Here are 3 signs that could mean God is telling you that you need to heal more before getting into a new Christian dating relationship.
1. If Your Extreme Fear of Getting Hurt Is Causing You to Keep People Away, This Is a Sign God Is Telling You to Heal More Before Trying to Get Into a Relationship
The human heart is complex. This means that you can often feel multiple things at the same time. For example, you could really want to be in a relationship and get married one day while also having a deep fear of getting hurt that keeps you away from really opening up to anyone.
The reality is, we will never be “completely ready” or “completely not ready” to date. Humans are far more complex than that. There will always be parts of us that are more mature and healed than other parts of us. So we have to navigate the complexity of our feelings and inner desires by accurately assessing where we are at in our healing journeys.
Therefore, if you have a desire to date but you also know you have an extreme fear of getting hurt, the wise thing to do is focus on your healing first before you start trying to date again. You don’t want to get into a relationship too early before you are ready and thus cause more damage. You will never be perfect, but sometimes it is best to heal and lessen your fears first so you can then date with less emotional worries and wounds.
2. If Your Past Wounds Are Making You Assume the Worst About Everyone You Meet, This Is a Sign God Is Telling You to Heal More Before Dating Anyone
When your past experiences are shaping your current experiences, this usually means you have an unhealed wound in your heart.
Now certainly we should learn from the past, so I am not saying you should forget everything that has happened to you. God teaches us lessons through past relationships that can help us function in healthier ways in future relationships. But we have to be careful we are not projecting old wounds onto new relationships.
If you constantly feel like everyone you date is going to cheat on you even though there is no evidence for this, you are probably feeling like that because of something that happened in the past. If you always feel like people are trying to take advantage of you even when they are not doing this, again, this could be a sign of an unhealed wound in your past.
Don’t ignore the trends in your life. Often times the reason we end up feeling like every relationship turns out the same way is because we are living from something that has happened to us previously. Seek God’s healing before trying to get into a new relationship so your past wounds do not make you see every situation through a skewed lens of reality.
3. If You Know You Need to Still Grieve Something That Happened in the Past, This Is a Sign You Need to Wait Longer Before You Begin to Actively Date Again
One of the first steps to true healing is grieving. If you never take the time to grieve what you lost or to grieve something that really hurt you, it can be very hard to move on. Many times we try to act like something did not hurt us because we want to move on as quickly as possible. Ironically, though, when we refuse to admit to ourselves the level or hurt we experienced, we are actually stunting our own growth and preventing ourselves from really moving on.
So if you know you are not adequately taken the time to grieve something that was painful in your past, this is a sign God might be leading you to take time to heal before actively trying to date someone. Have you grieved your parents’ divorce and the loss of growing up in a healthy family environment? Have you grieved the betrayal that has occurred to you in a former relationship that you really cared about? Have you taken the time to grieve any abuse that happened to you in the past?
Without going through an adequate season of grieving it makes moving on that much harder. You don’t want to grieve forever. It’s just one important step you need to take in the healing process. No matter what you’ve gone through, always remember that our God can truly heal you, for Psalm 103:2-5 explains:
“Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.”