Here are 3 common things that often happen before God brings someone new into your life.
1. If God Is Taking You Through a Social Cleanse Right Now to Remove People He Doesn’t Want in Your Life, This Is Often a Sign He’s Making Room for the New People He Does Want in Your Life
Before a farmer can plant seeds that will one day grow into an abundant harvest, he first needs to clear the land. If you try to plant good seeds in ground that is full of weeds, roots, and rocks, that seed won’t be able to flourish. Likewise, before God will make healthy relationships grow in your life, he often first needs to clear the ground, so to speak, by taking you through a social cleanse.
It’s hard work to uproot trees, weeds, and rocks that are littering the ground. Some of those trees have been growing for decades. Some of those weeds have multiplied into many. And some of those rocks are more like huge boulders. Likewise, some of the people in your life have been there for a long time, you have grown attached to them, you have multiplied your friends through them, and your social circle is like a boulder you feel you can’t remove from your life.
This social cleanse, therefore, is often very painful. It requires hard work. And it’s often not done in an instance. But it is essential if you have unhealthy relationships filling up your time and taking your emotional energy. Just as a field cannot produce an abundant harvest until the land is cleared, so too will you need to clear your life before God will make a blessed relationship grow in your life.
Throughout the Bible there is a pattern of getting rid of the old to make room for the new. Leviticus 26:10 states, “You shall eat old store long kept, and you shall clear out the old to make way for the new.” And Ephesians 4:22-24 teaches:
You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.”
2. If You Are Gaining the Courage to Learn the Social Skills You Lack to Interact with the Opposite Sex, This Is Often a Sign God Is Preparing to Bring Someone New Into Your Life
I recently watched a movie called Land. I won’t tell you everything that happens in case you want to watch it. But basically a middle aged woman lost her family and she is very depressed. She moves into a cabin in the middle of nowhere and is basically dying during the winter because she doesn’t have the necessary survival skills. All of a sudden, a stranger bursts through the door and nurses her back to health. This stranger is a handsome, respectful man who wants nothing but the best for this woman.
I bring this up because I think this is what many Christian singles are hoping will happen in their life. They are alone, they are feeling like they are dying, but then all of a sudden a stranger comes a long and knocks on the door. Is this possible? Sure, anything is possible with God. Is this likely and is this the way God usually brings someone new into your life? Definitely not.
What should you do if you are nervous around the opposite sex? What should you do if you are really introverted and like to avoid new people? What should you do if you struggle with social skills that are needed in relationships? You have a few options:
- You could do nothing and hope someone randomly appears in your life and for some reason pursues you despite your inability to connect with them and give back the social connection everyone craves. This is highly unlikely to work.
- You could try to meet someone without developing any skills and just hope things go well. This is possible but things will be difficult if you lack social skills.
- Or you could get out there and fail, which will lead you to learn, which will then lead you gain that which you currently lack, which often then eventually leads to success.
It’s not an option, however, to magically have a great relationship with someone if you lack the ability to interact with the opposite sex because of your fear or lack of social maturity.
In most cases, God will bring someone new into your life who you can gain a healthy connection with once you start taking some social risks. Start doing thing that make you uncomfortable. Over time, it will all get a lot easier.
Growth is a process (Proverbs 1:5) and this fact doesn’t change when it comes to developing social skills that are used by God to bring new people into your life that you can connect with.
3. If You Are Gaining the Theological Conviction to Trust God to Introduce You to Someone He Wants in Your Life, This Is Often a Sign He’s Preparing You to Meet Someone New
While we certainly need to do our part to develop ourselves so we are prepared for a new relationship, in the end we must always remember God is sovereign and has the final say. He will require you to take action steps, but you will not have the motivation to take those steps if you have a poor understanding of God’s sovereignty over your relationships.
For example, when you read through the epistles in the New Testament, most of them are ordered in the same way, especially the ones written by Paul. They start with theological knowledge but they conclude with very practical instructions. Why? Because good actions flow from truth in the heart.
When it comes to meeting someone new, it can feel like a daunting, impossible task. If you think this process of meeting someone new all depends on you, oftentimes you won’t even try to meet someone new because of the pressure. This is why you need to get your theology right first. Meeting someone new doesn’t totally depend on you. God is the one who ultimately needs to make this happen.
As 1 Thessalonians 3:11 (NIV) says, “Now may our God and Father himself and our Lord Jesus clear the way for us to come to you.” God must “clear the way” for people to come into your life. This knowledge should not make us passive, just waiting for someone new to randomly show up on our doorstep.
Rather, the knowledge that God has the power to create a new, healthy relationship in your life should empower you to take the necessary steps God is telling you to take so he can bless you.