How will your future husband identity himself to you?
If you can’t answer that question, it will be very hard to know who God wants you to marry one day.
Therefore, if you are a Christian single woman who doesn’t want to waste time on the wrong guys and wants to meet the right man as soon as possible, here are 3 things to look for.
1. Your Future Husband Will Identify Himself to You By Checking All the Biblical Boxes and Some of Your Personal Boxes
Rachelle never thought her love story would begin in a hospital waiting room. Her niece was fighting a deadly disease. The air in the hospital waiting room smelled like disinfectant and burnt coffee. Rachelle had just finished praying when a man across the room looked up from a tattered paperback and gave a gentle smile. He was not what she imagined her future husband to look like—plain shirt, scuffed boots, a quiet demeanor. No bold charm. No instant fireworks.
But as the days passed and their paths kept crossing in the hospital—this time in the elevator, later in the cafeteria—he remembered her niece’s name from when they talked earlier, he asked how she was doing, and he listened like he actually cared. Even while his mother was very ill, he took time to show concern for others struggling too. His name was Aaron.
As Rachelle and Aaron got to know each other more, she realized they were totally compatible from a biblical perspective. However, Aaron did not have all the qualities Rachelle wanted in a man. Although she was attracted to him, he was slightly shorter than her. Rachelle was a bit on the taller side as a woman, so she always wanted a man who was above 6 feet.
However, something unexpected happened. Rachelle realized she cared way more about a man being a good listener rather than being tall and talkative. She had always gravitated towards the very tall guys who were the talkative kind. But now she was appreciating how good it felt to be really heard by a man, even if he was an inch or two shorter than her.
While Rachelle’s story is unique to her, there are some common experiences she had that you may have too when you finally meet the man God wants you to marry one day.
When you meet the man God has for you, it will be a lot like real life and a lot different than a fairytale. He should meet all the biblical requirements for a spouse, which many people confuse with personal desires. The biblical requirements for a spouse are that this person must be a Christian (2 Corinthians 6:14), bearing fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23), prepared to fulfill the roles of a husband or wife (Ephesians 5:22-33), and want to marry you (1 Corinthians 7:36).
However, he doesn’t have to have the spiritual gift you thought he would have. He doesn’t have to have all the hobbies you wanted him to have. He doesn’t have to look a certain way. He should have some of things you want in a man. You should be attracted to him and like being around him. But no man will have everything you want.
Lastly, there will always be a surprise when you meet the man God has for you. It’s not possible to know everything about someone you’ve never met. So when you meet the man God has for you, you will discover things about this man that you really enjoy but didn’t know you craved in a husband.
In other words, God won’t just answer your prayers. He will exceed them in ways you can’t even imagine (Ephesians 3:20-21).
But how will you know if you are just fooling yourself? What are some visible signs you have actually met the man God has for you?
2. Your Future Husband Will Identify Himself Through Showing His Ability to Fulfill the Role of a Husband Before He Gets the Responsibility of “Husband”
Aaron wasn’t flashy about his faith. He didn’t preach from a pulpit or post deep theological thoughts on Instagram. But Rachelle noticed he was consistent. He led a Bible study for at-risk teens. He visited his elderly neighbor every week to help with groceries and yard work. He lived with integrity.
When Rachelle looked at Aaron’s life, she realized he was ready for a wife. He didn’t have to mature more. He didn’t have to become a different person for it to work. Aaron was already showing that he had the qualities to be a godly husband. All he needed was a woman. Rachelle realizes she could simply step into his life and be the wife she had prepared herself to be. His life was ready to receive her.
Being a husband is a big responsibility. And responsibility requires someone to have worked their way up to being able to handle it. It’s a lot like weight training. A man cannot bench press 250lbs if he has not first started with 150lbs, and then worked up to 175lbs, and then 200lbs, and so on. Don’t expect wedding bells to cause a man to go from the bar to the pew, from the couch to being an active father, or from loving video games to loving Bible study. He has to work his way up to the maturity needed to fulfill the role and responsibility of a husband.
While Ruth did invite Boaz to pursue her in Chapter 3, she saw how loving, kind, and responsible Boaz was to her in Chapter 2. Thus, he showed he could do the tasks of a husband before Ruth expressed her desire to give him the title (Ruth 3:9).
But how will you know if a man who is biblically ready to be a husband is actually called by God to be your husband? After all, you can meet a man who would be a great husband even though he will not be your husband.
3. Your Future Husband Will Identify Himself By Capitalizing on the Chances You Give Him to Pursue You
It was Rachelle who took the first bold step. “Would you want to grab coffee sometime—just the two of us?” He didn’t hesitate. “I’d like that. I’d really like that.”
That little moment was the beginning of something real. They started dancing. He was leading, but she was actively following his lead. Both participated. They weren’t perfect. Sometimes they stepped on each other’s toes, so to speak. But over the weeks and months of dating, they communicated clearly and always became closer after miscommunications were worked through.
About a year after they first met in the hospital waiting room, they found themselves sitting on a bench outside that same hospital. Rachelle’s niece was all better, but Aaron’s mother had continued to declined. So she was there to support Aaron as Aaron was there to support his mother. He then said to Rachelle, “You are the woman I want by my side for the rest of my life. Will you marry me?”
A small tear rolled down Rachelle’s cheek. “Yes, of course,” she answered.
Just like Boaz did to Ruth, Aaron had responded with honor to Rachelle’s invitation to pursue her. He wasn’t passive. He was ready and responsive.
When God is leading you to the man he wants you to marry, somehow you will have to let this man know you want to be pursued; but then that man will take the lead from there and pursue you (Ruth 3:10-13).
So, how will God empower your future husband to identify himself to you?
It will happen in real life, not in some rom-com fantasy. Real life is much better because it combines hardships with blessings, which enrich the blessings in a much greater way than good given without any trials.
If you would like more biblical insights to help you meet the man God wants you to marry, you may want to read my new book, Invite Him: 16 Rules from Ruth to Help Your Future Husband Find You.
