Here are 7 things Christian single guys wish women understood about them.
1. Christian Guys Wish Women Knew They Don’t Feel Released to Pursue Them
There are two reasons a lot of Christian guys struggle to pursue the woman that they like. First, a lot of guys have heard a lot of women complain about things like “toxic masculinity” and how men only care about sex. Ironically, the guys who need to listen to women about these things don’t care, while the guys who are not toxic often take these complaints to heart and give women too much space.
Thus, a lot of Christian guys these days feel like most women just want to be left alone. They fear getting accused of being a player or sexually harassing a woman. Therefore, as a woman who is surrounded by godless women complaining about men, you need to make sure the Christian single guys you come in contact with know that you are a traditional Christian woman looking for a traditional Christian man (Ephesians 4:15).
When a godly man knows you want to be pursued and you are looking for a husband who can lead you, then he will happily be that man. But if he likes you, he may still avoid you because he may think you’re a modern woman who hates traditional masculinity.
The second reason a lot of guys struggle to pursue a woman is that they are trying to figure out if God wants them to pursue her or not. If you’re a woman, you can help him in this area by giving him time (1 Corinthians 13:4). Don’t push him away because he’s not pursuing as quickly as you want. He may be trying to make sure this is God’s will (Proverbs 3:5-6). Also, you can help him know this is God’s will by being inviting. He’s looking for signs that God is giving him the green light, and your openness to this man is a green light to him.
2. Christian Guys Wish Women Knew They Must Avoid Them If They Are Sexually Tempted
A godly man fears he might be led astray by the lusts of his flesh. Thus, even if a man actually really likes your character, you will be sowing doubt into his mind if you are revealing too much skin because then he will wonder if he’s pursuing you for the right reasons.
I’m not saying a woman should be blamed for a man’s lust. But I am saying that godly men will seek to avoid women who dress in ways that create unnecessary temptations to them. God actually commands him to avoid women who are a sexual temptation to him. As 1 Corinthians 6:18 states, “Flee from sexual immorality.”
As a woman, this is not a man telling you how to dress. I would never do that. You’re free to wear whatever you want. You may say, “I’m just wearing this for me.” If that’s what you want to do, go for it. But the fact remains, if a Christian man thinks your clothing is too revealing, he is supposed to avoid you.
Thus, if you don’t want to be avoided by the good guys and you’re tired of being pursued by the bad guys, do your best to dress modestly (1 Peter 3:3-6).
3. Christian Guys Wish Women Knew They Fear a Controlling Woman
God designed men to lead. When a man senses that a woman will constantly challenge or override his leadership, he pulls away.
Christian men are not looking for women who silence themselves. To be the helper God designed her to be, a woman must voice her opinions. But that is different than trying to steer the man the way she thinks he should go.
Modern women want a man who provides and sacrifices, but they don’t want to submit to or respect him. A godly man wants to provide and sacrifice for a woman, but he also wants to be respected by her too (Ephesians 5:33).
Thus, as a woman, you have to learn how to disagree respectfully. You must learn to express your desires without demanding them. A good man wants to bless you. You won’t need to force him. And if you try to force him, you won’t succeed anyway because a godly man isn’t going to stay with a controlling woman. He will avoid you (Proverbs 21:19).
4. Christian Guys Wish Women Knew How Powerful Their Words of Encouragement Are
Many men are silently fighting battles you’ll never see. They feel pressure to lead, provide, protect, and live righteously—all while hiding their insecurities. A kind, affirming word from a woman he respects can completely change his day.
While women often connect through emotional expression, men are usually starved for verbal affirmation. They rarely hear phrases like, “I’m proud of you,” or “You handled that well.” Rather, most of his day is filled with critiques and problems he needs to solve. If you are a source of encouragement to him, he will love being around you.
As Proverbs 12:25 states, “Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.”
5. Christian Guys Wish Women Knew That the World Has Rewarded Them for Being Unemotional
From a young age, most men are taught to hide emotion. “Crying is for sissies. Suck it up. Be a man!” Society praises the stoic, unshakable man—but punishes emotional vulnerability. Over time, many men associate emotional expression with weakness.
Even in Christian circles, this can be reinforced when women criticize men for being “too distant” but then mock or lose respect when they open up. This creates a confusing double standard.
Jesus himself wept openly (John 11:35), showing that strength and sensitivity are not opposites. A godly man may want to share his fears, doubts, or pain—but he must feel safe to do so. If he senses judgment or ridicule, he’ll retreat further into silence.
Here’s a tip. When he does share something vulnerable, don’t offer solutions. Just listen and offer him comfort. You can ask him questions about what he thinks he should do, but don’t give him counsel until he specifically asks for it.
When a woman receives a man’s vulnerability with grace, she invites him into deeper trust.
6. Christian Guys Wish Women Knew They Aren’t Trying to Say the Wrong Things to Them
Some men are just jerks. Other men, however, are just not great at communication. They want to say the right things. They want to make a woman feel heard and protected. But they have not had the relationship experiences to learn how to do this.
Women, however, have been training each other since childhood. They have had many vulnerable conversations and know how to comfort someone who is hurting. Men, however, don’t do this with each other. And whenever they’ve tried in the past, it’s blown up their faces. Now they don’t say anything because whenever they do, it gets taken the wrong way.
Thus, as a woman, it will be hard to find a man who knows how to say the right thing at just the right moment. But it is possible to find a man who wants to learn how to do this. He may just need a woman’s patience to give him the experience he needs.
If you give a man grace and time to develop with you, eventually he can learn how to do what Proverbs 25:11 states, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.
7. Christian Guys Wish Women Knew They Feel Pressured to Be Perfect
Men these days have been told that women are looking for guys over six feet tall, who make over six figures, and who have six-pack abs. The vast majority of men know they can never live up to this standard. Additionally, Christian men are told that women want a spiritually mature man who knows how to lead a family.
While a godly man will seek to be spiritually mature, he also knows his own failures. He knows he will never be the perfect man he wishes he was for the woman he loves. Thus, while a godly man will seek to develop as much as he can, he will also know he needs a woman who’s ready to give him grace. For only grace can make two imperfect people strong enough to love each other for a lifetime (2 Corinthians 12:9).
Encouraging a man to be real rather than perfect is one of the greatest gifts you can give. You can help a man lead well by showing him that you will love him even when he’s imperfect.
If you’re a Christian single woman who wants to be pursued into marriage by a godly man, my newest book is for you! It’s called Invite Him: 16 Rules from Ruth to Help Your Future Husband Find You.
