Many Christians feel that it’s wrong to stand up to rude people, as though the Bible somehow forbids us from defending ourselves from disrespectful behavior. Nothing could be further from the truth.
In fact, the Bible commands us to confront people in their sins (Galatians 6:1, 1 Timothy 5:20), and rude people are often being mean not just from social ignorance but from malice in their hearts, which is sin, not just a social mistake.
So not only are we seeking to guard our own hearts (Proverbs 4:23), but we are also seeking to love this rude person. We aren’t trying to make them regret insulting us as a form of revenge; rather, our motive here is to help them repent and escape the traps of the devil in which they are entangled (2 Timothy 2:25-26).
And yet, this is not easy. In many cases, when we confront rude people, we fall even deeper into their traps. They want us to be emotional and hurt. They want us to respond incorrectly so we feel even worse about ourselves. So what can be done?
Here are 4 biblical ways to make a rude person regret insulting you.
1. A Rude Person Will Regret Insulting You When You Stop Running and You Start Responding with God’s Truth
Like two dogs standing off against each other for the alpha spot in the pack, the one who backs down first is demoted to the beta position. Now, I’m not saying that you should seek to be the alpha and rule over this person. But I am saying that like a dog looking for dominance over another dog, you are projecting weakness and inviting further disrespect when you keep running when this person is rude to you.
Instead, you must prepare yourself to confront the rudeness in the moment, as soon as it happens. When this person says something rude, for example, your first instinct should not be to ignore it or run away. Of course, it’s good to overlook some offenses and give people the benefit of the doubt. But we’re not talking about one-off situations where you feel like someone may have been rude. Rather, I’m talking about someone who has been consistently rude to you, and you know for certain they are doing this on purpose. When a person like this is in your life, you have to stop running and start responding. Notice what 1 Peter 3:13-16 states:
Now who is there to harm you if you are zealous for what is good? But even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame.”
This is the spirit and type of energy we need when dealing with rude people. We must be gentle and respectful, but we also must be confrontational and prepared to defend our biblical lifestyle and choices.
Thus, the first step to help a rude person regret insulting you is to prepare yourself to engage with them rather than run away. We must not argue or attack them. But we must also call out rudeness and speak biblical truths against lies. I’ll give more specific actions you can take in the points ahead.
2. A Rude Person Will Regret Insulting You When You Show Them How Powerless They Are Over Your Emotions
What rude people really want is control. And one way they feel in control is when they can get you to react. So, while you must eventually confront a rude person, you must also be careful not to be emotional when you confront them, because that’s what they want. They feel empowered when they get emotional reactions out of you. Notice the balance found in 2 Timothy 2:23-26, which states:
Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.”
So, according to this passage, we can see at least two ways we can show a rude person that they are powerless over our emotions. First, you can just ignore the invitation to argue as seen in verse 23. While I do believe it is biblical to confront people in love, it’s also biblical to ignore people who have zero interest in being corrected. That’s what Jesus was teaching us in Matthew 7:6.
The second way to show someone they are powerless over our emotions is when you correct their errors and engage in conversation without matching their argumentative energy. This principle is evident in verse 24. It states we are not to argue, but we are to correct our opponents with gentleness. When you can correct someone with a gentle spirit, it shows that they are powerless over you. Like a mature parent calmly correcting an out-of-control toddler, your calm correction of a rude person can be a very humbling experience for them.
Lastly, you can only really do this by maintaining Christian love and actually caring about this person who is rude. Notice the heart we are told to have for these people in verses 25-26. We are to hope they repent, knowing they are actually enslaved by the devil just like we were before we received God’s grace of salvation in Jesus.
By maintaining genuine concern for them, you are actually rebuking them too. As Proverbs 25:21-22 explains, “If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat, and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink, for you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you.”
3. A Rude Person Will Regret Insulting You When You Stop Pretending They Are Acting Acceptably
Rude people are oftentimes very fake too. They don’t just embrace their rudeness by being open about it. That would take a bit of courage to admit that they intended to be rude. No, rude people are usually cowards. Deep down, they are usually very afraid.
So instead of owning their rudeness and actually telling you to your face that they don’t care about you, they usually pretend just enough to mask it, so they can always hide behind excuses. As Proverbs 26:18-20 states, “Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows, and death is the man who deceives his neighbor and says, ‘I am only joking!’ For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases.”
Notice what verse 20 says. Perhaps this is stated to give us a solution to the deception of rude people. Instead of whispering about the subtle rudeness, perhaps we are to confront it openly. This verse doesn’t say we shouldn’t talk about problems. It’s telling us not to talk about the problems with other people later on after the offense took place. We are not to whisper about the conflict, complaining and gossiping later on, because this only fuels further conflict. Rather, we are to speak boldly in the moment.
Here are some practical ways you can stop pretending someone is acting acceptably:
- Maintain eye contact. As the rude person speaks to you, look them directly in the eye. And even after they say something rude, maintain eye contact without saying anything. Do this for just a few extra seconds longer than is socially normal. Three to four seconds of silent eye contact speaks volumes. It says you know what they are doing and you are not afraid of them.
- Next, ask them directly if you are understanding their intentions clearly. For example, if someone says to you, “Wow, looks like someone has been enjoying the holiday cookies.” You could pause, look them in the eyes, and then ask in a friendly but firm tone, “Are you asking me if I gained weight?” Or if your coworker says, “Not all of us can be the boss’s favorite,” You could ask, “Are you saying I don’t work hard and don’t deserve what I’ve earned here?” Most will then backtrack with nervous energy, taking the out you’ve given them, which helps you reassert your dignity and gives them a chance to repent of their rudeness.
- When more subtle corrections don’t work, you should openly rebuke specific actions or words without using a generalized negative label. For example, if your aunt keeps talking about everything you are doing wrong in relationships and what you need to do better to meet someone, rather than getting emotional and snapping with, “You’re being rude,” you could calmly say, “Aunt Karen, it’s not very kind to assume I’m doing something wrong. You should really only give someone relationship advice if they asked for it.” Or if your father has raised his voice at you like you’re a child, even though you are an adult, don’t shout back in anger, “You’re such an angry man.” Rather, in a respectful tone, you could say, “Dad, please don’t raise your voice at me.”
Rude people are often very fake people. They will regret being rude to you when you force them to confront the truth of what they are doing. When you stop letting them hide from their rude words and actions, they will think twice about being rude to you.
4. A Rude Person Will Regret Insulting You When You Let Them Sin Against You Without Acting Hurt Afterwards
In the end, we must always remember that we can’t make anyone repent. All we can do is lovingly rebuke them. After we have done this, the Bible doesn’t tell us to keep doing this over and over. Rather, eventually, if someone remains in their sin, we are to stop correcting them (Matthew 18:17). If, for some reason, you can’t distance yourself from a rude person you’ve already rebuked, the best thing you can do is let them be rude without being rude back. When you degrade your character and play their game, they win.
But when we can allow rude people to be rude while showing them they aren’t going to control our emotions, we are actually being a light to them, pointing them to Jesus. As Jesus said in Matthew 5:38-42, which states:
You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.”
When you can turn the other cheek, it’s not weakness. This is an awesome display of massive power. Only the strongest people can let rude people be rude while not being rude back.
The things I’ve talked about in this article are extremely difficult. You will only be able to do these things if you are truly detached from other people’s views of you and if your identity is rooted in Christ.
Confrontation is uncomfortable. If you need people to always like you, you will always be ruled by rude people. But when you are rooted in Christ and okay with making people upset if that’s what it takes to be lovingly rebuked for their rudeness, you will be free to move forward with Christ regardless of how others treat you.
Galatians 1:10, “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
