Do you want to be pursued by a godly man? If so, did you know there could be some little things that seem like no big deal, but which are actually keeping these godly men from pursuing you?
Here are 4 subtle things in a woman’s life that can keep godly men from pursuing her.
1. Being Socially Invisible Keeps Men from Pursuing
When a woman thinks about a man pursuing her, her mind naturally thinks about a man appearing and pursuing her. She thinks about the things he might say, where they might go to on dates, what they might have in common, how he might look, and the life they might be able to live together.
However, there is a fatal flaw in all these imaginations, and it happens right at the beginning. Men never just appear and start pursuing a woman. The man in your mind sees you. The man God has for you in reality cannot see you if you are not socially visible.
Look at all these matches in Scripture. Each time a man and woman met, they were in a public place, not a private place. For example:
- Rebekah was found by Abraham’s servant for Isaac at a spring of water where the community watered their flocks (Genesis 24:15-21)
- Jacob met Rachel at the well as he and the other shepherds waited for the right time to roll away the stone (Genesis 29:8-12).
- Moses met Zipporah by a well after he rescued her from the shepherds who were trying to drive her away (Exodus 2:15-22).
- Ruth and Boaz met when Ruth went out looking for work at arrived in Boaz’s field (Ruth 2:3-4).
In all these examples, not only did these men and women meet in a public place, but one of these people also left their home and was exposed to a new region:
- Abraham’s servant left Canaan and went back to Abraham’s home country to find Rebekah (Genesis 24:3-4).
- Jacob was fleeing from Esau and went to live with his uncle Laban when he met Rachel (Genesis 28:5-6).
- Moses was fleeing from Pharaoh and left Egypt (Exodus 2:15).
- Ruth left Moab and moved to Bethlehem as she followed her mother-in-law Naomi (Ruth 1:22).
We can see a pattern here. People often find their spouse when they leave their homes and follow God in public places.
2. Being Too Emotionally Guarded Keeps Men from Pursuing
Isaiah 61:3 (NLT) states, “In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory.” Before we become a strong oak, God tenderly plants the seed and makes it grow. This principle of planting before something becomes strong relates well to building an emotionally strong bond with your future husband.
When a woman thinks about her future husband, she often imagines the deep conversations they will have. As she lays in bed at night by herself, she longs to have a man next to her so she doesn’t feel alone, so she has someone to talk about her day with, and so she can feel the warmth of another. In short, she thinks about the emotional intimacy she will get to enjoy when she finally gets married one day.
However, emotional intimacy never just happens. It must build over time. It’s like the might oak tree: the seed first has to be planted, it must be watered, the roots must grow, it’s little stem and leaves must be protected until it grows strong enough to endure the elements, and overtime it then becomes strong and immovable.
If you want the blessing of an immovable emotional bond, you must go through the delicate process that allows this tree to sprout and mature. In other words, if you are never first emotionally available to a man because you are too afraid of getting hurt or rejected, you will never experience the deep connection you hope for.
Many times a woman longs for the deepest of connections and imagines how she will feel free to open up once she has a husband because she will then have the security that he will never leave her. But to get there, she has to take wise emotional risks so she is available and open to form those early connections.
3. A Woman’s Close Guy Friend (or Guy Friends) Keeps Men from Pursuing
Sometimes the solution to our problems becomes and even worse problem. This is true when a woman tries to use a male friend to satisfy what she longs for in a romantic relationship. Sometimes she meets a man that she knows she could never love in a romantic way that leads to marriage, but she also enjoys this man’s company, attention, and the emotional connection he provides.
This is usually a really bad solution for many reasons. First off, while a woman’s intentions may be pure in that she really does just want to be friends and she may even verbally communicate this to her guy friend, it’s also true that usually this guy wants to be more than friends with this woman. It’s very rare for two Christian singles of the opposite sex to form a deep friendship without one of them romantically liking the other person. Therefore, someone is usually getting led on.
The other reason these types of friendships are not a good idea in most cases is because they keep the single people single. Both of them usually want to get married some day and experience the emotional connection they have with this “friend” with someone who is more than a friend. But since they are using their time and energy with this friend, they are not going to have the time and energy to form the romantic connections that are needed to get into a real relationship.
Lastly, other men will notice when you are always hanging out with your guy friend. Men are not going to investigate and ask if you two are just great friends. They will assume it’s romantic or will become romantic one day and thus they will just stay away.
We always have to respect the facts about how God made men and women. There is always an extra element when opposite genders are involved. Never lie to yourself and think that you can just be friends with a man and there be no difference between the way you are just friends with other women (1 Timothy 5:2).
4. Being Too Busy Will Keep Men from Pursuing a Woman
We live in a culture where being “too busy” is a universally acceptable reasons for why you are not able to do something. If a friend invites you to their party and you say you’d rather just stay home and rest, they will be offended. But if you say, “I’m sorry. I have to work. I’m just too busy,” they will understand and not be mad.
In a way, it makes sense. When we say we are “too busy” to do something, other people accept it because it’s not personal, it’s just business. I think this is why so many singles are comfortable in telling themselves they are too busy to meet someone.
When you’re “too busy” to meet someone, it frees you from needing to risk rejection, from needing to think about ways to build your social connections, and it gives you a nice go-to answer when your mom or aunt bugs you about still being single.
The truth is, you may actually be too busy to meet a man right now. Just know that is a sacrifice you are making. Many women only realize they are sacrificing something until years later when they slow down enough to realize they want a man. If you’re willing to sacrifice meeting a man for the other things you are doing, there’s nothing wrong with that! Just make sure you are aware of the cost before spending years you can’t get back (Luke 14:28).
If you want to meet a man, the simple truth is, you have to make the time. If you never make the time, you will never get married.
