How to Be More Confident as a Christian Man Around the Woman You Like

Here are 6 ways for Christian men to be more confident and less nervous around the woman they like.

1. If You Want to Be Less Awkward Around a Woman, Spend More Time with Women in Group Settings to Get Practice

The first time I put on a pair of ice skates I was a wreck. The same thing happened when I was learning to ride a bike. When I started rock climbing in college, my legs were shaking.

What’s my point? I’m always awkward at things when I first start. Everyone is. I eventually became the captain of my high school hockey team. I eventually did some cycling races. And while I never became an elite rock climber, I did get comfortable enough to really enjoy this sport.

Like anything else in life, when it comes to talking to women, you will get better the more practice you get (1 Timothy 4:15). This is why groups of friends are so helpful. Hanging out with groups of friends, both men and women, is like relationship training wheels. Eventually you will get good enough to venture off on your own without being so awkward around the woman like.

2. Take a Social Friend with You If You Are Awkward Around Women

Sometimes people are very comfortable around their friends of the same sex but just get awkward around people they don’t know that well from the opposite sex. If you are like this, sometimes it can help by teaming up with a friend from your gender that you are comfortable with and then meeting new people from the opposite sex as a team.

Your friend’s confidence will rub off on you and if you feel like you are getting into a social jam or don’t know what to say, your friend can chime in and bail you out.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!”

3. If You Want to Be Less Awkward Around a Woman You Like, Don’t Plan Too Much

When humans are afraid, one coping mechanism we have is to plan out every detail around the thing we fear.

For example, when you are anxious about starting a new job, you may plan every detail of your first day. The night before you will lay out your clothes, pack your lunch, pack your bag, and set five different alarms to make sure nothing will go wrong.

Planning is good, but when it comes to relationships, there comes a point where you can plan too much. When you interact with someone but you are thinking about your plan on how you should interact the whole time, this will produce a very unnatural interaction with this person. If you don’t learn to live in the moment and you over analyze everything, you will actually cause more stress and awkwardness with the opposite sex. As C.S Lewis put it, “You will never make a good impression on other people until you stop thinking about what sort of impression you are making.”

Psalm 56:3 states, “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.” Planning is not bad. But planning will not take away fear. Trust in God and once the time comes to interact with the opposite sex, engage and don’t think about how you are engaging.

4. Humbly Acknowledge Your Flaws Rather Than Pridefully Pretending to Be Perfect

When you are committed to looking perfect you will feel nervous about messing up and saying something stupid.

One way to cut through this tension is by accepting that you are flawed and will eventually make mistakes. Eventually you will say something in the wrong tone, accidentally say something offensive, or have a bad day. Rather than hide this from people, when you are humble and honest about yourself this puts everyone at ease.

I remember when I was preaching at a men’s crisis center. The audience was full of guys just out of prison, men struggling with drug addiction, and people who have lived very hard lives. As I was preaching, my voice cracked in a high pitched tone, like I was in the middle school boy going through puberty. Rather than trying to recover by overcompensating with an extra expression of manliness, I just started laughing and mimicking myself in a joking way. A few of the guys joined in and poked a bit of fun. We all laughed for a moment and kept moving forward. In the end, this awkward moment actually helped my sermon because it broke the ice and it put everyone at ease as they saw I was okay being imperfect in front of them.

Prideful people cause others to feel judged and then everyone walls up because everyone is worried about looking imperfect in front of others. “Before destruction a man’s heart is haughty, but humility comes before honor” (Proverbs 18:2).

So by accepting you are not perfect and by being humble around this woman you like, you both will be more at ease around each other.

5. If You Want to Be Less Nervous Around a Woman, Address Your Idolization of Women

While it’s completely normal for men and women to get a little awkward around someone they like, there is a fear of the opposite sex that goes deeper than this. If you really fear the opposite sex and totally shut down around someone you are interested in, it could be a sign that you are struggling with idolization.

As Christians, the more secure we become in our identity in Christ the less we fear other humans. When we know God loves us, that we are his son, and that our identity is rooted in God rather than in what other people think about us, this will give us the security we need. Romans 2:29 (NLT) explains that when our hearts are changed we will focus more on making God pleased than being a people pleaser:

“No, a true Jew is one whose heart is right with God. And true circumcision is not merely obeying the letter of the law; rather, it is a change of heart produced by the Spirit. And a person with a changed heart seeks praise from God, not from people.”

6. If You Want to Stop Being Nervous Around Women, Focus More On Others and Less On Yourself

We get nervous and awkward partly because we are under the lie that the world revolves around us. When we think, “Everyone is looking at me,” this can be a paralyzing mindset. The truth is, we are not that important. Other people are probably thinking about their own insecurities. People rarely even notice our little mistakes.

When you go into the world with an “other” mentality (Philippians 2:1-5), you will create less anxiety in yourself and you will be a breath of fresh air to the people you come in contact with. Most people are thinking about what they will say next rather than listening to what others are saying. If you engage the woman right in front of you rather than thinking about yourself, this will help you live in the moment. It will help this woman feel connected to you.

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