God Knows You Love that Woman

If you have strong feelings for a certain woman, why isn’t God allowing you to be with her?

Here are 4 possible reasons for why God has not given you the woman that you love.

1. God May Not Be Giving You This Woman that You Love Because You Don’t Have the Right Type of Love for Her

Love can be a confusing word to use as a Christian because there are different types of love. A great resource on this topic is C.S. Lewis’ book called The Four Loves. He basically argues that there are lower and higher forms of love that fall into the four categories of family love, friendship love, romantic love, and unconditional love.

I mention this concept of there being different forms of love because it’s possible you have a “type” of love for this woman but it may not be the type you think it is. Perhaps you think you have a deep, romantic love that is mixed with unconditional love, which is what you would want when it comes to choosing a partner in a biblical way (Romans 12:9).

However, perhaps you are actually leaning more into the romantic love and you have imagined you know this woman more than you do (1 Peter 5:8). In other words, perhaps you have created an idea of her that is rooted in infatuation. It feels like she’s the one for you but in reality, you don’t have solid evidence for that.

Therefore, you have two options if you feel like you love a woman God is not giving you. We will discuss these options in points 2 and 3.

2. God May Not Be Giving You This Woman that You Love Because He’s Waiting for You to Act Like a Man

Perhaps you think you’re waiting on God but perhaps he is waiting on you.

Whenever you want something from the Lord, it’s right to ask for it in faith (Matthew 7:7). However, after you ask for something, it’s also wise to then listen. What is God telling you to do to receive this gift you want? If you want a new job, you may need more training. If you want to lose weight, you will need to change your eating habits and physical activity. Likewise, if you want to be with a certain woman, you are going to have to pursue her and build a relationship with her.

Stop thinking about her so much and start interacting with her! As 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 instructs, “. . .  act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.”

3. God May Not Be Giving You This Woman that You Love Because He Knows You Will Love a Different Woman More Once You Meet Her

Like I said, there are basically two options if you want to be with a woman. You should ask and then do what the Lord says. However, sometimes God will tell you, “No, don’t pursue her.” Or he may lead you to pursue her so you will know she is not the one.

The point is, if things are not working with this woman, eventually you have to accept she’s not God’s choice for you. Why would God do that? Why would he let you fall in love with a woman if you can’t have her?

Well, first off, love is choice. So you made that choice. However, in love, God will often withhold something we want to give us something he knows we will want more in the future. Whenever God says no, it’s because he has something better for us.

Thus, it’s very likely God has a better choice for you. Perhaps you and this woman would grow tired of each other in a few years, maybe there is a big unseen personality conflict between you two, or perhaps God knows in the decades to come you two will change a lot and be very incompatible.

Trust the Lord, he knows the future and what is best for you (Romans 8:28).

4. God May Not Be Giving You That Woman You Love Because the Timing Is Not Right Yet

Don’t cling to this possibility forever. Don’t wait for years for a woman to like you who is showing zero signs of ever wanting to be with you. However, it’s also true that sometimes the timing is just not right for a man and woman to be together.

Perhaps God has more lessons for you both to learn. Perhaps he has missions for you both right now that would be better accomplished in singleness. Or perhaps you both need to be friends for longer so your hearts will have the right foundation for a deeper love in the future.

Either way, it’s definitely possible that God has not said no but rather “wait.”

Pray for wisdom and discernment (James 1:5). He will guide you (Proverbs 3:5-6)!

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