Never Date Anyone Without These 12 Biblical Green Flags!

Before we jump into these 12 biblical green flags you should see in someone before dating them, I think this is a great opportunity to remind ourselves of “the perfection trap.” The perfection trap is when we start being so idealistic that we can never find anyone who will live up to our expectations.

So just remember that no one is perfect. We will all struggle with some of the things I will be mentioning on this list. What is most important as Christians is that we are participating with the Holy Spirit in the process of sanctification (1 John 1:5-10).

Also, these are not in any particular order of importance . . . other than the last one on this list. That is the most important green flag to see!

Green Flag #1: They “Argue” Fairly with Others (and with You)

When you become one with your future spouse as the Lord designed to happen (Genesis 2:24), you might think you will always “be one” on everything. That’s not going to happen!

Even if you meet someone who is more like you than anyone you’ve ever met, you two will still be two unique individuals. This is why it’s so important that you know “how” someone argues and not “if” they argue.

You might think someone never argues, but in reality they might just be shutting down. This will lead to future resentment and being blindsided with problems you never knew existed. Others get really aggressive, hoping that you shut down and always submit to them.

A healthy person, however, can argue fairly, expressing their desires respectfully while also compromising in reasonable ways. Proverbs 15:1, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Green Flag #2: They Show Character When Talking About People They Don’t Like

How do they talk about that pastor who deceived the church and ended up being a charlatan? What do they say about their ex? How do they talk about the politicians they didn’t vote for?

We don’t need to pretend we like or agree with everyone. However, when we spew nastiness about others, regardless of how right we are, we are just showing our own lack of character. A mature Christian knows how to express their differences and not pretend they agree with someone while still maintain self-control and respect.

As Jesus said, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44).

Green Flag #3: They Are Self-Aware of Their Own Weaknesses (and Are Working on Them)

How can you correct a problem you refuse to see about yourself?

Self-awareness is the foundation to growth. This is one of the reasons God commands us to always remember his laws. While the Bible encourages us and helps us stay connected to God in a personal way, it also points out sins so we can repent (Romans 3:20).

Matthew 7:4-5, “Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”

Green Flag #4: They Celebrate Other People’s Blessings and Show Compassion when Others Suffer

Toxic people are so self-absorbed that they can never feel what others are feeling. You can tell someone is mature and healthy when they are genuinely happy for other people’s wins and are genuinely sad when others are going through something hard.

Romans 12:15, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”

Green Flag #5: They Have Holy Habits

A meaningful life is not made up of just mountaintop experiences. There are some of those. However, life is made up of the daily moments. Like grains of sand that accumulate to form a beach, so too will our minutes form our months, our months form our years, and years form our decades.

This is why are daily habits are so powerful. Does this person pray every morning, read their Bible every day, and attend church on a weekly basis? It’s a huge green flag when the pursuit of holiness is a habit and not a rare event in this person’s life.

Galatians 6:9, “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”

Green Flag #6: They’re Willing to Talk About Problems When You Need to “Talk”

How do they respond when you ask, “Can we talk?” That phrase can send some people running for the hills. It’s a great sign when they settle in and are willing to address whatever you want to bring up.

Ephesians 4:26-27, “. . . do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.”

Green Flag #7: They Know How to Set Boundaries with Pushy People

Other people can ruin your relationship if you let them. Even if you know how to set good boundaries with pushy people, you have to make sure your partner also knows how to set boundaries. If they can’t do this, they will become an open door into the castle defenses, letting enemies in who need to be kept out.

Romans 16:17, “I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them.”

Green Flag #8: They Desire the Biblical Roles for Marriage

Many people these days will straight up tell you (if you ask) that they think the old rules for relationships are toxic. Don’t dabble with these types of people in dating. Look for people who are ready to obey the basics on the biblical roles for marriage.

Husband love through servant leadership. Wives submit through respect and care. Worldly people think husband and wives are interchangeable parts.

Ephesians 5:33, “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

Green Flag #9: They Treat People Well Even When There Is No Personal Benefit

How do they talk to strangers? When driving, do they ever move over so other people can merge onto the highway? Are they rude or respectful to the waiter?

It’s a green flag when this person treats others with love and respect even when they know they will never see them again. That shows character.

Hebrews 13:2, “Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.”

Green Flag #10: They Are Trustworthy

Sometimes our own kindness can get us into bad relationships. It’s great to give someone the benefit of the doubt, but don’t refuse to doubt someone even when the evidence is telling you that you should.

Trustworthy people show up when they commit, they share the whole truth rather than partial-truths, and they let you know when they make mistakes rather than waiting to be caught.

Trust is foundation for any healthy relationship. No one is perfect. Life happens sometimes. But it’s a green flag when you know you can count on someone because they’ve shown they are trustworthy.

Luke 16:10, “One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much.”

Green Flag #11: They Have a Biblical Worldview

The core beliefs we have shape everything about us. You will always be at odds with someone if you have a biblical worldview but they do not.

Romans 12:2, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

Green Flag #12: They Don’t Just Believe in Jesus. They Also Love Him

Doctrine is very helpful. Professing Christ as your Lord and Savior before the world is essential if you’re a true Christian. Prayer, Bible study, and church attendance will keep you on the right track. And without obeying God, we are just deceiving ourselves that we actually know him.

But above doctrine, professing Christ verbally, prayer, Bible study, church attendance, and even above outward obedience, there must be genuine love for Christ in our hearts!

Matthew 22:37-38, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment.”

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