Philippians 4:6-7
If you are a Christian single girl or guy, what should you do when you like someone? What are some good Christian dating tips when you just start having feelings for someone but nothing more has happened? Should you immediately tell this person that you like him or her? Should you just wait and pray for God to reveal his plan while you do nothing?
In this article we will discuss three basic steps Christians can take when they like someone.
1.If You Like Someone, Consult the Word of God and Pray About It
I believe the first step you should take when you like someone is to consult the word of God. The reason I believe this should be your first step is because you don’t need to ask God about things he has already clearly said in his word.
If this person you want to date is an unbeliever, for example, you don’t have to ask God if you should date him or her. If this person claims to be a Christian but their actions do not align with their behavior, you know this is not the type of person God wants you with (James 2:17). If there is no Biblical reason not to date this person, then you should feel free to explore your options.
While referring to what God has already said in his word is crucial, Christians should also seek the personal leading of God as well, specifically as they seek to apply biblical truth to their lives. When you like someone you should pray about what you have studied in the word of God.
The Bible should help guide your prayers. If the relationship is biblical, you could pray that God would give you insight into what he wants you to do next. If the relationship is unbiblical, you can ask God to help you guard your heart when you like someone and to resist temptation. If you are unsure if it is biblical or unbiblical, you can pray that God would reveal more information about this person so you can get to know what you would need to know before moving forward.
If you want to know how God will speak to you about relationships and how he will reveal “the one,” you may want to check out my book, The One: How to Know and Trust God’s Sovereign Plan for Your Future Marriage.
2. Create a Tentative Plan Based on What You Learned from Studying the Bible and Prayer. Follow Through on It. And Then Adjust Your Plan as Needed
If a Christian likes someone, there is not a one-size fits all step-by-step plan. That’s why the first step must be to consult God and really diagnose the situation so you can come up with a good action plan moving forward.
The mistake many Christians make, however, is that they seek God and get a sense of what he might be leading them to do, but then they don’t do anything. They may say, “Well, I felt like God said to go for it, but a month passed by and now she is dating someone else. What does that mean?” Perhaps you waited too long to pursue her.
Or maybe a Christian girl feels like God is saying, “Don’t date that guy. His character is not developed enough yet.” But then girl person keeps building a relationship and her feelings keep growing and a few months later she wants to date this guy even more than she did before. Perhaps she did not setup enough boundaries to guard her heart.
The point is that you need to do something that helps you accomplish what you feel God was saying. If you feel like God said it was okay to move forward, then commit to becoming better friends, or asking her out, or inviting him to your family cookout. If you feel God said, no, commit to not spending one-on-one time to make sure you are guarding your heard. If you do not get a sense of what God is saying, figure out a plan to gather more information about this relationship.
Notice, however, that this plan should be tentative and adjustable. We must be open to accepting that we can hear God wrong sometimes. Or, we must be open to God changing the plan when he reveals new information to us.
So let’s say you execute the plan and you ask the girl our or invite the guy to spend time with you, but it doesn’t go well. Take this new information and adjust your plan in the way you feel God is leading you to. Don’t legalistically stick to the first plan. Realize that God speaks through our circumstances too and when things happen we must adjust our plans accordingly.
For example, if the guy seemed like a godly man but then you learn more information and realize he is not living for Christ, God is speaking through this and you should adjust your plan now. Or maybe you thought you would need to build a year friendship with a girl before you could ask her out but you two are connecting so much you should actually move a lot faster.
Make a plan, follow through on the plan, and then adjust the plan once you get new information by doing something. That’s the beauty of acting rather than just waiting. When you do something you get answers one way or the other rather than just wondering all the time. Sometimes we should just wait, but far too often our waiting is based in fear rather than faith.
3. If You Like Someone and You Feel Released By God to Explore the Relationship, Do Something to Actually Interact with Him or Her
In summary, my main piece of advice is you just want to get a sense if God is releasing you to try or not. If you like someone, God is not going to reveal the next 50 years of your life with this person. All you really need to figure out is if God is saying, “Yeah, move forward,” or “No, don’t move forward.”
When you just start liking someone and things are very fresh, God is not going to say, “Yeah, this person is the one” or “No, this person is not the one.” But God will lead you to at least explore further or not explore further.
If you don’t sense God saying “No” and there is not clear biblical reason that would forbid being with this person, my advice is to just do something to interact with this person that you like. You don’t need to have a huge plan. You don’t need to say just the right the thing. All you really need to do is interact with this person somehow.
No interaction means no movement. Interacting is at least gives you the opportunity to learn more about this person. By interacting you will connect more or you won’t, but either you are gaining valuable information about this relationship situation.
As they say in sports, “You always miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” In sports, this means you have to at least shoot the ball if you want to score a point. You are not guaranteed to score if you shoot, but you are guaranteed not to score if you don’t shoot.
By interacting with this person that you like you are at least taking a shot. If you never interact with this person that you like you are guaranteeing nothing will happen.