Psalm 143:5, “I remember the days of old; I meditate on all that you have done; I ponder the work of your hands.” Remembering the past can be extremely helpful as you live in the present. However, like all good things, we can misuse our memories too.
This is especially true when it comes to relationships. If you are remembering someone and missing them, what is God saying about this? Does he want you to have these feelings or does he want you to let these feelings go? And what should you do when you get the answer to that question?
Here are 3 possible reasons for why God is allowing you to miss someone.
1. You Made a Mistake By Letting Them Go and God Wants You to Correct It
The next two points will about missing someone that God does want you to let go. But we also need to address the possibility that the reason you are missing this person is because God is helping you realize you’ve made a mistake (Psalm 32:8).
Perhaps a friend confessed their romantic feelings for you, but you didn’t feel the same way. In kindness, you’ve distanced yourself from them now because you don’t want to lead them on or hurt them. However, through their absence in your life, you now realize that this is not a loss you are willing to accept. Perhaps you now realize you should give this person a chance romantically. Additionally, it’s very uncommon, but it is also possible that two people were dating, broke up, and then God will put them back together one day.
In the vast majority of cases, this is not why God is letting you miss this person. As we will talk about in the points ahead, usually there are other reasons for why you are missing them.
If, however, you want to know if God is telling you to give someone a second chance, you can read this article called 3 Signs God Is Telling You to Give Someone a Second Chance.
2. You Haven’t Thoroughly Grieved What You’ve Lost
I believe there are essentially two things to grieve in most situations, but people often only grieve one or the other. First, you must grieve the bad that happened to you. Second, you must grieve the good that you lost.
For example, if you were in a relationship with someone who was toxic, but you finally worked up the courage to leave them, you will probably know you need to grieve for a while to heal from the emotional abuse you went through.
However, you might be tempted to deny all the good times you had with that person too. After all, you were in a relationship with them for some reason; despite all the bad that eventually happened, something good was there at some point.
Sometimes we subconsciously deny the good we lost with this person because we don’t want to be tempted back into a relationship with them. We try to forget all the good times and only remember the bad times in hopes that this will help us move on faster and never want this person again.
Ironically, though, this can cause the reverse to happen. If you never grieve the good, you can’t really let it go. It’s easy to want to be free from the bad, but sometimes people go back to the bad because they are unwilling to let go of the good that comes along with the bad. To truly let go of someone and never go back, you have to accept that you are willing to let go of all those good times too. If you never go through that process of fully accepting that you are also letting the good go along with the bad, you won’t truly be letting them go.
2 Corinthians 1:4 states that God “comforts us in all our affliction.” Not some. All. To let someone go and stop missing them, you have to allow yourself to grieve the bad times and the good times too, because you’ve lost both. If you don’t grieve the good because it’s been overshadowed by the bad, you might keep missing them for longer than you need to.
3. You Thought Your Glimpse of Their Goodness Was a Sign They Were for You
You will always miss someone if you can’t accept these two facts at the same time. One: that person is going to make a great spouse one day. And two: that person is not your future spouse.
A mature love can allow you to be happy for someone even if that means they are not going to be with you. It’s a powerful tool for Christian singles to be able to say, “That person will be make a great spouse one day, just not for me.”
God has a good plan for you. Be patient. In time, if he’s called you to marriage, he will reveal the right person he has for you. In the meantime, pray Psalm 143:10, “Teach me to do your will, for you are my God! Let your good Spirit lead me on level ground!”