When you get into a relationship, things often go wrong because we think that our partner is just like us. But in fact, many times we are offended by different things than one another. And when it comes to men and women, there are some common differences we should all be aware of if we hope to have a healthy relationship with someone.
Therefore, here are 4 common differences in how men and women are hurt by each other.
(And as a quick sidenote, many of the points in this article are about emphasis. Men and women crave a lot of the same things and are hurt by a lot of the same things. But the degree of satisfaction or harm will be different between them when certain actions are done by the other person.)
1. A Man Will Be Hurt When He Feels Like a Woman Doubts His Strength. A Woman Will Be Hurt When She Feels Like a Man Doubts Her Beauty
God designed men to be strong and God designed women to be beautiful. To deny this is deny observable reality.
Scripture points to this truth as well. 1 Corinthians 16:13 states, “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.” Proverbs 11:12, “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman without discretion.” A man’s strength and a woman’s beauty can be misused, but without sin involved, God made men strong and women beautiful, both in physical and non-physical ways.
Again, this is a matter of emphasis. Women are strong (Proverbs 31:17) and men are beautiful (Song of Songs 1:16), but women crave beauty and men crave strength in deeper ways than each other.
Thus, if a man feels like a woman doesn’t think he is strong or if a woman doesn’t feel a man think she’s beautiful, they will be very hurt by this. You have to be careful your words and actions never send this message to your partner.
2. A Man Will Be Hurt When a Woman Uses Too Many Words to Control Him. A Woman Will Be Hurt When a Man Is Using Too Few Words to Control Her
In the tongue there is power to produce both life and death in a relationship (Proverbs 18:21).
Typically, however, when things start going wrong in a relationship, the woman’s words increase and the man’s words decrease. Her hurt is expressed verbally and his hurt is often expressed through distance. This only further hurts the other person.
Of the woman who is hurting the man, Proverbs 27:15-16 states, “A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike; to restrain her is to restrain the wind or to grasp oil in one’s right hand.” Through her many words, she does harm to the man (Proverbs 10:19). When things are going well, however, she does him good and not harm (Proverbs 31:11).
When David was hurt by Michal, it seems he kept his distance from her from then on (2 Samuel 6:16-23). I’m not saying that was right. I’m just saying this is how men act when they get hurt. When things are going right in the home, notice how the man speaks to the woman, “Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all’” (Proverbs 31:28-29).
So if you want to have a healthy relationship, a woman must be careful not to become a complainer and a man must be careful not to become withdrawn.
3. A Man Will Be Hurt By a Woman When She Seeks to Manipulate Him and Woman Will Be Hurt By a Man When He Seeks to Dominate Her
In sin, we tend to use our gifts for evil purposes.
God blessed men with strength, thus in sin they can tend to use this strength to dominate women through sheer force and anger. This is why Paul told husbands, “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them” (Colossians 3:19).
God blessed women with beauty, thus in sin they can tend to use this beauty to manipulate men through cunning and trickery. This is why Proverbs 6:25 (NIV) states, “Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes.”
To have a healthy relationship, a man and woman must be tender and genuine towards each other (Romans 12:9).
4. A Man Is Hurt By a Woman When She Refuses to Respect Him. A Woman Is Hurt By a Man When He Refuses to Care for Her
In Ephesians 5:22-33, Paul famously states that a wife must submit to her husband and respect him and a husband must sacrifice himself for his wife and care for her. This is what both the genders crave from each other in marriage.
A man loves to provide and protect for his wife. And he is not looking for her to do the same for him. Rather, he wants to be respected for his sacrifice. A woman loves to follow her godly husband. And she is not looking for him to do the same for her. Rather, she wants to be cared for and loved.
When either person does not fulfill their biblical role towards the other, this really hurts their spouse.
Related article: How a Christian Man Shows Interest Vs. How a Christian Woman Shows Interest