5 Signs You’re Being Too Nice to Attract a Christian Woman

In a way, a Christian man should be “nice” if you mean respectful, kind, thoughtful, etc. But I’m not using the word “nice” like that. I’m using it to mean a man who is “a pushover,” “soft,” “non-confrontational,” or “weak.” I’ll explain more in the points ahead.

Therefore, here are five signs you’re being too nice to attract a Christian woman.

1. If You’re Not Projecting an Ability to Protect Yourself and Others from Bullies, a Christian Woman Will Not Be Attracted to You

A godly woman wants to be protected. The first sign that a man will not be a good protector is when he does not even possess the ability to protect himself. When a woman sees a man getting bullied and he doesn’t know how to handle it properly, she can’t be attracted to him. However, when a man knows how to stand up for himself while also being respectful and not freaking out, this shows he has the right qualities to be a protector in marriage.

A “nice guy” lacks this ability. He allows others to walk all over him because his main desire is to be liked. Confrontation petrifies him. This simply won’t do.

If you want to be a good protector in marriage one day, you have to start by standing up to the bullies in your life. As Isaiah 1:17 (NIV) states, “Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow.”

2. If You’re Not Showing an Ability to Suffer Enough to Be a Good Provider, a Christian Woman Will Not Be Attracted to You

One of the main differences between men who become good providers and men who don’t is that the men who have learned to suffer get ahead. Men who avoid suffering never get ahead. Proverbs 14:23, “In all toil there is profit, but mere talk tends only to poverty.” Toil is hard. Talk is easy. In Albert E. N. Gray’s essay, The Common Denominator of Success, he writes:

The common denominator of success — the secret of success of every man who has ever been successful — lies in the fact that he formed the habit of doing things that failures don’t like to do.”

People who achieve their goals are the people who did those difficult things most people are just not willing to. So you want to be an author, do you? Are you willing to take a writing course? Are you willing to read hundreds of books to help you learn from other great authors? Are you willing to get up every morning at 4am to write before your 9 to 5 job begins? Are you willing to get rejected by countless literary agents and publishers before realizing your current book is not good enough? Are you then willing to start all over and do this all again, writing a completely different book, again and again, until finally you write a book worth reading? If you’re not willing to do these things, you don’t really want to be an author.

The point is, success requires suffering. As Jordan Peterson said in his book 12 Rules for Life, “What’s the difference between the successful and the unsuccessful? The successful sacrifice.”

To be a good provider, you must know how to suffer. If you are projecting weakness and an inability to sacrifice to achieve your goals, a Christian woman will not be attracted to you. She will have to suffer as a wife and mother to accomplish her domestic goals. And she knows she needs a teammate to provide in the ways that she won’t be able to if she is to be a biblical woman focused on the health of her home.

3. If You’re Not Strong Enough to Stop Her From Bulldozing You When She Gets Emotional, a Christian Woman Will Not Be Attracted to You

Because of original sin, all men and women are corrupted (Romans 5:12). But the way in which we express our fallen nature is often very different. God made Adam to lead and Eve to follow. Sin, however, tempts men to be passive and women to be dominating (Genesis 3:6, 16).

As Christians, we will know that we must resist these sinful impulses. A godly man will want to lovingly sacrifice for his wife lovingly, and a godly woman will want to lovingly respect her husband. But yet, both will do this imperfectly. The sin nature still gets control now and then. She will know she wants to submit to a godly man, but like Paul, she will also know she will sometimes do the opposite of what she wants (Romans 7:19-20).

Thus, when a godly woman is looking for a husband, she knows she needs a man who is strong enough not to give in to her own sinful impulses to take control. If a man is too nice to resist her when she is emotionally out of control, that woman will know that man does not have what it takes to lead her. Ironically, when a man gives in to a woman’s demands for leadership, he’s actually disappointing the woman in the process.

While she is sinning and out of control, deep down she wants a man who is strong enough to put her in her place in a loving way, which frees her to embrace the submissive spirit she wants to live from as a woman. But she won’t feel free to do that if the man is not strong enough to lead.

4. If You’re Not Strong Enough to Receive Her Loving Rebuke When You Are Sinning, a Christian Woman Will Not Be Attracted to You

Yes, you need to be strong enough not to let her lead when she is reacting in fear and getting emotional, as women tend to do. A lot of guys like it when I say that kind of thing. But a real man isn’t just willing to lovingly put a woman in her place when she needs it. He’s also strong enough to let a woman put him in his place when he needs to be lovingly rebuked as well.

Just as a Christian woman will sometimes do what she does not want to do, so too will a Christian man have his struggles against the sinful nature warring within him (Romans 7:19-20). Thus, you will not always treat her as you should. And it’s the ultimate sign of weakness when a man can only give correction but can’t receive it. A real man accepts when he’s wrong, owns it, repents, and seeks to do better.

Men, you need a woman who loves you enough to tell you when you aren’t treating her right. And if you’re a weak “nice guy” who crumbles into tears whenever she says something negative about you, she can’t be attracted to you. Likewise, if your weakness causes you to react in rage like a little toddler whenever she disagrees with you, and you don’t get your way, you are not going to attract a godly woman.

5. If You’re So Nice You Are Never Able to Do What Is Best for People Because They Will Get Mad at You, a Christian Woman Will Not Be Attracted to You

A godly woman will want to be a godly mother one day. Thus, she will not just want a godly husband, but a man who can also be a godly father. One of the core qualities of a good father is the ability to make his children unhappy when he knows this short-term discipline will result in their long-term happiness (Hebrews 12:7-11).

Thus, to project your ability to do this to a woman before you two get married and have children, you must have the ability to overcome your need to be liked in exchange for doing what is right. Nice guys can’t be great fathers because they let their children manipulate them, which is actually very bad for the child. Thus, to avoid this, a woman will subconsciously be most attracted to the men who are strong enough to do the right things even when it is not the most popular decision.