If you’re a Christian single woman waiting for the man God has for her, here are 4 painful things that often need to happen before you will meet this man.
Also, I’m giving away a free copy (PDF) of my book, The One, to everyone who joins my email list. Click here to join and get instant access to this helpful book!
1. Before God Reveals Your Future Husband to You, Oftentimes God Will First Dismantle Any Immature Beliefs About Godly Men
A.W. Tozer famously said, “What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.”
Why is this true? Because beliefs shape our actions. For example, when you believe God hates you, you run from him in fear. When you believe God loves you, you run towards him in joy.
A wrong belief is like having a wrong map. If you were traveling through Cleveland but you had a map of Philadelphia, no amount of behavior modification would help you.
If you believe things that are not true about godly men, this will negatively affect your interactions with godly men in massive ways. To get you to the right man, God will first give you the right beliefs about godly men.
For example, do you believe men should pursue regardless of how much you invite them to pursue? That will push good men away. They are human too. Yes, they should pursue. But they also want to feel wanted. If you don’t express interest, they will never keep pursuing you once they risk rejection and feel your coldness.
That’s just one example. The possibilities of false beliefs about men are endless. The point is, before God reveals the right man to you, he will often root out any core beliefs that need to go (Psalm 139:23-24).
2. Before God Reveals Your Future Husband to You, God Often Helps You Accept You Are Not the Type of Woman (YET) Who Can Partner with the Type of Man You Want
Sometimes we don’t meet our own standards. This is one of the reasons Jesus said, “For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you” (Matthew 7:2). In other words, he was telling us to be careful in what standards we use.
Sometimes this means we need to adjust what we expect of others, while at other times this means we must adjust what we expect of ourselves. Whatever you hope to have in a future husband, it’s always wise to also ask yourself, “And what would this type of man want in a woman?”
Do you want a good provider? Then remind yourself that a man like that is going to want a good manager of money. Do you want a physically strong and healthy man? Then remind yourself that a man like that is going to want a woman who also takes care of her body. Do you want a man who can lead in the church? Then remind yourself that a man like that will want a wife who can partner with him in ministry. As Stephen Covey wrote in his famous book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People:
What we are communicates far more eloquently than anything we say or do. We all know it. There are people we trust absolutely because we know their character. Whether they’re eloquent or not, whether they have human relationship techniques or not, we trust them, and we work successfully with them . . . As Emerson once put it, ‘What you are shouts so loudly in my ears I cannot hear what you say.’”
None of us are ever going to be perfect. And oftentimes we are own worst critic. So don’t take what I’m saying out of context. With that said, sometimes, before we receive a blessing, we often have to go through a painful realization that we don’t yet possess what is needed to rightly handle this blessing we crave.
God doesn’t leave us there though! That is just the first step in the process. Once we realize what we lack, he then sends us on a journey so we can receive what he wants to give (Hebrews 12:7-11).
3. Before God Reveals Your Future Husband to You, God Often Requires You to Let Go of a Man Who Is Not Your Future Husband
The stronger a desire is, the more likely you will be tempted to satisfy that desire in the wrong way. It’s like being hungry. You aren’t going to eat a bag of chips after you just ate a full, well-balanced dinner that satiated your hunger. However, if you haven’t eaten anything all day and now you are starving, you might then breakdown and devour those chips like a little savage.
The point is, if you have been designed by God with the calling of marriage rather than singleness, you are going to have a very strong desire inside of you for marriage. Our desires often reveal our design. Thus, it is very likely you may get tempted to fall for a guy who is not the one God has for you simply because your longing for marriage is overpowering your good judgment.
As 1 Peter 5:8 warns, “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. “
If you find yourself in a situation like this where you know you’re making bad choices with a guy because your desires are overpowering your logic, I encourage you to take a step back and remember what you really want. You don’t just want to be married. You want to be married to a godly man who can love the Lord with you.
If you are clinging to a man who loves the Lord but doesn’t love you, or you are clinging to a man who loves you but doesn’t love the Lord, you have to accept this is not the man God has for you. Let him go. It will be painful, but this is a part of the path that will lead you to the man who loves God and who also loves you.
4. Before God Reveals Your Future Husband to You, God Often Teaches You How to Forgive and Move Forward After Being Really Hurt
Pain is a part of life. God’s solution to human pain caused by other humas is not avoidance. Rather, it’s grace. Through forgiveness, we not only set someone else free, but we are also setting ourselves free too.
This was one of the main messages taught through Jesus’ parable about the unmerciful servant in Matthew 18:21-35. The master forgave the servant much, but then the servant could not forgive others, thus the servant lost the freedom he was given. Not forgiving others causes us to lose our freedom. Unforgiveness ruins everything!
Thus, to be in a healthy relationship with the man God has for you, you must learn to forgive others and offer grace. This true for two reasons. First, this man will need your forgiveness at times, just like you will need his. If you two can’t offer grace, the relationship will never last.
Second, if you don’t forgive people when they wrong you, you will always project past hurts onto people in your present, even when those people have nothing to do with the pain you are experiencing. You won’t be able to see the man God has for you and trust this man if you are holding onto hurts from other people in your past.
I’m giving away a free copy (PDF) of my book, The One, to everyone who joins my email list. Click here to join and get instant access to this helpful book!
