3 Ways a Man Needs Your Help If You Want Him to Pursue You

A man is sitting by himself at church. He sees you walk into the sanctuary. For a brief moment, you lock eyes. You think to yourself, “Did he just get nervous when we looked at each other?” You then begin to feel your heart beat a little faster, wondering if the man will come and talk to you. You want him to approach you. You casually look back in his direction again. He’s looking ahead, acting like he doesn’t notice you. As the church service ends, you get up, hoping he talks to you as you walk by him once more. But as you head for the doors, he’s no longer there. You think about him as you drive home, wondering if you’ll ever see him again.

Have you ever experienced something like that? If you’re a woman, you know what’s going through your mind when you want a man to pursue you. But what is going through his mind? Why do some men pursue sometimes while other men just don’t?

In this article, I’m going to share with you 3 things you need to do if you want a particular man to pursue you.

The heart behind these three points is Philippians 2:4, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Sometimes the best way to receive the relationship we want is to start thinking more about what the other person needs from us rather than spending the majority of our time thinking about what we need from that other person.

1. If You Want a Man to Pursue You, You Must Help Him Realize He Is Not Bothering You

Let’s review the experience we talked about in the intro, but this time, let’s see it through the man’s eyes.

He’s new to this church, so he gets there a bit early, hoping to meet some friendly faces. He sits in the back, though, because he’s also a little nervous being somewhere new. Suddenly, he sees you walk into the sanctuary. He instantly thinks you’re attractive. So when your eyes meet, he’s a little flustered. He says to himself, “You idiot. You looked her right in the eye. She probably thinks you were hitting on her.” In his peripheral vision, he sees you looking in his direction again, but he assumes you are looking for someone else, so he’s careful not to look your way. As the sermon ends, the thought crosses his mind, “Maybe I should go up and talk to that woman. She was sitting alone. Maybe’s she’s single.” But then another thought rushes in, “She’ll probably think you’re a creep if you just walk up to her. Don’t bother her.”

What blocks a man from approaching a woman that he wants to approach? I would say one of the main reasons a man doesn’t approach a woman is because he is assuming she doesn’t want to be bothered by a man approaching her.

Ironically, many of the worldly players approach women because they are thinking about themselves and what they want. Many good guys, however, are thinking about this from the woman’s perspective. They hear women complain about being approached by pigs, and so they don’t want to add to that problem.

A good man will approach a woman, but he also wants to make sure he’s not bothering her. In fact, this is why so many guys approach a woman by saying something like, “I’m sorry to bother you, but . . .” and then they say what they came to say.

Men these days are assuming that they are bothering women when they approach them. So what can you do about this if you want to be approached by a certain guy?

Sometimes there’s nothing you can do. A man certainly does need to work up the courage and approach a woman. But if he does do that, you must at least make sure he senses that he is not bothering you. And if he says those famous words, “I’m sorry to bother you,” you can even say the words he longs to hear from a woman, “It’s okay, you’re not bothering me.”

If you’re able to communicate that feeling to a man somehow, that’s he not bothering you, either by your actions or words, he will gladly pursue you if he likes you.

2. If You Want a Man to Pursue You, Welcome Him If He’s On You’re Turf

What’s another reasons some men don’t approach women? Sometimes they don’t approach because they’re unsure if it would be perceived as inappropriate for the environment they are in. Not only are they trying to not bother the women, but they are also trying to not disrupt the other people around or do something socially unacceptable.

Certainly that is a fear men need to overcome. But there are also things a woman can do to help him in this area.

Let’s go back to our little story. Remember, this man was new to this church. You, however, have been going to your church for years. Therefore, this is a good reason for you to be a little more proactive to give him the green light to approach you in the future.

For example, since you know he was new because you know everyone at your church, after you made eye contact with him and you went to sit down, after thinking about it for a moment, you could have gotten back and said to him, “Hi, I’m Rachel. Are you new? I haven’t see you here before.” After he confirms he is new, you could then say, “Well, I always try to say hi to new faces. I know what it feels like to go a new church. If you ever have any questions, feel free to come up and ask me. Okay, service is starting. Bye.”

You have now given this man the green light that he’s not bothering you if he comes up to you at a later point. And you are not pursuing him because he’s on your turf. You’re just being a good host to a new person at your church. If you were the new person at his church, he might feel less apprehension and approach you first.

3. If You Want a Man to Approach You Again, Make Sure You Approach Him After He Has Approached You

After a man approaches a woman, he then asks himself, “How did that go? Does she think I’m a creep? Did I say anything stupid? I wonder how she feels about that encounter?”

In all likelihood, he will be very self-critical unless you have given him a reason to assume it did go well. One of the best things you can do after a man approaches you or texts you or does something proactive to interact with you is to then do the same thing back to him. If he approached you at church, approach him next time. If he initiated a text conversation with you, text him first a few days later. If he invites you to an event, invite him to an event.

A man will not keep pursuing you if you do not let him know that you are enjoying his pursuit.

If you want more information on how to be inviting towards a man so he pursues you, you may want to read my newest book, Invite Him: 16 Rules from Ruth to Help Your Future Husband Find You. Click here to learn more!