Actively Waiting for Your Person from God VS. Passively Waiting for Your Person from God

Here are 4 differences between actively waiting for your future spouse compared to passively waiting for this person to come into your life.

1. Actively Waiting Involves Preparing. Passively Waiting Involves Procrastination

Waiting is wasted when you are not wisely planning for the future.

When Jesus was teaching us about preparing ourselves to take up our cross for him, he said, “For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? (Luke 14:28). While Jesus was not talking about marriage, the principle explained here can be applied generally to the importance of planning for what you hope to experience in the future.

If you hope to remain faithful to Jesus through the whole of your life, the Jesus is telling you to plan for that outcome by counting the cost. Likewise, if you hope to have a glorifying relationship that is enjoyable to you and pleasing to the Lord, you must start planning for that now.

When someone is passively waiting for God to bring their future spouse into their life, they will be procrastinating on developing the character and relationship maturity needed for a Christian marriage. When someone is actively waiting on God to bring their future spouse into their life, they will be examining themselves and looking for ways to mature which will benefit them and their future spouse one day.

2. Actively Waiting Involves Working While Leaving the Results to God. Passively Waiting Involves Not Working but Still Expecting Results from God

Christians often get confused when the topic of “works” comes up. Scripture is crystal clear that we are not saved by our works (Ephesians 2:8-9). However, Scripture is also crystal clear that God wants us to produce good works once we are saved (Ephesians 2:10).

Additionally, Christians often overlook the difference between working hard and the results of working hard. You must work hard but the results still depend on God. God wants us to make the choice to work hard for his glorification. However, he never wants us to take the credit for the good that happens when we work hard because he is the one who is still producing those good outcomes (1 Corinthians 3:7, 1 Corinthians 4:7, 1 Peter 4:10-11, 1 Chronicles 14:11).

So when you are actively waiting for your future spouse, you will still be putting in the work needed to meet other singles, you will still be putting in effort to get to know someone, and you will still need to work hard to grow this relationship. And then you will still have to wait to see what results God produces.

If you are passively waiting for your future spouse, you will just be expecting the results you want without the work that God is telling you to do.

3. Actively Waiting Involves Using Discernment and Good Judgement. Passively Waiting Involves Wishful Thinking and Wild Interpretations

God will speak to you about who to marry. He will give you the confirmation and tell you how to form this marriage he wants for you. But this guidance isn’t going to just come to you without your active participation.

Notice what Hebrews 5:14 says about discernment, “But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil.” This is one of the reasons people crave supernatural signs from God. They require no work on your part. Laziness and immaturity often fuel us to cry out to God, “Lord, please just send me a sign!”

What if God is sending you signs but you have to apply effort to see them? Reading and wisely applying the Scriptures is hard work. Spending time in prayer requires self-discipline. Asking other people for wisdom requires an emotional investment and relationship building.

It’s a lot easier to look at a cloud shaped like a heart and assume God is sending you a sign. Going on a date with this person and actually getting to know him or her to see if you two are equally yoked is hard work. It’s a lot easier to just ask for a dream or a random event that has some hidden meaning to it. It’s a lot harder to interact with this person you are interested in to see if they interact with you in a positive way.

So actively waiting for your person includes using biblical discernment and good judgment to rightly identify this person. Passively waiting includes wishful thinking and reading into things that don’t really mean anything.

4. Actively Waiting Involves Living Your Life for the Glory of God. Passively Waiting Involves Revolving Your Life Around What You Don’t Have

Waiting on God should never be confused with waiting to glorify God (1 Corinthians 10:31). Waiting for the Lord must never hinder you from living your life for his name’s sake (Colossians 3:17). There will be certain things in life that you have to wait on God for. But this never means you should “just” be waiting. God always has good works for us to do (Ephesians 2:10).

Practically speaking, just waiting for God to give you something is one of the worst ways to receive what you want. God often blesses us with more once we have been faithful with what we have (Luke 16:10).

In fact, when you live your life for the glory of God, this is oftentimes when he introduces you to your person. He wants to partner you with a spouse that will enable you to serve him better. Thus, he will often bring you two together when you are both serving him.