There’s a difference between a man and woman choosing to date each other compared to a man and woman being led by God to date each other. Just because a man and woman end up dating is not a sign that God wanted them to date.
So how will a Christian man and a Christian woman know when the Lord is preparing them to date each other one day? Here are four marks that often appear.
1. God Prepares a Man and Woman to Date Each Other By First Sanctifying Their Motives for Dating
Dating is not a method of pursuing marriage that is represented in the Bible. However, “pursuing marriage” is something we see in Scripture. In biblical times, marriages were arranged. And yet, in Scripture, there is no command that to pursue marriage an arranged marriage must take place. Therefore, we can say that God is not overly concerned with the specific method of pursuing marriage; rather, he is more concerned that those he calls to marriage do pursue it.
Thus, to pursue marriage in a biblical way, we don’t need to practice the cultural methods as described in the Bible that were used in those time periods to pursue marriage. We are free to use our own cultural methods so long as we are not violating any clear commands in Scripture and so long as we are seeking to apply the commands in Scripture to our modern methods of pursuing marriage.
So, the first step for Christians using our modern dating method to pursue marriage is to make sure the goal of dating is connected to the biblical goal of pursuing marriage. In other words, dating just to date is not biblically wise. If you just want a boyfriend or girlfriend but you are not currently looking for a spouse, you should not be dating.
Therefore, when God is preparing a man and woman to date, he will first give them a motive of pursuing marriage, not just a romantic fling. As Proverbs 16:2-3 explains, “All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the spirit. Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.”
2. God Prepares a Man and Woman to Date Each Other By Giving Them Real Information About Each Other
Just because a man or woman has a really strong desire to date someone does not mean God is the one giving them those desires. One common sign that God is not the one behind these desires is when there is a lack of real information to support what you think you know about someone.
When you have very strong feelings for someone but you also have very little real information about this person, usually this is a sign of infatuation. For example:
- When a woman sees a man going to church and holding a Bible, she may then go home and imagine that he is a mature believer ready to lead a family. But in reality, she doesn’t have any valid data to support that belief. When God is truly leading her to want to date that man, he will give her experiences with that man to know for sure that this man is a mature believer ready to lead a family.
- When a man sees a woman on a Christian Facebook dating page and then sees that she is in his area, he may then go to her profile to learn more about her. If he sees a lot of Christian posts and wholesome pictures posted by her, he may then conclude that this woman has the character he’s looking for in a wife. But in reality, he doesn’t actually have the data to support that belief. When God is truly leading him to date that woman, God will lead that man to pursue her and then he will give that man experiences with that woman to validate his hope that she truly is godly.
God works through a sober mind rooted in reality and biblical wisdom. The devil works through an intoxicated mind rooted in emotions and fantasy. As 1 Peter 5:8 explains, “Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”
3. God Prepares a Man and Woman to Date Each Other By Giving Them a Strong Enough Desire to Push Past the Fears that Are Blocking Them from Dating
Again, not every desire we have comes from the Lord. Just because you have a strong enough desire to push through the fears to actually date someone is not an automatic sign that God is the one giving you these desires.
However, we can say that if God is actually leading a man and woman to date each other, he will give them a strong enough desire for each other to push through the barriers that are trying to block them from being together. If a man is just too fearful to pursue a woman, that woman should conclude that this is not the man God has for her. And if a woman is just too afraid of accepting a man’s pursuit. That man should conclude she is not the one God has for him.
When God is truly putting a man and woman together, they will push past any obstacle trying to prevent them from being together. As Philippians 2:13 (NLT) explains, “For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.”
4. God Prepares a Man and Woman to Date Each Other By Giving Them the Time Together that Leads to Dating
God has designed the male and female hearts to want to be with each other. When a man and woman spend time together, it is one of the most natural things in the world for them to grow closer and to want to make a greater commitment to each other. Put simply, if you really want to build a connection with someone that leads to dating and hopefully marriage one day, you simply must spend a lot of time with that person.
As you read through the Song of Solomon, one of the basic building blocks from this couple’s romantic desires for each other was that they were in each other’s presence. Therefore, when God is really preparing you to date someone, he will also give you the open doors to spend the necessary time together that naturally leads to dating.
