I’m not using this word “unorthodox” in the religious sense. I’m simply referring to three things that often seem counterintuitive that God actually does often use to lead people to the person he wants them to marry one day.
And I also wanted to briefly mention that the deadline to enroll in AGW University is quickly approaching. You are not going to find a magical formula in these courses that makes your future spouse appear. Rather, these courses provide you with rich, biblical information specifically applied to the topic of relationships. If you are a Christian single person who has past wounds you know you need to work through, if you want biblical steps to take to help you meet other singles, and if you want one-on-one private email coaching with me, along with a $50 scholarship, feel free to click here to learn more before the November 21st deadline.
1. God May Lead You to the One Only After You Give Up Trying to Meet The One
I’ve heard many personal testimonies from Christians who really wanted to be married but for some reason it was just taking a lot longer than they expected or wanted. But then this person would basically “give up” looking and then they would totally focus on God. Ironically, after they stopped looking, this is when God then introduced them to the person God would eventually lead them to marry.
Now please stay with me for a moment because I’m not saying what many of you may be thinking I’m saying. Many people believe that the best way to meet the one is by not looking for the one. I’m actually not saying that at all! There are many, many people who want to be married and who also believe they should not actively look for a spouse and these people are still single for much longer than they want to be. So I’m not saying that if you just stop looking God will magically bless you with a spouse.
Not looking as a means of finding is illogical. In other words, if you want to meet the one, God will require you to actively interact with someone from the opposite sex at some point. Yes, you may need to wait now, but if you want a relationship there always needs to be interactions and effort by two people. It’s not a relationship for one person to magically arrive on your doorstep to pursue you while you do nothing. That isn’t going to happen.
So why do so many people testify to giving up the hope of marriage and only then meeting the one God has for them? It is not because God needs you to play reverse psychology with him, “Maybe God isn’t giving me a spouse because I want one. So maybe if I tell God I don’t want a spouse he will give me one.” No, that’s not accurate. I believe many people meet their spouse when they stop looking because their expectations about how they would meet their spouse were limiting them.
In other words, when they stopped actively looking in the way they imagined they would meet the one, they started doing other things with their life. And through doing these other things, God allowed this person to meet their future spouse. But if that person would have remained consumed with only looking and then didn’t start doing other things, they would not have met their spouse.
For example, I met my wife on a mission’s trip. Finding a wife was the last reason I went on that mission’s trip. If I was just looking for a spouse, I wouldn’t have gone on that trip. But through doing something active with other Christian singles, all the normal ingredients for a relationship were present even though I didn’t go for that reason.
Moses fled to Midian because he could no longer stay in Egypt. Through this dramatic change in his life and living location, God brought Zipporah into his life (Exodus 2:21). When Jacob fled from his brother Esau, this dramatic change in his life and location brought him to Rachel (Genesis 29:9)
Perhaps when you let go of all your expectations on how you will meet the one, you will be free to live your life differently. And through living your life differently, you will meet new people. And perhaps one of those new people will be the one.
2. God May Lead You to The One By Leading You to Intensely Look for The One Like You Never Thought You Would
The normal path to marriage for most Christians is that they are open to a relationship and through living in a Christian community they meet someone they eventually marry one day. In point 1, I talked about one unorthodox deviation from this norm. But now we need to talk about the other very real possibility that lies on the other end of the spectrum. God may call you to actively pursue marriage in a much bolder way than you ever thought you would.
Most Christians would much rather become friends with someone first, get to know each other, and gradually move into a relationship. This makes a lot of sense and is a great option. But it’s not the only option. As long as your motives are pure, it’s not wrong to be more intentional in your search for a spouse. Abraham intentionally sent his servant to find Isaac a wife, who ended up being Rebekah (Genesis 24).
Proverbs 16:2-3 (NIV) states, “All a person’s ways seem pure to them, but motives are weighed by the Lord. Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.” Motives are more important than methods. God’s blessing is more important than traditional or online dating. The most important thing is that we are not limiting God by refusing to do something he is calling us to do.
Online dating, for example, has become a very popular way for God to bring two people together. Now I know many people get triggered anytime I mention online dating because many of you have had bad experiences with it. My argument to that is online dating was not the real issue. The people using online dating in deceitful ways were the issue.
People are sinful. Online dating is just a morally neutral tool. Online dating can be hard because it exposes you to more people than you could possibly every interact with in normal life. But if you could somehow meet random people to this level of volume in normal life, you would have just as many bad relationship experiences because the people are the same people that are using online dating.
So online dating is not better than normal dating. It just gives people options who lack options. Don’t be surprised when the dating pool isn’t what you thought it was going to be. But at least now you have real experience instead of imagining a false reality because you’ve never had real dating experiences.
All that to say, being more proactive about dating is oftentimes the very thing God is telling many of you to do. God isn’t going to tell everyone to use online dating, but it has been successful for a lot people and it will be successful for many more people. I don’t know if you are one of those people, but I know you won’t be one of those people if you refuse to try it when God is leading you to try it.
Online dating is one of those subjects that opens up a whole can of worms, so I know there’s a lot more that could be said. That’s one of the reasons I created my course called The Effective Online Christian Dating Plan. This is not a part of the core curriculum at AGW University. But since so many of my students were asking me about online dating, I give this course to all students as a free bonus.
3. God Often Leads You to The One Only After You Let Go of the False Hope About Someone You Thought Was The One
It’s very normal at some point in your journey to think you’ve met the one but to then find out you were wrong. Sadly, many people can’t accept they were wrong and thus they get stuck.
It’s normal if you misheard God or you made a mistake in thinking someone was the one who is really not. But you are blocking God’s blessings if you are not willing to accept that you were wrong. I have a bunch of other resources on this website to help you know if someone is the one or not. But in the end, it comes down to actually being in a relationship with this person and getting married.
If enough time has passed to make it clear you two are not going to be together, the sooner you accept this, the sooner God will often reveal your true future husband or wife. As Proverbs 19:21 states, “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.”
If you feel like you would benefit from intense biblical training meant to help you meet the one God may have for you, feel free to click here to learn more and to receive the $50 scholarship. The deadline to enroll is November 21st at 11:59pm (EST).