pass before Samuel. And Samuel said to Jesse, ‘The Lord has not chosen these.’”

The point is, to see who God is highlighting to be your future spouse, you will often have to first see who God is not highlighting. Like Samuel seeking to see the man chosen by God to be king over Israel, you also will have to get out there and see who is not chosen by God before he finally does reveal the one to you.

5. You Must Let God Bring the One Who’s Been Training for the Call

Everything finally made sense once Faith met Joel. They met at a ministry event where a few local churches had partnered together to put on a 5k running race to raise money for the local homeless shelter. Faith and Joel were both stationed to help check people in as they arrived. It was hectic and stressful, but Faith and Joel worked seamlessly together.

After everyone had been checked in, Joel and Faith took a deep breath, looked at each other, and started laughing about how crazy that was. Joel then asked, “Do you want to get a coffee with me and watch the race together?” From that point on, Joel and Faith were pretty much inseparable.

1 Samuel 16:11-12, “Then Samuel said to Jesse, ‘Are all your sons here?’ And he said, ‘There remains yet the youngest, but behold, he is keeping the sheep.’ And Samuel said to Jesse, ‘Send and get him, for we will not sit down till he comes here.’ And he sent and brought him in. Now he was ruddy and had beautiful eyes and was handsome. And the Lord said, ‘Arise, anoint him, for this is he.’”

As Faith got to know Joel more, she learned that he was passionate about Jesus. He studied the word, he co-led a Bible study for young adults with his pastor, and he was active in other ministries through his church. He was also working hard at his job and saving to buy a house.

Faith realized Joel had been training to be a husband long before she came into his life.

6. You Must Let God Equip You Both for the Trials Rather than Only Accepting Challenges for Which You Feel Equipped

There was a problem, however, between Joel and Faith. Things were starting to get serious and headed towards engagement. But they both absolutely loved their churches. Neither of them wanted to leave their own church so they could be a part of the same church family. They began to question how this would work if they got married.

1 Samuel 16:13, “Then Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him in the midst of his brothers. And the Spirit of the Lord rushed upon David from that day forward. And Samuel rose up and went to Ramah.”

Throughout David’s life, God empowered him to do amazing things. What’s important to notice, however, is that all of these amazing feats happened after he was anointed. Sometimes we think God anoints those who do amazing things for him. But in truth, God’s anointing is what causes us to do good things for him.

Faith and Joel prayed hard about their different desires. They talked to both of their pastors. Finally, they realized there wasn’t a perfect solution. So they decided they needed to compromise somehow. Joel agreed that he would leave his church and become a member at Faith’s church. They would attend that church on Sundays and participate in a small group midweek from that church.

However, Joel wanted to keep serving at the young adult’s ministry at his old church and he wanted Faith to serve there with him. Faith agreed. And both of their pastors agreed that this would be a great compromise for all.

The point is, no relationship will be perfect, even when the Holy Spirit really is highlighting the one to you. Therefore, do not think you must only accept the trials you are able to handle in your own power. Rather, accept that when God calls you, he will also equip you for that call, no matter what trial comes your way.

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