When I use the phrase “God wants you to reject someone” in this article, I’m not saying God wants any of you to be mean or disrespectful to anyone. I’m simply talking about shutting down a relationship opportunity.
So here are 4 common signs that mean God is telling you to reject someone.
1. If You Have Already Tried to Make a Relationship Work with This Person Multiple Times But You Keep Giving Them More Chances When They Beg You, This Is a Good Sign God Wants You to Reject Them
God often makes his will clear to us by pointing out dysfunction in a relationship. We then end the relationship. This is good. But then this person contacts you later on. They let you know they are different now. They convince you to get back together. But then God shows you again that this is still not a good relationship. This cycle can waste years of your life.
Time is one of the only things you can’t get back. Many people waste a lot of time they will later wish they could get back because they had to keep relearning a lesson with someone that God already taught them the first time. God is very patient. If you need to relearn a hard lesson, he will take the time to teach you again (Hebrews 12:6). But we can avoid this painful discipline by remembering what he’s already taught us.
If you want to avoid this unhealthy scenario, this means you have to reject this person. People ask me, “How can I let this person go? They keep contacting me.” Once you’ve made it clear you are moving on, stop responding. This isn’t ghosting someone because you already told them you are moving on. You can’t let other people control your life because you are afraid to reject them and block them when they are not respecting your wishes. Even if they are reaching out to you, it’s always your choice to respond back to them. Eventually you just have to stop making this choice to respond and choose to move on without them.
For more on this topic, here’s a playlist of past videos I’ve done on the topic of How to Know If God Is Telling You to Wait or Move on from Someone.
2. If You Are Looking for a Loophole So You Can Justify Being in a Relationship You Know Is Not Honoring to God, This Is a Clear Sign God Is Telling You to Reject This Person
The danger in slow obedience is that it often turns into no obedience. When you look for a reason to avoid doing the right thing, you eventually find what you are looking for. Of course there is never a truly good reason to not do what you know is right, but our minds are very cunning, so cunning in fact that we can even trick ourselves into believing this bad thing is actually a good thing.
In relationships for example, people will come up with all kinds of reasons to justify being with someone they know they should not be with. They will tell themselves God wants them to be a witness to them. That may be true, but since when do you need to date someone to share the gospel? They may tell themselves this person has a lot of potential. But since when does God tell us to assess people by who they could be rather than by what they actually are? Sure, it’s possible this person becomes holier in the future, but it’s just as possible that this person dives into even more evil than they currently are.
The point is, wishing the facts of a relationship were different do not change the actual facts. If you are looking for a loophole to justify being with someone, stop. Obey the word of God at face value. I know this is hard, but I also know obedience is the path to blessings. This is true not because we are earning blessings. Rather, God often waits to bless us until we are prepared to rightly handle the blessings he plans to give us. In Luke 6:37-38, Jesus said:
Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.”
God gives us what we are willing to give to him. You are ready to receive that blessing when you are ready to give up that blessing. If you aren’t willing to give a relationship over to God, how can you expect God to give you an even better relationship in return?
If you refuse to reject someone God is telling you to reject, it’s very likely you are missing out on the godly relationship God does want to bless you with once you are prepared to receive it.
3. If Someone Only Gives You Attention Once You Stop Giving Them Attention, This Is Usually a Good Sign God Is Telling You to Reject Them
Many people see relationships like a game. God doesn’t. Relationships are serious to God.
One sign someone is just playing games is when they get bored with you once you show them you like them and they only get interested in you when you act like you don’t like them. This shows they view relationships like a game because they view your interest as a win and they view your disinterest as a loss. When they win, they want to move on because the game is over.
In other words, someone who does this type of thing is wasting your time because they will never consistently like you. They just like the chase. They just like trying to get what they can’t have. Once they get it, they don’t want it anymore. The best path forward with someone like this is to accept they don’t really like you even if they say they do. They just want to win you. It’s best to reject them and move on with your life. Someone who really cares about you will care about you consistently, not just when they fear losing you.
As 1 Corinthians 13:8 says of real love, “Love never ends.”
4. If Rejecting This Person Is the Most Loving Thing to Do, This Is a Sign God Is Telling You to Reject Them
While rejection always hurts, this doesn’t mean rejection is always unloving. In Ephesians 4:15 we are told to “speak the truth in love.” If you know someone likes you but you also know you don’t like them enough to date them, it can be unloving to continue to enjoy a close friendship with them. If you are dating someone but you know you have strong feelings for someone else, it’s not loving to keep this relationship going. If you know you are not prepared to date because you are still getting over someone else, it’s not loving to start dating someone new on the rebound just to make yourself feel better.
There are many more instances where the most loving thing to do may be to reject someone. If you find yourself in a situation like this, pray that God would give you the strength, kindness, and peace to do what you know you need to do out of love for this person.