Where to Go to Meet Your God-Appointed Spouse

One of the most common questions I get in the comments of my relationship videos goes something like this, “Thanks for the relationship advice, but where should I even look to meet the one? Where should I go to meet godly singles?”

Another variation to this question relates to dating apps. People want to know which app will has all the “real Christians” on it since so many seem to only have fake Christians looking to hookup.

So here are 3 helpful ways to answer these types of questions from Christian singles looking for a godly spouse.

1. “Where Should I Look to Meet The One?” Is the Wrong Question to Ask

Ironically, I believe this question of “where to look to meet the one” will actually do more harm than good. Why? Because it’s causing you to have a consumeristic mindset rather than a relational mindset.

If you’re shopping for a thing, you might want to research which store has the best deals. But relationships don’t work that way. You’re not looking for a thing. You’re looking for a person. Apply that mentality to yourself. Are you putting yourself in a storefront window, inviting people to pick you? No, you are seeking to glorify God as you live your unique life.

You have unique friends and family, you have unique hobbies and interests, and you have a unique schedule (Psalm 139:14). God calls each of us to serve him uniquely, which will lead us to different places (Jeremiah 1:5). You’re not showing up every week at a certain location just waiting to be picked by some random stranger.

So, I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but there is no magical place where all the best Christians singles are hanging out. There’s no one church that hosts Christians singles of higher character, there’s no one dating app that all the friendliest singles join, and there’s no one city that has the pick of the litter when it comes to marriageable men and women.

2. Stop Thinking in Terms of Location and Start Thinking in Terms of Assimilation

Rather than thinking of places, you need to think in terms of underlying beliefs that causes people to naturally connect with each other (Philippians 2:1-2).

No matter what church you go to, you will meet people you like there and people you don’t like there. No matter what dating app you go on, there will be fake Christians and there will be real Christians. No matter what city you enter, there will be people with conservative values and there will be people with liberal values.

In other words, rather than going to a location, you need to be living in a Christian community through assimilation. Assimilation refers to the process through which individuals and groups of differing heritages acquire the basic habits, attitudes, and mode of life of an embracing a similar culture.

As a Christians, we must “assimilate” into the ways of God as outlined in the Bible. I’m not talking about Jewish or Gentile culture. I’m talking about the character, habits, and words that true saints always share. Because we all have Christ in us, we have a common bond.

This truth will be the key to meeting the right person God has for you. It doesn’t matter that much on where you go, so long as the place isn’t overtly sinful. It matters who you are and who they are (Philippians 2:1-5). God will sovereignly work out the exact location you will meet “the one.” That is out of your control. He will lead you to the right places at the right time so long as you are following Jesus.

John 10:27, “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.” Where are all the true Jesus-followers? They are following Jesus. This is not a location. This is a way of life. As you live your life for Jesus in this crazy world, you will make meaningful connections along the way.

3. You’ll Meet The One “on” the Journey, Not “at” a Destination

Now, to be balanced, I’m not saying location doesn’t matter at all. You will certainly be more likely to meet Christian singles at church rather than at the bar. I would recommend using a dating app that at least markets to Christians as you will probably have a little better luck meeting other Christians there compared to a completely secular site that is known for being a hookup app.

But nonetheless, my main point is that to meet the one God has for you, it is far more important that you focus on your character, your social skills, and your ministry passions. Why? Because there’s no magical place hiding all the great singles. Life doesn’t work that way. You need to live life and be a godly person, and when the right person comes you will be prepared to act. Godly people are doing godly things. Live a godly life and you will meet godly people.

So rather than thinking of meeting someone “at” a certain place that is better than other places, you want to think about meeting someone “on” the journey of serving Christ. As you are running after Jesus, look to your left and right. Who is there with you? One day, you will look besides you and you may just see “the one.”

1 John 1:7, “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.” Fellowship with other Christians is not about going to a place, it’s about consistently walking in the light. This is what bonds us with others.

And if you’re a Christian woman who wants help knowing how to meet her future husband, my newest book is for you. It’s called Invite Him: 16 Rules from Ruth to Help Your Future Husband Find You.

Click here to learn more!