“Why did God allow me to get cheated on?”
“I feel so betrayed. What am I supposed to do now?”
“I’m struggling to let this go. How can I ever trust again?”
If you have ever been cheated on in the past, here are 3 things God might be saying to you.
1. If Someone Cheated on You, God Could Be Saying, “This Wasn’t Your Fault”
Some of you may not think you are struggling to believe it was your fault. And maybe you truly are not struggling here. Maybe you have rightly placed the blame where it belongs – on the person who cheated.
However, in many cases, even in instances where you might not see it, the person who was cheated on can take on an unhealthy responsibility for the wrongs done to them. For example, you might say:
- “I’m so stupid. I should have seen it coming before it happened.”
- “I’m terrible at picking a partner. That’s what I get for being so gullible.”
- “I guess I’m not attractive enough.”
- “I pushed them away. If I were nicer, they wouldn’t have been unfaithful.”
None of us is perfect, but Scripture is clear that no one deserves to be sinned against (Romans 12:17). Even if you did something wrong against the person you were in a relationship with, you must never take on the blame for this person cheating on you. Cheating is a sin. Even if you two were not married, cheating is a form of lying. And lying is always sinful (Proverbs 12:22).
It’s important to fully accept that being cheated on was not your fault because:
- You can’t forgive this person properly if you don’t first place the blame on them. And if you don’t forgive, you can’t be free.
- If you blame yourself for picking badly, you will heap more shame on yourself, which will lead to you choosing even worse options for yourself in the future, because you will think that’s all you deserve.
- You will not experience the value and worth God has given you. We are all made in his image, and we all deserve to be respected and treated with dignity.
Therefore, the first thing you must do if you were cheated on is to make sure you are not blaming yourself for the sins of someone else (Galatians 6:5). This was not your fault.
2. If Someone Cheated on You, God Could Be Saying, “Don’t Let This Wrong Blind You to Your Own Sins”
The worst thing about being cheated on is not what you might expect. The betrayal may sting like nothing you’ve ever experienced. The loss of a loving companion may leave you lonelier than you ever felt before. And having your entire life turned upside down may cause ripple effects for years to come.
But the worst thing that can ever happen to you is to find a reason to no longer repent of your own sins. And to be abundantly clear, let me reiterate what I’ve said in point 1. I’m not saying there was a sin you did that caused this person to cheat on you. I’m not saying you should ever take responsibility for what they did to you.
Rather, I’m saying that so often, when you get cheated on, the devil will try to ruin your life by giving you an excuse to never look at your own faults because now you have a huge trump card you can pull out whenever you want. For example:
- “Sure, I spoke disrespectfully to my husband throughout our marriage. But he cheated!”
- “Yeah, I was harsh with my wife and got irritated with her rather quickly. But she cheated!”
- “Well, I used to twist my boyfriend’s words around and make it seem like I was always right. But he cheated!”
- “It’s true, I wasn’t living up to my potential and I was pulling my girlfriend down in life. But she cheated!”
And it’s true! Cheating is way worse than all of these offenses! But the person with the most power to ruin your life is always you. And that’s why the worst thing that happens to people after they get cheated on is that they can become prideful, “Yeah, I know I have my problems. But at least I’m not a cheater! Did you know I was cheated on! I was wronged so badly!”
Again, it’s true. Cheating is a terrible thing to do to anyone. But the sin that can ruin your life more than any other sin is the sin you are no longer repenting of. Other people’s sins can hurt us. But only our own sins can throw us into hell (Deuteronomy 24:16, Romans 14:12).
And even if it’s not a salvation issue, getting cheated on often causes people to overlook the ways in which they added to the dysfunctional relationship before the cheating took place. Again, I’m not saying your sins are to blame for pushing this person to cheat. But usually, cheating takes place when a relationship is unhealthy. And an unhealthy relationship usually becomes so because of both sides. Even if one side is worse, it’s very rare that there is nothing we are doing wrong.
The worst thing that can happen to you is that you stop growing. If you were disrespectful, harsh, unloving, or manipulative to your partner, don’t let their unfaithfulness rob you of the opportunity to repent and grow.
If you were cheated on, getting stuck in your own sin (1 John 5:16) because someone wronged you in a worse way is the most terrible thing that can happen to you.
3. If Someone Cheated on You, God Could Be Saying, “Forgive Them and Be Free”
Reconciliation and forgiveness are not the same. I’m not saying you must restore the relationship to be free. That would be reconciliation. Forgiveness, however, is when you release the person of the debt they owe you.
You can’t be free from someone who wronged you until you forgive them. When you hold onto the debt they owe you, you are holding onto the offense too. This keeps you connected. The only way to completely remove them from your life is to forgive them.
Always forgive (Matthew 18:21-35).
Here’s a related article called 3 Things God Always Does to a Cheater
