If you are a Christian who’s considering online dating, here are 5 biblical principles that can really help you.
Principle 1: There Is No Prescribed Path to Marriage in the Bible
I predict that many people will see this title and thumbnail and say something like, “Online dating is evil! It’s not God’s way!”
The first thing we need to get straight when talking about online dating is that the Bible does not forbid or condone any specific path to marriage. This is a good time to mention the differences between precepts, principles, and patterns in the Bible.
- A precept is a command that all Christians must follow. It applied when it was written and it still applies now. Think of the ten commandments (Exodus 20:1-17) or the command to flee sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18) or the command to avoid being unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14, 1 Corinthians 7:39).
- A principle is a truth in Scripture that should direct the way one lives. However, it is flexible and can be applied in many different ways. It promotes wise living that usually results in a good outcome. Think of the Proverbs. The Proverbs are not promises; rather, they are statements about wise living that explain what generally happens. For example, Proverbs 22:6 states that if you train up a child in the Lord, that child will not depart from the Lord later in life. That doesn’t always happen. And yet, we know that if you have a good Christian upbringing, it’s much more likely you remain faithful to the Lord in adulthood.
- A pattern is an example in Scripture that was the norm for that time period. A pattern in Scripture could have been culturally based, but in some instances the pattern can provide a good example for us to follow. For example, the pattern in Scripture is that a tithe was ten percent. However, in the New Testament, we are not commanded to give ten percent to the church. Rather, this is often the practice because it’s a good pattern to follow.
When you study marriage in the Bible, there are many precepts, principles, and patterns that can help you. However, when you study “how to get married,” there are very few precepts or patterns to follow. Rather, we are mainly left with the biblical principles in Scripture and then we must wisely apply them to our relationship questions.
Thus, online dating is not biblically condoned or forbidden. Rather, it is a tool that can be used in both sinful or righteous ways depending on your choices.
Principle 2: Anything that Is Not Done in Faith Is Sin
So should you use online dating as a Christian? I believe that is a personal question only you can answer. I would encourage you to read Romans 14, which is very helpful when it comes to questions that are not explicitly clear to all Christians.
If you believe online dating is wrong for you, then it’s wrong for you. However, I would caution you against trying to convince other Christians that it’s also wrong for them since this is a subjective question (Romans 14:1-12). As I will explain in the points ahead, online dating can be good or bad depending on your own personality, maturity, and motives.
My encouragement is that you settle this issue in your heart. If you try online dating but you’re unsure if it’s what God wants for you, you won’t be able to use it in the most effective way possible. Romans 14:23, “For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.”
Principle 3: Marriage Isn’t a Magical Lottery that Randomly Happens to Some People and Not Others
When you read through 1 Corinthians 7, it becomes very clear that singleness and marriage are a choice. For example, 1 Corinthians 7:36 states, “If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin.”
In Scripture, there is a pattern of “betrothal” being the process by which people were married. Rather than dating and then making a personal choice on whether or not to get married, families would help facilitate a young man and woman getting married. The man and woman were often too young to actually get married, so they would enter into a betrothal phase. This was more than our modern engagement season. This was a legal contract that officially unified the man and woman as husband and wife, but they did not yet live together or have sex together. This was the phase Mary and Joseph were in when the Holy Spirit conceived Jesus in Mary (Matthew 1:18-19). But again, this process was just a pattern in Scripture. There’s no verse commanding or condoning betrothal.
However, a principle we can see from 1 Corinthians 7:36 and in the biblical pattern of betrothal is that God expects human involvement to help formulate marriages. For anyone who thinks that online dating is taking matters into your own hands and thus you are not trusting the Lord, take another look at betrothal. God wasn’t magically putting men and women together. People were making real choices to help facilitate biblical unions.
Who you marry is much more important than how you met them. Thus, if you are someone who lacks options to meet other Christians singles but you want to be married one day, online dating could be a good tool to use to help you meet someone.
Principle 4: Sinful People Are Under the Control of Satan and They Are Everywhere
Perhaps the most common objection I routinely hear about online dating goes something like this, “Online dating is just a bunch of worldly people who want to hook up” or “I’ve tried online dating and met someone who totally lied to me and really hurt me so I’ll never use it again” or “I’ll never try online dating because anyone can pretend to be a Christian.”
The problem I have with statements like these is that they aren’t really about online dating. These are just issues you will always have because this world is straight up evil and controlled by Satan. Most people online just want to hook up and have sex because most people in the world looking to date just want to hook up and have sex. You will meet liars online who want to hurt you because most people in the world are liars who will hurt you. You will find a lot of people pretending to be Christian when online dating because there are a ton of people in the world who are just pretending to be a Christian:
- Ephesians 2:1-2, “And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience . . . .”
- 1 John 5:19, “We know that we are from God, and the whole world lies in the power of the evil one.”
- John 8:44, “You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.”
Therefore, if you are considering using online dating, prepare yourself with the right mindset. You will meet people with bad intentions. You will meet fake Christians. You will have to weed through more profiles that are not good fits for you to find a few options that might result in something fruitful.
But guess what? You would have to do these things anyways if you were meeting this many people in person. People are the problem, not online dating. The only reason online dating feels worse than traditional dating is because you are interacting with so many more people than you did when trying traditional dating.
Principle 5: Relationships Require Face-to-Face Interactions
Honestly, I don’t like the term “online dating.” I don’t like it because it gives people the wrong idea. You can’t actually date someone online. You can find someone online and enter into a real relationship with them, but to do that you have to get offline and get face-to-face.
Genesis 2:22, “And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.” It says God “brought her to the man.” I’ve heard people use this verse to justify why they should just wait on God to bring someone into their life. You should wait on God! But if you want to apply this verse literally, you should also then be expecting God to literally produce a woman out of the man’s rib. We’re not Adam and Eve, so don’t say silly things that don’t make any sense.
Rather, we can see the principle in this verse that God used Adam to bring about Eve. Likewise, God will use you to bring about your future spouse. So if you’re considering using online dating, just remember the real point. It’s not your goal to just chat with people online or form a deep bond with someone you never actually see.
Online dating is a tool that can be used to help you get into a traditional dating relationship. If you try it, you need to use it to meet with people face-to-face.
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