Perhaps this person broke up with you and you were really hurt, but for some reason you still wish they would come back to you. Or maybe you were the person who ended the relationship, but months later, you are still thinking about him or her.
Why won’t your heart release your ex?
Here are 4 possible reasons for why God is not removing your feelings for your ex.
1. God Is Not Removing Your Feelings for You Ex Because You Are Holding Onto the Hurt that Happened By “How” This Person Left and Moved On
When we hold onto the hurts, we are also not allowing God to remove someone from our lives.
Not only can this happen when we hold onto the wrongs that this person did during the relationship, but sometimes we also hold onto hurts that happened during the breakup or even after the breakup. For example:
- Perhaps you knew the relationship needed to end too, but maybe your ex just sent you a text after years of dating. The way they ended it has made it hard for you to find closure.
- Perhaps you two got into a silly argument that would usually lead to a big fight but then you both would always reconcile. But this time, this person got really mad and won’t forgive you. Maybe you are beating yourself up for how you contributed to the problems.
- Perhaps you mutually agreed to end the relationship and you were okay with that, but then this person started dating someone new right away. Now you are hurt because they moved on so quick.
Wherever the hurt may be coming from, the key is to forgive and totally give it to God. As 1 Peter 5:5-7 instructs:
Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’ Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.”
2. You Could Still Have Feelings for Your Ex Because You Are a Loyal Person and Therefore It’s Always Hard for You to Let People Go
God is in control of everything, but he also has bestowed on humans the ability to make choices. Sometimes the reason we can’t let go of someone is because it’s a part of our personality to stay very loyal to people.
While this trait of being loyal is very good and will serve you well once you’re in a healthy, long-term relationship, it can also work against you when you are not in a relationship. At times, you have to consciously choose to let someone go even when you feel like you should be loyal. If you don’t make this intentional choice to let them go, you may subconsciously just do what you naturally do, which is remain loyal.
Dating is hard for the heart because you are getting sips of serious relationship qualities, but the full commitment is not there. It can confuse your heart to be close to someone but then to have to let them go; that is unnatural. This is where you have to balance your heart with your mind. You have to remember the logical facts that you are not committed to this person and it’s right to let them go in your heart if you two are no longer together.
1 Peter 1:13, “Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” When your mind is prepared for action, sober, and set on Christ, the Lord will lead your heart to where it should go.
3. God Is Not Removing Your Feelings for Your Ex Because You Too Need to Work Out Some Issues Rather than Completely Part Ways
In most cases, a couple that breaks up should remain broken up. However, there are certainly times where God may lead this man and woman to get back together, which could be one reason for why he is not removing your feelings for your ex.
However, if this was happening, there would be issues you two could work on and would want to work on. If the issues remain that broke you up, there’s no point to try again.
This is another point where you want to lead with your mind and not just your heart. If you miss this person for other reasons, it would be easy to trick yourself into thinking God will bring you two back together. So use your mind and really assess the specific issues that led to the break up. If you two are not able or willing solve those issues, stay separate.
Romans 12:2, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
4. God Is Not Removing Your Feelings for Your Ex Because the Hurt Is Preventing You from Trying Again
In many cases, the human heart stays attached to the last romantic experience you had. Because you have a strong desire to be married, that general desire is always looking for a specific person to attach to. So if you have not had any new experiences, you may keep thinking about your ex simply because there is no one else to think about.
One reason this type of issue can linger a long time is when you got really hurt by your ex and now you are afraid to date again. Ironically, however, this fear and inactivity is actually keeping you in your past pain.
By trying again and getting new experiences, you are allowing your heart to let go and replace the old with the new.
These 4 points are just a few possibilities for why God is not removing your feelings for your ex. There are countless possibilities. The key is for each of us to walk closely with the Spirit, applying God’s word to our specific situations. As Psalm 119:15 says, “I will meditate on your precepts and fix my eyes on your ways.”
