5 Biblical Things You Should Do If You Need to Stop Thinking About a Certain Woman

If you know you need to stop thinking about a certain woman, here are 5 biblical things you should do.

1. Ask the Lord If There Is Anything He’s Trying to Say to You About This Woman

Sometimes you can’t stop thinking about a woman because God isn’t letting you.

For example, perhaps you need to pursue her. If God wants you with her, then he’s not going to let you stop thinking about her until you do something.

Or maybe you know God does not want you with this woman because you already tried and it didn’t work out. However, perhaps he’s trying to teach you something from that experience but you are trying to move on too quick. Perhaps after praying and reflecting on the situation, God will expose some areas where you need healing or he will teach you a valuable lesson for the future. Maybe then the thoughts will stop.

Lastly, maybe there needs to be some forgiveness. If you wronged her, maybe you need to apologize. If she wronged you, maybe you need to forgive her. Perhaps then God will allow you to fully move on from this woman.

The point is, ask God if there is anything he’s trying to say through these thoughts of yours about her (Psalm 139:23-24). He will guide you.

2. Pray for Her But Then Stop Praying for Her

Maybe you really care about a woman who’s an unbeliever. You would like to date her, but your Christian conviction to not be unequally yoked is preventing you. So you’ve been praying for her salvation for a longtime. However, you might be endlessly stuck waiting for a woman who will never be right for you if you just keep praying about her. You should pray for her salvation. But there does come a point where you need to leave this in God’s hands and move forward. It’s okay to stop praying for her. God is sovereign. He can lead her to himself without you going in circles.

Or maybe you’ve been praying for your ex even though it was a mutual breakup. This is good. It shows that you are mature in the Lord and want good for her even if you two aren’t a couple. But you don’t need to keep her in your daily prayers. You can release her to the Lord and allow your mind to move on.

The point is, you should always be praying (Ephesians 6:18). But it is possible to pray too much about a certain thing (1 Samuel 8:19-20). If you are endlessly praying for a woman that you know you need to stop thinking about, you won’t ever be able to stop thinking about her.

Pray for her, but then stop praying for her.

3. Stop Asking God to Give Her to You

There is a false belief among many Christians that the more you pray about something, the more likely it is that God will give it to you. Some people believe that if they suffer in prayer, pleading for God to give them this thing, this somehow makes God more willing to give it. But notice what Jesus said in Matthew 6:7-8. It reads:

“And when you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard for their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.”

Prayer is right. You should ask God for what you desire. However, there does come a point where God will tell you to move on. He’s heard your prayer. He knows what you need. Leave it to him.

This relates to relationships as well. If you keep praying that God would give you a certain woman, eventually this repetitive prayer will do you harm. One negative consequence is that your mind will always be thinking about her, causing you to miss out on what God is giving you because you are so focused on what he’s not giving you.

4. Let Your Thoughts About Her Pass Without Overreacting to Them

Sometimes we make our repetitive thoughts worse by giving them more attention than they deserve.

If you have a thought about a woman, it could be God trying to tell you something. But it can also just be your own mind. Sometimes a thought is just a thought that doesn’t mean anything. Sometimes a situation may just relate to something you’ve experienced with this woman, thus your mind was triggered to recall some memories with her. Or sometimes you keep thinking about a woman because you want to stop thinking about her so bad. It’s like telling yourself not to think about elephants. This will actually cause you to think about elephants.

Whatever the reason for the thoughts, if you want to stop thinking about something, sometimes the best thing you can do is nothing. Just let the thought pass. Keep doing what you’re doing without analyzing the thought. Avoid going into a prayer cycle to counteract the thoughts. Just keep moving forward with the Lord (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Faith can be expressed in many ways. Sometimes we need to pray about something and reflect. But sometimes our faith needs to be expressed through total trust in God and not worrying about our thoughts so much.

5. Focus on Other Positive Things, Including Other Women

Whenever you need to stop thinking about something, the solution is never to just “stop thinking.” Thinking is like breathing. You are always going to be doing it. If you are breathing in smoke, the solution is not to stop breathing but to get fresh air. The same is true with our thoughts. To stop thinking about something, you have to replace those thoughts with something else (Romans 12:21, Romans 13:14).

I’m not advocating for a rebound relationship. Rather, I’m saying that sometimes you need to choose to move on with your actions and then your mind and emotions will follow. You may be thinking so much about this one woman simply because she was the last woman you had romantic interactions with or feelings for. By being open to meeting someone new, your mind will start focusing on healthier relationship options.